Seeing Through the Cracks

Chapter 16

A few years following Jake's illness and consequent recovery, using complementary medicine and a cleaner diet, I found myself more interested in the holistic health field. I eventually returned to school and learned the fascinating field of Iridology. Within the study of the iris, I also learned nutrition, allergy eliminations, the study of herbs and some energy medicine. By the time Nick and Jake were both attending school, full time, I had set up my holistic health business with a clinic in our home. This gave me the flexibility to create my own hours so that I could balance work with motherhood. It was a great fit for me and my family, and I enjoyed my work immensely.

The elementary school experience wasn't easy for Jake, and he often complained of his dislike of it. Despite this, he did manage to complete the curriculum with decent grades. By Grade Seven Jake was ready for placement in a fully integrated gifted program with students of like mind and intelligence. Initially he found it far better to be in this setting, as he felt he was finally a part of a tight group. Previous to this Jake had found himself feeling isolated in mainstream classes, and now he had found peers that he could relate to. However, the workload became intolerable for him, and he struggled to keep up. His biggest frustration with this specialized program was the assumption that if one is gifted, then it is assumed that they can handle a greater amount of work. So, added to the enhanced curriculum was a yearlong independent study unit. This was a massive project that was to be accomplished outside of the classroom. He found it ridiculous and highly unnecessary. And to make matters worse, Jake struggled with school testing. This had been an ongoing theme in his earlier grades that was still left unresolved. As his Grade Seven teacher described it, Jake knew the work, and if she asked him to answer questions, Jake had no difficulties. But once forced to sit down with paper and pen and asked to write down the answers within a limited time frame, it was as if he froze with anxiety. His brain shut down and he was unable to proceed with the test. The teacher suggested that she split Jake's test up so that he could write half of it in the morning and the second half in the afternoon, as she agreed it seemed it was an anxiety related issue. She proceeded with the plan. This did help and lessened the stress for both Jake and his educator.

But the heavy workload continued, and although Jake was making good grades, he was feeling enormous pressure and immense unhappiness in the program. He was being challenged but he felt like it was all work and there was never any time for play or to recharge; he was being pushed beyond his emotional capability. Jake then began to find the middle school years socially difficult. He experienced a period of being ostracized. This is a time of struggle for many students; puberty has a cruel way of making one look and feel awkward. And if a child is different, in any way, it is magnified. Jake's saving grace was his solid relationship with his brother, and they were still able to spend some quality time together outside of school. But it was apparently not enough. I would learn later that Jake's sense of isolation at school was a huge issue, but one that Jake was hiding well. I had no idea until much later just how sad and alone he'd been feeling at school.

Just five weeks shy of the completion of Grade Eight and middle school graduation, Jake became extremely ill. He would not return to school, nor would he be present at his graduation ceremony to receive the Media Award that he'd won. Jake was very sad about this. Months would unfold, with Jake fighting to recover from chronic fatigue, nausea, headaches, muscle cramps, and chest pains, before the idea of attending full time school would again be a reality.

At the early onset of this mysterious illness, weeks would pass with Jake only waking briefly to sip a vitamin drink packed with electrolytes, and to get to the bathroom with the use of a walker. He had the strength of a sickly newborn, and as time progressed he would need assistance with bathing and dressing. Visits to medical specialists and the emergency room in the hospital, blood tests, intravenous liquid fuel to treat dehydration and raise his blood pressure, x-rays, ultra-sounds and neuromuscular probing all became a part of our new normal. It was like we'd gone back in time again. As had occurred thirteen years earlier with Jake's mysterious digestive ailment, the doctors once again scratched their heads for lack of a diagnosis. No one knew what was making him so debilitated or how to make him well again. At first it was an absolutely frightening experience for our family. The onset was so acute. The lingering symptoms with no answers from the medical field for weeks had us all worried that Jake might never fully recover. Brian and I played tag with watching and caring for Jake, as we never wanted him to be left alone. There were many times that I would place my face close to Jake's to hear if he was still breathing and still alive, as he lay sleeping, seemingly lifeless. He was like a little baby bird, who when I came by with a drink and brought a straw close to his lips, he would open his mouth and take a sip or two, never opening his eyes, and instantly drift back into a deep sleep.