Seeing Through the Cracks

Chapter 24

Today Jake decides that he wants to try staying overnight in residence. I am very nervous about the concept, and so is he, but we agree to give it a try. I drop Jake off at school and we agree to stay in touch by text throughout the day and evening as part of our support plan. I then drive up the road to visit with my friend, Iris, who has moved to Guelph just a few months ago. I met Iris back in 1985 when I lived and worked in Mississauga. Her daughter, Barbara, had been shot and left a quadriplegic as the result of a convenience store robbery, and she was looking for a full time attendant. I was hired and worked with her for the following eighteen months. It was a job I loved, and if it were not for the unfortunate car accident I was involved in, I would have continued working with Barb for much longer. While I was in the home and helping Barb with her daily routine, I also helped to tidy up and prepare meals for the family, as Iris was a single working mom of five daughters, four of whom still lived at home; I felt it would relieve her stresses to have a hot meal for her and her girls to come home to as often as possible. There were also times that Barb required my assistance for an evening event she was attending, and so I became a larger part of her family life and got to know her, her sisters and her mom quite well. To this day, we all still keep in touch. And Iris, the matriarch, is someone whom I have a deep respect for and I enjoy her company immensely.

I had called Iris the day before to tell her I would be coming to Guelph. She invites me to come to her new home for breakfast. It was exactly what I needed, so I accept. All of the driving back and forth, all of the stress of getting Jake through the last few months, it's all wearing pretty thin on me, and to be treated to a warm breakfast and welcoming company is so nice. Iris doesn't know just what has transpired with Jake, and so I begin to share the story with her while we eat. I break down in tears at times, and as the tale unfolds I begin to realize the heavy toll all of this is having on me. I am also discovering that the more I share, the more supported I feel. Honestly, I don't know what I'd do without the comfort of my female friends. I have always believed that my girlfriends save my life every day, and I am now truly testing them with this. I leave after breakfast feeling more positive and assured that Jake is going to manage fine with his overnight stay in residence.

Jake and I stay in touch throughout the day and evening by text and then on the phone. He tells me that he has finally met his residence mates, that he's attended all of his classes today and worked on school assignments. At 11:00 p.m. we say good night, and I work really hard to let go, stay calm and get a good night's sleep. Nothing about my night is easy, and restful sleep is impossible.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's day ten of me driving Jake to school and the first day that he is being picked up from school after spending a night in residence. Jake has been taking his remedies for ADD diligently, and says that they seem to be helping. He is managing to do well and is attending all classes. But I worry that if there are not more supports in place with the school then I will have many more weeks of driving Jake and having him sleep at home each night. Although Jake reported to me, via text that he had a good day and was on task, when I pick him up from school at the end of today I can instantly see that he'd had some struggles and had not been truthful with me. I have now learned the cues that tell me when Jake is lying, and I also trust my sixth sense, intuition, or maternal radar, whatever one wants to call it. Jake's eyes dilate more, his body gets shaky, and he has difficulty making eye contact. His talk is far more upbeat, almost like he's putting on a show of being perfectly capable and in a really good place. So, I tell him immediately that it's okay if things didn't go as planned. I want Jake to feel just as comfortable talking about the challenges as he does when talking about successes. I also don't want to waste any time talking in circles while he tries to hide the truth and deny an opportunity for growth. It's vitally important that he owns his truth and takes responsibility for his actions.