You are not alone

Feelings

I hadn't really talked to people much, just kind of stayed to myself since the whole thing with Kat. I didn't feel like seeing, or talking to anyone.

I was in my room, and decided to go out and get some food. I walked out, and went down the stairs. I went into the kitchen area, and made a quick meal. I grabbed my plate, and started walking back to my room. On the way back, Kat and I crossed paths.

"Hey, Ari." Kat said, as she saw me.

"Umm, hi." I replied, starting to go back to my room.

"Ari?" Kat started. "Are you ok?"

"No, but I'll be fine."

"Ari, I apologized, I don't know what else to do."

"You don't need to do anything, I accepted your apology."

"Then what's wrong?"

"Nothing that's your fault." I assured her.

"Can I help?"

"No." I said, and started walking back to my room.

Once I got to my room, I started eating my plate of food. I had a simple sandwich, and a few grapes. As I finished eating, I put my plate to the side, and laid down. Before I even knew they were there, I couldn't stop tears from steaming down my face. I didn't really try to stop them, I just didn't feel like it. I heard someone come in the room, and quickly wiped my eyes and cheeks.

"Ari, you want to do something?" Jace asked, as he walked over.

"No." I said simply.

"Come on, we can go out and just talk." He tried to convince me, as he sat on his bed, next to mine. "Ari? Are you crying?"

"No." I lied.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Ari, you know I'm not going to stop until you tell me."

I didn't say anything.

"Come on, you can tell me anything." Jace said, as he jumped over to my bed.

"Fine." I said, feeling a little better, now that he was here.

"Good, now what's wrong?" He said, as he laid on his stomach so he could face me.

"I just, I don't want to be asexual, or aromantic anymore. Before I was fine with it, but now..." I stopped, not sure how to explain.

"Why? What happened?"

"Kat happened."

"This is about Kat?"

"Yeah, sort of."

"So, you wish that she had slept with you?"

"Oh god no." I paused. "I just wish I would want that type of thing with someone."

"You want to have sex?"

"No, I just wish I wasn't repulsed by it."

"Ok." He said, but I could tell he didn't really understand.

"You don't have to listen, I'm fine."

"You're not fine, you've been acting weird ever since the Kat thing."

"I don't even know, I feel like there's something wrong with me, like I should like that stuff, but I don't."

"It's ok, you don't have to like it."

"But everyone else does."

"Everyone else, isn't asexual."

"At the very least, I wish I wasn't so freaked out by it."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, every time someone tries to sleep with me, I just have a panic attack. It really sucks, and like when Kat was trying to, I couldn't breathe, she was on top of me, and I just couldn't control it."

"Oh."

"Sorry, it's not something you can really fix, I just don't want to be asexual any more."

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok, you can go out or something, I'll just lay here."

"I'm not going to to leave you."

"I don't want you to stay here all day."

"I didn't say I was going to do that either."He said, as he grabbed my hand and led me out of the room.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"No where in particular." He vaguely answered.

"Why?"

"Don't think about it, let's just go."