You are not alone

Telling

I was having mixed feelings about having a squish. I was scared because that was the first time I was completely lost about my romantic orientation. I never had reason before, though there is always a little voice saying that it is just a phase or I really haven't met the person yet. I thought that I might've met the person that I actually would have feelings for, but it turned out to ha a squish.

I couldn't seem to act normal though, I wanted to be close to him, and I wanted him to like me. I guess Jupiter noticed too, because she walked into our room and shut the door to talk to me."

"What's wrong with you?" She asked, seeming a little concerned.

"Nothing." I tried to sound convincing, but nothing really was wrong, I had already figured it out."

"You seem off, like you're deeply thinking about something all the time."

"Do I?"

"Yeah, you don't seem alright."

"I've been going through something, I guess."

"Can I help?"

"I don't think so."

"Try me."

"Ok, if you insist."

"I do."

"I've figured out that I have a squish on someone."

"A squish?"

"Yeah, it's like a crush, but it's like you want to be really close friends with them; and you really like them as a friend."

"Oh, who is it?"

"I'll give you a hint, they live here."

"There's a lot of people that live here."

"Good luck." Just then, Jace and Kat came in the room.

"Hi Ari." Jace said.

"Hi Jace." I said, biting my lower lip.

"Hey Ari." Kat said.

"Hey Kat." I said casually.

"We were just grabbing some lunch, you want to come?" Jace asked.

"Yeah." I said excitedly.

"We would, but I need to talk to Ari." Jupiter said, and they left.

"What?" I asked.

"It's Jace." She stated, and I looked away, smiling. "It is."

"Yeah."

"Ok, I see it."

"Yeah, but he doesn't know."

"Who doesn't know what?" Jace asked from the doorway.

"Nothing."

"Ari, what are you hiding. From me?"

"Nothing."

"What's going on?" He asked, getting tired of it.

"Umm, we were just talking about my squish." I tried to explain.

"What about it?"

"Can you give us a second?" I asked Jupiter.

"Sure." She said, as she walked out the door.

"We were talking about who it is." I said.

"So she can know, but I can't?" He asked.

"It's different with her."

"How?"

"Because she's not close to him." I tried to explain.

"I'm close to him?"

"Yeah."

"Why can't I know?"

"Because I don't want it to effect my relationship with you!" I paused. "I mean him." I tried to save myself.

"You said me. It's me?"

"Umm." I said, my eyes tearing up from embarrassment.

"It's me?!"

"Maybe."

"Can you give me a straight answer?"

"Yes, it's you. I am completely 100% platonically in love with you."

"Oh, ok."

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking, that I don't know what to think."

"I'm sorry." I said, trying not to let any tears fall from my eyes.

"You don't need to apologize." He said, while I wiped my watering eyes.

"This is going to change everything."

He looked in my eyes, and spoke softly, "It's just a squish."

"What?"

"It's just a squish, it won't change anything."

"Thanks. I'm glad you aren't completely freaked out."

"Well it's new, I've never had someone have a squish on me before."

"And I've never had a squish on anyone before."

"Ok then, it's a learning experience."

"Thanks, thanks for being so cool about this."

"It's cool, you're cool. What exactly do you want though?"

"What?"

"Like... I'm gay, so I wouldn't really date you."

"Right, that's not really what I want either. I just want to be really good friends, like we do a lot together, and I really like you."

"Ok."

"Sorry, I wasn't going to tell you."

"I'm glad you did."

"Well, I can't take it back, so good."

"Ok, I can't believe you have a squish on me."

"You're pretty awesome, at least I think so."

"I'm glad you do. I'm gonna get out of here for a while... you want to come?"

"No, I should start thinking about getting money for this LGBT youth center thing, I've been a little distracted lately."

"Ok."

"Bye, thanks for talking to me."

"Bye."

Jace walked out, and left me alone in the room. Jupiter must've left, because she didn't come back in. I sat on my bed, and got on a computer to see what I could do to get sponsors.