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22. This Is Now Run! (part One)

Part 1.

I think I must be dreaming right?

The water around me is making me bang the window of this car with my hand , there's  only a little space to breathe  and the seat belt won't  budge. I think panic is what is sending me into this hell ish pain of my lungs starting to give out as chest is closing up because  I know I can't  swim and something else is wrong.  My  arm and this seat belt are the least of my worries because  Jason is not near me and this is causing more panic and the more I do the more water is consumed.  The car is not that deep into this water,  it's  just it fell on my side  and I  could use my legs to kick the glass of and try swimming  our,  but the seat belt  is keeping me from movement and...

I can feel my self being pulled,  but I can't  seem not to feel the pain in my chest.  It's  like someone pushed a stone down my throat and left it on my chest.
I cough before I can say anything.  This is why I hate swimming,  I know this how death is and I  hate it.

"You weren't  there for that long" he's  telling me,  wrapping  blanket around  me.

"Where are they? " I'm  shivering.  His picking me up and carrying  me the way a groom carries his new bride,  it's making me blush until I spot familiar face and guilt hits my chest like fire and I'm  guilty.

"Glad Kate helped trace my phone"  he's  saying casually.

"What happened  to them? " my own heart starts  to  beat fast at that.

" Taken care of" Jesse  emerges from a big SUV with a small smile.

I'm  scared to ask because  I think it's  not something I want to know tonight.  I just want to sleep next to Jason and dream,  have one of those rare dreams and pretend that my Father died trying so save someone,  that my Mother  died and that I'm  just a nineteen year old girl who will fall in  love  and have one  of those cute little  fairytale  like endings where there won't  be another women meant to marry him, where my best friend is just happy,  where  venous don't  exist and where  coffee  is not my baby's  medication.  Where Cindiey  is the waitress with long dark hair and smiles a lot,  I want to go back there and I think I should stay there.

There's  nothing here,  but the possibility of living in the run and no matter how hard I may try and picture something perfect with Jason,  I find the picture of that broken because  Jason and I together is nothing perfect,  it's  this thing that will hurt many and ruin  too many lives,  including ours.  What we have is what we'll  make us lose,  what we have is something that will bring us  both to our  knees and bury us alive lives.

I want to go back to a time where   I could love Jason without  having to pay  for it.  I want to go back  there and it might be that we can't,  he can't  because  Jason wants something else and it's  something I can't  give.

He needs to have it.

I'm  not it,  not yet and he needs to find it.

Luckily  Jesse is driving us back to the house and not Kate,  I just couldn't  stand the thought of her having to watch us or maybe me having to watch them. 

"Are you okay? " he's  been holding me like this this whole time. Holding me like this fragile baby,  when he  does it I don't  mind.

" I hate swimming " I'm  admitting.

" Is  it because  you can't? " he's  giving me a small smile.

"No,  just..no"  I'm  giving him a small smile.

"So,  Jesse.  When  are you heading  home? " he changes the subject,  sometimes  you can't  tell when he's concerned  or just asking.

"I don't  know, I don't  know if I want" he sounds a bit like he's  brother. Being casually calm about everything must run in  the family.