Yes, it's me. I'M BACK! (^-^*)/(^-^*)/(^-^*)/
Let's get to it.
It's me: mjfillet
Title: To Love Again
Author: cinderx
Cover: This is a nice cover. I'm not too much into mushy covers, but it fits the book genre nicely. Oh, and the font is awesome. Whoever you got to make this book cover did a really good job! :3
Summary: This is a good summary. I found it interesting and short; and this is exactly what descriptions should be like. Good job on this as well! ^_^
Plot: ...well. I was kind of disappointed. No no! Don't get me wrong, you're writing skills are great. You are descriptive and your characters are well formed (as will mention in character section) but, I think maybe I was expecting more. Everything seemed to move too fast. You mentioned in the description how she really loved this guy and was open and everything, but it wasn't really shown. You just show that massive cheating/breakup drama scene and move right along like the guy was a piece of trash.
And any guy who cheats is a piece of trash. (I feels so bad calling someone piece of trash...)
.･ﾟﾟ･(／ω＼)･ﾟﾟ･. forgive me.
Anyways, you need to show how open she used to be with the guy, and show how much she loved him. Build him up as the dreamy guy that the girl saw him as so that the characters believe that he is a dreamy guy...
and then crush their vision just like the girl's was crushed.
This is a personal opinion.
"But Mj! Fillet! How is that even going to work out?" you protest, "Because I don't want hunk boy Jack to appear all the way at the end of the story! He's supposed to be the main guy of the story, not this other trashy dude!"
Well, do I have a suggestion for you. (¬‿¬ ) Take it or leave it, but I'm going to offer it up to you.
Alright, so you know the part where she's crying at the steering wheel in the parking lot of Target and sweet hunk boy Jack pops out of no where asking if she's alright? I would start the story off right there. Have a dramatic opening line. Not ridiculous, but something short and attention grabbing. (eg. "Everything I thought was true just crumbled to pieces") I have no idea, but explain a little, but leave it a mystery. Don't say anything about trashy dude cheating on her. Make it so the reader is dying to know what in the heck happened. So Jack comes along and in her weakened state she takes the offer (which is stupid and dangerous but since she's a bit of an air head and is at her weakest, she agrees) to walk with a complete stranger to a coffee shop.
Okay from here she sits at the coffee shop and explains from the very beginning how she met the other dude. You can play it off as flash backs you know? She'll have flash backs as she tells the story to Jack and you can build up trash dude's dreamy character. You can explain all the main events that happened and all the lovey dovey stuff to show that she thought they were n love. Then you pull up the reason why she was crying in the parking lot. This may span over a couple chapters depending how much detail you stick into it.
Characters: Anyways after all that explaining you can decide what to do between the girl and Jack. Just keep in mind there are usually two types of ways people deal with breakups...
1) they spend time to themselves and mope in misery over their heartbreak
2) they try to fill in the missing piece by getting someone new
You seem to be leaning toward the first, so make sure you show some resistance on her end to fall in love with this Jack guy. But, with the way you have this girl's personality as a spoiled needy girl, in reality she's most likely the second. She seems like she needs attention and you have her appear as very immature. I mean a lot of girls act like this in their teen years so you put on a really accurate description.
This Jack dude seems like a really sweet boy, and I have met a few guys with a personality like him, so this is by no means unrealistic. People are going to love to read more about him.
Actually I can't remember seeing the main character's name anywhere...I know it must have been in the summary but I don't remember. I don't remember trash dude's name either... I'll stop blabbering now XD
Grammar: You did a good job on this, I think you're doing pretty good as far as grammar goes, but I don't remember too well.
Note to add: Yes, the only thing I have to add is that you know the part where Jack knocks on the window and says "Ma'am"? I would change this to "Miss". He's going to know she's at a younger age, and it's not realistic for him to call a girl his age "ma'am". So I'd change this to "miss".
None of my words in here are solid gold, so don't feel like you have no option but to take it. I took time out to give you an opinion and a review, but this is my choice and I'm not expecting people to change for me. I hope I might have helped, but I understand if I didn't.
Thank you for letting me review your work! Good luck with it!
\(^ヮ^)/ \(^ヮ^)/\(^ヮ^)/
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