pathetic |/ ON HOLD

f o u r t e e n

iris |/ pov

i've decided i hate travelling. so much.

my heart was pounding in time with my footsteps as i made my way off the bus.

this is it. i'm changing my life. right now. no thought. 

i had been fine with my decision during the painfully slow bus journey, but now, as i'm walking through the blast of air from the airport doors, i could feel a slow sweat creeping its way down my neck and across my forehead.

people are pressed in tight, behind the walls made from the arms of security guards. 

my breathing started to pick up its pace. 

my eyes darted around the crowded area. all the eyes staring at me. judging. confused.

i don't want them to hate me, i haven't done anything wrong. is it because i'm friends with tyler and josh?

everyone i knew seemed so distant, i couldn't reach out for help.

the noise intensified as josh and tyler came into view. the fans started pushing against the security guards, a few escaping only to be caught seconds later.

"who are you?!" i heard someone shout, probably aimed at me.

everything was going so fast, but yet they seemed to be passing in slow motion.

my head was pounding, me heart was racing, i was sweating like crazy. and there was nothing to ground me.

i could feel tears dragging themselves along the bottoms of my eyelids, a few running down my cheeks.

i was having a panic attack.

i started shaking, my breaths quickly running away from me like i had forgotten how to breath. more tears made their way down my face. the noise became so incredibly loud but it all blurred together to make one massive white noise.

the chaos was inescapable.

their eyes on me the whole time.

until i felt a hand on the small of my back, propelling me forward.

i let them push me into the women's bathroom.

"you need to breathe, c'mon. okay sit down with me" the voice was echo-y and wavy, but i still followed the instructions.

they pulled me down in between their legs, and pushed my head down so it was resting between my knees.

"calmly, count with me okay? 1, 2, 3, breathe. and again okay.." they carried out all whilst rubbing a hand in slow circles on my back, and rocking me back and fourth slightly.

i focused on their words and what they were saying, taking their advice as best as i could.

after a while my breathing was at an average pace, and i was only hiccuping slightly, i leant back against their chest, both of our legs stretched out.

(idk if you're getting at what im getting at, its like the person on the outside has their legs in a v shape and then moon is between their legs??)

i could feel their heart beating through my back, and their breath making its way through my hair. their hands on my thighs, in a comforting way.

"i'm sorry" i whispered, my voice hoarse from crying.

"you don't have anything to be sorry for" they replied.

slow tears ran down my face, not like before when they were eager to get out. these ones were painful to let go, almost as if i shouldn't be letting them out.

we stayed there leaning against the wall of the women's bathroom. the cold tile floor pressing against the underneath of my legs. their heartbeat captivating me. their breath pulling me.

they pulled me around so that i was now kneeling, facing them directly.

we stared through each other's eyes for the longest time, looking into the person that lay underneath.

i saw a once genuinely  happy person. 

i saw sadness.

i saw pain.

i saw slow tears escape his eyes.

i saw the way his eyelashes fluttered as the tears rolled over them.

i saw the tear follow the curve of his cheek.

i saw the tear roll over his top lip and lay in the parting.

i saw the way he closed his eyes as i caught it with my lips.

but i felt the way i wanted to.

i felt substantial.

the kiss was soft and slow, and gentle and caring.

we both pulled away slowly, too shy to look at each other.

he let out a shaky breath, and ran his fingertips along the skin on my arms.

i wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into me, our heads laying in the crooks of each other's necks, our breaths fanning along one another's skin.

i had soft tears rolling down my cheeks, and i had a feeling he did too.

i needed him beside me. i needed him.

there was a quick knock at the door, making us jump and pull away.

"hey josh, moon, we gotta get going, our flights boarding soon" tyler's voice called through the door.

i stood up holding a hand out for josh to take. he grabbed it, locking our fingers together, before pulling me gently behind him and out of the bathroom.

the screaming became loud again, before growing silent as they saw him and me holding hands.

i glanced up at tyler to see him smiling lightly at me, and i saw him wink at josh just after.

this is the right decision.

AN

___

so hi

sorry i havent updated in months but

i think this is my favourite chapter that i have ever written for anything.

i hope you enjoy it 

stay street