Montreal

19

19: Skilar

Something rough pierced my chest. Then something cold smashed onto it. And in the end, something took what's inside it, leaving me feeling so . . . empty.

I gasped and woke up as the pain and emptiness combined and I couldn't bear the feeling anymore. No, it wasn't a dream. It was what I was feeling in my core.

Or maybe, the hurt was too much it even haunted me in my sleep.

"Chase, I'm sorry..." hikbi ko.

Ang unang paghikbi ko ay tila isang gatilyo na siyang hudyat ng mga kasunod pang paghikbi. Uminit ang aking mga mata at malayang umagos ang mga sariwang luha. Dahil sa paulit-ulit kong paghingi ng tawad sa kanya ay nalasahan ko ang maalat na luha.

I remembered the first time I saw him. Chase's attention was instantly snatched away by my outside looks. I deliberately bumped him just so... I don't know. I couldn't even recall other parts of my memories except for those direct interactions with him.

He was a schoolmate who couldn't hit on me even though it was beyond obvious how much he liked me because... he was... Chase.

Ang aking liwanag.

Ang aking kasiyahan.

A breath of fresh air.

The only light in my colorless world.

Higit sa lahat: torpe.

But that didn't intimidate the friendliness inside him. He made a friend out of me even though we were totally opposites.

It took him very long to confess his feelings for me because I wasn't very easy on him. Kahit noon pa man ay maldita, suplada at mataray na ako.

But with him I was always different. He made me smile more. He made me want to smile more. He made me realize things I couldn't before.

That even though my life was dull and morbid, I deserved to feel warmth and bliss, too.

He had a hold on me no other people had. And that was also why he could hurt me as much as he could make me happy.

He made me feel so insecure. I knew I had an appearance that was appealing to most people. But somehow... for some reason I couldn't reminisce... he made me feel unwanted.

Maybe because his world was too beautiful, too bright? That it was just the surface for me. But for him, it was the inside. Na sa pinakaibuturan niya ay ang kagandahang kahit kailan ay hindi ko mapaparisan. Na kahit kailan ay hindi kami bagay, para sa isa't-isa.

I gasped so audibly when cold water was splashed violently on me. All of my thoughts seemed to have been sucked in by a very small hole I couldn't think of them anymore. And then I instantly became hyper-aware of my surroundings. Especially the itchiness in the small part of my neck.

I realized it was the familiar prickle of a syringe. Gideon kidnapped me once before and injected me with some kind of a truth serum. Hindi masakit ngunit bahagyang namantal ang parteng may turok kaya naging makati.

Bakal na may upuan at sandalang malambot ang kinatatalian ko. I felt two . . . no, three presences of human around me—one of which was the most familiar.

I was wet but I could still feel the linger of sweat. My body was quickly pulling itself out of numbness. I felt like smiling bitterly because it was ironic how some cursed serum could paralyze my body but not my heart. It was as if I was innately born to carry the burden of a pain that could always make me wish I wasn't alive.