On a bus ride home from a AOP performance... Shayla asked me what my greatest fear was. I opted not to regurgitate the first shallow thought that passed consideration (spiders, snakes, burning, drowning and the like), but granted the question deeper thought. I settled on an as set for what my greatest fear was, but as I don't trust Shayla with my personal thoughts and plan on ending our relationship after prom... I opted not to tell her what this fear was.
Dying without anybody who truly knowing me. My deepest thoughts and most selfish desires. My views on religion. On death.
After acknowledging this I suppose the premise that spawns this fear in me is the belief that when I die, all the people I know die with me. This theory stands on the fact that there is no person on this planet whom I know completely... See however hard I try, I cannot know all there is to know about any person, I only know what little I see of them. The Mrs. Demps to my perception is a righteous and dignified women who cares deeply for others and the students she teach. A couple of days ago though, Grama, her mother, told me how strange of an outcome it is that she now teaches theatre- seeing as in her youth she'd be more likely found making fun off theatre nerds.
Without the actual Mrs Demps changing in any way, my perception of her... The way I interpret her actions, change as soon as my understanding of her changed.
Since we all know different things about people and get to know them under varying conditions, we all share a slightly different instance of a person. Therefore, the Mrs Demps that I know... Exists only in my mind. When I die, my instance of Mrs Demps dies along with me.
That is my greatest fear, that nobody ever knows me well enough to the point that when I expire, the instances of me left in their memories does not truly reflect who I was. (Funny though, how whenever someone dies, they instantly get perceived as an exemplary person, in who's footsteps we all should aim to tread)
Problem is, I also greatly fear letting anybody know all of me. I like being perceived as a different person by different people. I don't truly even know who the real me is...
YOU ARE READING
Aiden Deis: My Subset of Reality
AdventureI find my life interesting enough to write about. So I assume there exists a set of people who might find it interesting enough to read about. As should become blatantly obvious, I believe that revising grammar, spelling, style and the like would co...
