Seeing Through the Cracks

Chapter 23

It's the second week of my new Saturday morning Circuit Training with Cindy, and Jake is also getting up and joining us. He seems to be thriving with exercise, and enjoys the classes. Nick has come home for a visit. It's always a highlight for me when all of my family is together in one room. It's always great for Jake, too. He and Nick have such an amazing bond. It's a joy to watch them in action. They get together and talk and laugh non-stop. We have a fabulous family dinner, one of our favourites, lamb. And then we drive together to a theatre that is not too far out of town, and see a stand-up comedy show; lots of laughs, much needed, and a good way to cap off Jake's first triumphant week at school.

In mid-January we make the very painful decision to return our recently-adopted dogs, Duff and Roo, back to the pound. I realize that with all of the travelling back and forth to Guelph, and the dogs' anxiety with separation, I just can't provide them with the kind of attention they require. Their behaviour has become far too disruptive for our lives, as well. Each day that I return from Guelph I find a mess in the kitchen that requires a half hour of cleaning up and two distressed animals hungry for an insatiable amount of attention. Although they give us all so much love and affection and serve as a much-needed temporary distraction to the challenges we've had to face in our personal lives, they are also very high maintenance. I am becoming resentful of cleaning up after them after a long day and a lengthy drive home, and it is not fair to the dogs. I need to focus all of my energies on Jake's needs right now. So it's heartbreaking to know I have to return them to the shelter, and it will seem empty in the house without them. But I am at peace and know that I am making the right decision, even though saying good-bye to these beautiful boys is tremendously painful for our family.

On Monday morning I help Jake move from his old townhouse school residence to the new one he's been assigned to. This one is on campus, and is in a much busier and more socially active area. He had hoped to be in a room, sharing with other students, but he is in a pod, and each of the students has a separate room. There's no common sitting room, just a hallway and a shared bathroom. It seems a tad impersonal, but we focus on the fact that it's a closer walk to campus. The hope is that Jake will eventually feel he is able to start sleeping in residence rather than coming home every day. He attends class and then a lab and then we are on our way home.

I host Book Club that evening, and Jake has homework to complete. I later learn that he had allowed himself to become distracted by watching television, and now he has to make up for lost time sometime tomorrow. I don't want to come down on Jake about this; he does need downtime, but he also needs to recognize when enough is enough, and set his priorities in terms of his schoolwork. I can see how he became easily distracted and then turned to online video gaming. I think we can all get into those kinds of funks, where we want to bail on life, sit and do something completely mindless. And after some of the reading on ADD, I see that this is a very real challenge for Jake. We will need to work together to find some strategies to help him stay focused. Jake takes full responsibility for his actions, and is now determined to do whatever it takes to catch up on his school assignments.

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It's the third week of January and Jake and I are both in a happier place. Although I spent four hours today driving back and forth between the university and home, I was able to drop Jake off to fend for himself, while I took some much needed Me-time. Jake successfully managed the day, on his own, and got a lot of schoolwork accomplished. His first English assignment is now complete, and he tells me that he was able to meet up with the students with whom he's doing a group project in computer class. Meanwhile, I was able to have lunch with a friend. I so appreciated this opportunity for some time to just relax and enjoy a meal and conversation with another woman. Jake is working hard, and proving that he really wants to succeed in this semester, which allows me to relax and enjoy a little down time.

Each day that we drive to Guelph we both comment on the colourful ice fishing huts that we see cropping up on Guelph Lake. And each time I say that I'd love to photograph them. So, on Tuesday morning I drop Jake off at university and then drive down the road to the lake. It is a gorgeous, sunny day, although very cold, and I want to capture a few images of some of the ice fishing activity. I packed my photography gear and had purposely dressed more warmly and have my winter mukluks on, so navigating down the wooded area and onto the ice should be easy. Part way down the woods I meet an ice fisher named Andre who has already scoped out the area he wants to set up on. He has his sled full of equipment, and is heading to the ice surface. I ask him if he'd mind if I take some pictures and he is quite gracious about allowing me to do so. The whole idea of someone spending a day on an extremely cold surface just to catch a few fish is absolutely fascinating to me, so I ask Andre many questions as I follow along and watch him prepare for his day. First, to settle my nervousness about walking across the ice, he tells me that it is thick enough to drive a truck over.

Cautiously walking across the ice, and focused upon staying steady on my feet, I ask Andre just what kind are caught in this particular lake. He tells me he can catch Pickerel, Pike, and Crappies. I am also wondering how one knows when it is a good day to fish, as Jake and I had noticed that some days the area is much busier with fishing huts than others. I learn that when the winds are coming from the west, then fishing will be good, but when it comes from the east, the fishermen stay home. Andre tells me that fish are most active early in the morning, and then again in early afternoon. And the colder the day, the better, as frigid waters make for the firmest and flakiest fish, which equals better eating.

The equipment that Andre brought is quite extensive, and I can see that anyone who ice fishes must take their safety very seriously. Andre has spikes to add to his boots to grip the ice better, something I am wishing I had thought of, as I continue to fear losing my balance on this very slippery surface. He has a propane powered auger to help drill the hole in the ice, and a slotted metal ladle to screen out the floating ice bits after drilling so that they won't freeze up on his fishing line. He also has a propane heater to keep his fishing hut warm throughout the day. It is all very fascinating to me, and after an hour of taking photographs of Andre and a few others who have set up to fish, I leave feeling like I've got more than a few good pictures. I've gained a better understanding and a whole new respect for those who love to ice fish. I don't walk away with any fish, but I am satisfied in getting the shots I wanted, and it was a great way to decompress, relax, and not have to think or worry about Jake. It's a welcome reprieve. 

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