I'm So Sick {BoyxBoy & FIN}

Reality Was a Bitch

I would have uploaded this on Monday but school was making me tired and it was so cold here that I watched Supernatural with hot coco. Sigh. That was a beautiful day until I had to go to school the next day. =_= Anywho, Shay's on the side! Enjoy --> 

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My eyes flew opened and I looked around my from, searching for him. I knew I wasn't okay but this is a different kind of "not being okay". I felt a hand on my back and I looked up to see a teen boy with blonde and brown hair, blue eyes, a charming smile that could make a girls knees weak.

"You're not gonna scream or tell mom and dad that you see me?" He asked.

I blinked a few tears from my eyes and gave a shaky sigh. "Now why would I want to scream at you?"

His smile grew and he wrapped his arms around my tiny waist. I leaned my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. This wasn't a dream because it was too real. I knew he was gone but he can't possible be a ghost, right? I didn't care now. He was here and that's what I wanted. "You have to cut them some slack, Gabe. They're doing everything they can to make you happy."

I rolled my eyes and pulled back. I turned around to face the wall and I heard him sigh. He's on their side? I don't need help. The only help I have is being in my room and thinking about him. I'm more pissed at my parents than ever. How do they forget his birthday? Their always excited because it's his birthday and then mine right after. They loved to see us grow together but I guess it's just me now.

"You could say my name, Gabe. I'm here," he said.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Shay."

It's been so long since I said his name. It felt new to me but comfortable. He was here but I couldn't look at him in the eyes. If I do, I'll break down. I always break down because of what happened. I clenched my fists, trying to forget it. A hand was placed on my shoulder and I instantly relaxed.

"This isn't your fault," he mumbled.

"Yeah, then who is it?" I snapped.

I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and got up, walking to the door. When I was close to it, it closed and locked by it self. I felt a presence behind me and I held my breath.

"Can't you see I'm back? I could have stayed and watched you but I couldn't. Your my brother, Gabe."

I closed my eyes and shook my head. This is crazy. He's gone. Shay's gone. He shouldn't be here and talking to me. He should be six feet under with a rose in his hands and his eyes closed and his pale skin not being tan anymore and for the first time clean hair. I didn't like his hair stylish. It wasn't him.

I'm going to face him sooner or later so mind as well get it over with. I turned around and slowly opened my eyes to see Shay. His blonde-ish brown-ish was curly and out. His tan skin wasn't pale. His lips were pink and a bit chapped. At least it wasn't blue. His blue eyes weren't wide and shadowed with white. But the one thing that broke my heart was his clothes. There was blood on his sleeves, shirt, and pants. I moved my eyes to his face and he had a small smile.

"I'm going crazy, aren't I?" I asked.

He chuckled and looked around, licking his lips. "Probably. You're just getting sick."

"Sick?"

"Everything you do you're sick of it. Everything that mom and dad does, you're sick of it. You're sick of living because I'm not here."

"Is it a fucking crime that I don't wanna live?"

Shay's eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head. "When the heck did you start cursing?"

"When the hell did you start appearing out of nowhere?" I barked.

I missed my brother, really I do, but he can be a little...in his own world. He believed that I didn't curse, I didn't drink (which I don't), I didn't smoke (which I don't), or I won't have sex (which I'm not). He thinks I'm to innocent that someone might take away that innocence. I didn't mind because I thought he would get over it but it looked like he haven't.

"Jesus Christ, I'm not a baby anymore, Shay. I turned fifteen today," I said and walked to my bed. I sat at the end and stared at him.

"I know but my little brother cursing? What pissed in your cereal?"

I glared at him. "Don't ask stupid questions. You'll get smartass answers."

He put his hands up in surrender and sat next to me. I sighed and saw my own breath. I would never thought Shay could be a ghost. Maybe he's my imagination or my sub-cousins and trying to cheer me up from my horrible life. I shivered when a wind past through me. I hugged myself when I felt the goosebumps appear.

"So..." Shay trailed. "How did your birthday go?"

I scoffed and grabbed my blanket. "Shitty. Dad got the camera again and I was this close of throwing it at the wall."

"Hey! Dad has my prom in there! Don't break it!" Shay exclaimed.

"The one you had a fling with and then was blackmailed?"

"You blackmailed me."

I smirked. "I know. The joys of being a little brother."

Shay rolled his red and ruffled my hair. "Shut up, kiddo."

I chuckled and slapped his hand away from my hair. We looked around in silence after that. I was scared that he would proof away of something because this is the first time I had a long conversation in a year. Especially with my brother.

"Mom was actually happy for once since...y'know," I said and started to play with a loose string on my blanket.

Shay's eyes turned sad. "Look, Gabe, I know you're still best up about me but I'm fine, really. I'm just...finally okay and I want you to."

"How can I be okay if I make everyone sick of me? I punched Keith, Nancy and Cora are afraid of me, and Casper-" I stopped mid sentence when I saw Shay's shocked face.

"You punched someone? You punched Keith out of all people?" He said shockingly.

"Well what did you expect? He said something about you and I wasn't going to let it slide!"

"Whatever he said, he was right. It's been a year Gabe and you need to get over it."

I took the blanket off of me and walked out of my room.

"Gabe! Where are you going?" Shay yelled.

I grabbed my coat and put it on. I looked at the kitchen to see my mom and dad holding hands. They turned their heads to look at me and my dad had an angry face. My mom's hair was covering her face but I could see the tears sliding on her cheeks. For a second, I actually felt something. Seeing your mother cry was the worst thing in the world. But discovering one of your loved ones dead, can break you and you can be broken forever.

"Where are you going?" My dad barked, getting up.

I glared at him and Shay who was standing next to him. "Out. If you need anything, don't fucking call," I barked back and opened the door.

I walked out of the house and heard my dad's yells. I couldn't focus. My mind was spinning out of control. Maybe this is a dream and it'll be over. Shay's not here, Casper didn't cheat on me, Keith, Nancy, Corra and I are friends still, and I didn't have a reality check with my parents again. If only that was that was a dream but it was a reality. And reality was a bitch.