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Review: Hypothetical situations

Review by: 123itsmeee

Author: xoopsxhi (Kai Ann)

Title: Hypothetical Situations

Genre: Teen Fiction

[Cover & Title > 5/10]

Your title is interesting; I quite like it! Your cover, however, is a difficult one. It's a pretty cover, it just doesn't really seem to have much to do with your book. After all its just a girl's back and it didn't really grasp my attention. It just doesn't give many clues to what your book is about nor links to the story. Your character has originated from France and now lives in America, why not try to incorporate that into the cover? Your character also has a boy best friend; a boy and a girl joking around could work well? So, it's not that the cover you have just now is bad, its just not maybe ideal for your story.

[Blurb > 4/10]

You have basically just finished your story in the blurb. You've not left enough to the imagination and you've told us everything we need to know; there's no point reading now. It's also not very descriptive it's basically you telling us, they do this, they do that, and so on. Your use of grammar and punctuation is incorrect, and there's a couple of mistakes which is very off putting.

[Description > 7/10]

There are a couple of noticeable points where you have tried very hard to describe the characters surroundings so kudos for that. But you need to describe things as you go along, not in one very long paragraph. You also described little about your characters, the things you did describe were confusing. There was one bit, when you were describing the stark difference between the main character and her Mum and Sister, which became quite hard to follow. Work on this and you'll improve!

Grammar & Punctuation > 8/10]

Your grammar and punctuation isn't terrible, it just needs some work here and there. For the most part it seemed okay but every so often a sentence would be hard to understand or the wrong punctuation was used. Your paragraphs are also very long and I was tempted to skip some of them as they didn't flow very well. I would suggest breaking them down.

[Characters 7/10]

I liked the characters even though they were quite cliché and typical. Some things didn't add up all the time though; why is Fawn's sister called Jenna? If one Childs name is unique it's likely, the Mum or Dad, will have chosen another unique name for the other child. It's rare if you come across only one child having an uncommon name in a family because it's likely the name was picked to be uncommon for a reason, so therefore the family are expected to want more uncommon names. The other thing was to do with Will; he's to young at eight to understand or use the word hypothetical. I tested this out on my ten year old sister and she didn't understand. That whole bit with Will needs to be changed. Also, I love the name Fawn, but is it French? If Fawn and Jenna both had French names it would add to their characters and make it more original. I would research these types of things.

[Overall > 7/10]

I liked your ideas, but they just seemed very typical and not very original. I particularly enjoyed the fact Fawn spoke fluent French but struggled with her English; it was cute and not stereotypical. However, the book was also a slow start; your first paragraph did not hook me. By the end of the first chapter I was starting to enjoy it but not everyone will stay till then if they're not enjoying it.

Your book isn't terrible it just needs some work, but so do even the greatest writers books!

Things to work on: your characters, plot, grammar (breaking down paragraphs) and cover. Plus make your book your own, spice it up!