Seeing Through the Cracks

Chapter 11

As Jacob got a little older we shortened his name to Jake because he preferred it. Anytime one of us slipped into calling him Jacob, he swiftly reminded us that it was Jake. The name Jacob quickly became a thing of the past. Just before Jake's fourth birthday, I considered sending him to an independent day care program so that he could earn some independence and socialize more with other children, as the junior kindergarten program in the school system had been withdrawn that year. I found a program that ran half-days and enrolled Jake in the fall. To say the least, it was a disaster.

Within the program there was time to play. That wasn't a problem. But there were also expectations for doing schoolwork; primary exercises with printing the alphabet and numbers. Each day I would wait outside in the hall with the other mothers while the children were dismissed, and every few days Jake's irritated teacher would hold up his paper with a big red X on it and exclaim that Jake refused to do his work that day. I had two opinions about this. First, I felt it was detrimental for the woman to be expressing her feelings about this, not only in front of Jake, but also in front of the other mothers and children. It was a form of humiliation, and I didn't approve. Secondly, I didn't see why it was such a big deal. Jake wasn't even four years old yet. He had plenty of time for this kind of learning. I had enrolled him to engage in some social activity. I tolerated it for a few weeks, and then took the caregiver aside and asked her if Jake was being disruptive when the other children were doing their written exercises.

"No, Jake just sits quietly in his chair during that time," she replied.

I knew how stubborn Jake could now be, and could just imagine him refusing to do the work in a sort of passive aggressive manner, and found it amusing that he could wield so much power over this woman. It was apparent that it bothered her and she obviously wanted more control. But, quite frankly, it wasn't a big deal to me. The purpose of Jake's attendance was to integrate him into a social setting with peers of his age and to have time to play. I was not going to waste time forcing him to do something he wasn't either ready for or was simply uninterested in, or both, especially since he wasn't disturbing anyone.

Before the Christmas break Jake started expressing his dislike of the program, and then he became quite ill and developed pneumonia, and I sensed that the daycare program wasn't the best place for Jake to be. If I thought that the teachers were condescending with me, they were probably even worse with Jake. He was clearly unhappy and not ready. Although Nick had been the kind of child who couldn't get out the door fast enough to be in a school setting, it was becoming clear that Jake just wasn't like him in this regard. And I was really okay with that.

We waited until the next fall, and Jake began senior kindergarten. Completely opposite to his brother, he was more than accepting and happy to have his mother drive him to school on the first day. In fact, he requested that I remain in the classroom with him for his first afternoon of elementary school. The teacher was very understanding, and allowed a few of us to stay. Jake didn't fall into the school routine easily at first, and insisted that I volunteer in the classroom as a helper. I was happy to do this if it would make integration easier for him. Jake had a wonderful teacher who made the process of learning fun for him, and Jake was willing to co-operate. He made friends easily and learned to print letters and numbers, and eventually his own name. At the end of the year, he seemed to be doing just fine.

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Grade one came the following September, and the seesaw of school learning that would become Jake's nemesis reared its ugly head again. The controlling teacher issue was again upon us, only I didn't see it right away. Jake wasn't providing me with any details, but within the second week of school he started complaining about stomach pains and bad dreams, and he wanted to stay at home rather than attend school. Again, I agreed to be a volunteer in his classroom to help ease his comfort level. I thought that this was behind us after a successful year in kindergarten. But now, it was no longer half days; Jake was attending full days that perhaps would take him more time to adapt to.