pathetic |/ ON HOLD

e i g h t

slight trigger warning for this chapter, i'll put a brief description of what happened in the authors note at the bottom. just thought i'll let you know

iris |/ pov

"oh another strike, what you sayin'" tyler calls as he struts back over to us in the bowling booth. he turned around and pointed at the floating tv screen that shows the scores.
"sit down tyler, it's my turn" josh laughed, standing up and pushing tyler out of the way to get to the bowling balls. i smiled looking between the two boys, who were more like brothers than friends. i looked down at my lap, twiddling my fingers.
"hey, you ok?" i looked up to my side to see tyler sitting next to me, a soft smile on his lips.
"oh, yeah i'm, uh, 'im fine" i nodded, shuffling to sit up straight again.
"what are you thinking about? i know that face, that's a thinking face" tyler nudged my shoulder gently.

i sighed. "it's just that i feel like josh is wasting his time on me. he could be spending more time with you, or mark, or anyone else but instead he spends his limited time with me and i don't understand why. i'm not important, or special, or funny, or interesting. i'm just pathetic" i sniffled, wiping away a few tears that managed to sneak their way out of my eyes.
tyler wrapped his arm around my shoulders, rubbing his hand up and down my forearm in a comforting way. "hey, no, don't think like that. trust me, josh spends his time only with people that make him happy. he doesn't waste his time with people he doesn't like, because he doesn't want to live like that. if josh enjoys spending time around you, that must mean you make him really happy" he finished. 
"hey whats going on, moon are you okay?" josh came over and knelt down in front of me, his hands finding their way to my knees. i nodded slowly, as his thumbs rubbed over my jean clothed skin.
"i'm fine, promise" i smiled slightly, hopefully reassuring both him and tyler. i really didn't want them worrying about me, they deserved never ending happiness.
"are you sure?" josh continued to stare up at me, his puppy dog eyes melting my heart. smiling slightly at how caring he was being, i nodded my head slowly again.
"i'm taking your go moon" tyler said, before running to the alley. just after he left, josh sat up on tyler's seat, removing his hands from my knees, but putting a hand on my thigh.
"we can go back to yours and talk later if you want moon" he sighed looking at me.

"you don't have to do that" i shook my head, not wanting to be a problem.
"you're right i don't," i looked up slightly startled that he'd be so blunt, "but i want to. i want to be there for you moon. did you really think i was being serious"
i shrugged again. "i guess.. i don't know."
tyler came back over to us, smiling again. "guess who won? me" he laughed pointing to himself.

"should we go then?" josh stood up, extending a hand out to me, which i of course took.
"yeah lets go" tyler nodded, smiling at me.
"dude, i think moon and i are gonna go back to her place, is that okay?" josh asked, squeezing my hand gently every now and again.
"yeah man, thats cool. i just get a taxi cab home" tyler nodded getting his phone out and walking away.
"sorry i'm such a pain" speaking softly, i looked up at josh as we started to walk down the street towards my flat.

"you're not a pain, i promise" josh looked straight ahead at as we spoke.
after that we walked in a comfortable silence, my hand still in josh's, slowly swinging between our two bodies. josh started humming a song, so quietly that i had to strain to hear him. it was really calming, the cool air dancing around on my face and neck, the reassuring grip from josh's hand, then gentle tune erupted from his lips. i could live in this moment forever. 

as we rounded the corner that was about 30 seconds away from my flat, i pulled out my house key to make sure that we weren't wasting time and hanging around the front door.
josh let go of my hand once we reached the front door, to make sure that i could actually open the door. we walked into the lounge, and kicked off our shoes, then sat on the sofa. 
"so what was that about earlier?" josh turned to look at me, sitting cross-legged on the cushions.
copying his actions, but to face him, i glanced down feeling really shy all of a sudden. "it's just that usually when i get close to someone, they end up getting bored and leaving. i don't want the same thing happening to you, because i like being around you"
"i like being around you too, moon. i'm not going to leave you, and i'm not going to find you boring. please don't think that" he whispered his voice breaking slightly.
"i feel like i should tell you something, but i don't want you to leave me when i do" i whimpered glancing down towards my arm.
"you can if you want to. i promise you i want leave, i like you too much to lose you" he followed my eyesight down to my arm. "moon, please don't tell me it is what i think it is" a single tear rolled down his cheek, and settled on his bottom lip.
i don't know what came over me, but i leant forward and brushed it away with my thumb, letting it linger there for a while. josh reached up and took my hand in his, holding it against his lips.
"i'm so sorry" i whispered. he pulled our hands away from his mouth, and placed it onto his lap. he rolled up my sweater sleeve to elbow and traced his hand over the one white line that lay just under my elbow. josh traced his thumb over it slowly, then used it to pull me closer to him.

by now my knees were laying over the top of his, our faces only centimetres from each other.
i looked up through my eyelashes to his silky brown orbs, sort of nervous to be so close to him. he would see all my imperfections, and probably laugh. 
"you are so beautiful" he whispered, using his thumb and forefinger to pull my face up to him.
my heart was beating a mile a minute, everything turning to mush. my breathing was jagged and i couldn't really think straight.

he continued to pull me closer until our noses touch, and our lips brushed, sending an indescribable feeling throughout me.

"are you sure you want to do this?" he whispered again. i nodded slightly, just wanting to kiss him already.
"yeah" i said breathlessly. josh nodded slightly as he finally pulled my lips towards his. his lips were warm and soft, and they felt amazing. lit fuses jumped around my body as we moved to deepen the kiss, but just as we started he stopped, by pulling away abruptly.
i sat up, sort of in shock after everything that just happened, did he suddenly realised how worthless i am? did he think i was bad? too bad to continue?
"moon, i uh- i have a girlfriend"

_______
an
so a brief thing of the chapter,

they went bowling, moon started to think about how josh was too good for her again, josh and her went back to her flat, were moon spoke about her past problems (self harm) and then they kissed but then josh broke it off and said that he has a girlfriend

also sorry about not updating i've been hella freakin sick, like doctors and tablets sick
but i'm kinda okay now
ALSO WHEN U TYPE IN JOSHUA DUN AT THE TOP TO FIND NEW STORIES THIS STORY COMES UP 2ND AND IDK WHY IT DOESNT HAVE NEARLY AS MANY READS OR VOTES AS OTHER STORIES BUT IT MAKES ME REALLLLLLLLYYYYYYYY HSPPY SO