Sweet Chocolate

Alaina POV

*Quack Quack Quack Quack*

I woke up to the sound of the alarm on my phone going off, I have a duck ringtone because who doesn't like ducks, plus its loud as fudge so it wakes me up; I reach over and turn it off, I also look at the four unread messages I had from Kay, Te Te, Sam and Jevoni. I read Kay's message first.

Kay😘: I'm leaving for NY today 😥 we need to chill

Me: ofc boo hmu after school💋

I was sad that Kay would be leaving she was the main person keeping me sane through all this mess, but since school was coming to an end I knew she would be back in a month or so.

I couldn't decide whether I wanted to read Sam's message or Te Te's so I just clicked on Jevoni's, it said he messaged me ten minutes ago which means he must be up early as hell.

Jevoni: good morning beautiful😍

Me: good morning😀

Jevoni: how about after school we hang out

Me: oh sorry I cant Kay is leaving today and she wants to chill

Jevoni: well maybe tonight

Me: yeah maybe.

Before I could open up Sam and Te messages I could hear my mom yelling my name to make sure I'm up.

"I'm awake ma" I yelled while throwing my phone on my bed and getting from under my blankets. I heard the front door close signaling that she was gone.

Zzz Zzz Zzz

I turned around and grabbed my phone to see someone had DMed me, I clicked on it and it was this Tbh post that I had probably accidentally clicked when I was scrolling through Insta last night, I'm not to fond of hearing what random people have to say about me, and this Tbh was not just from one person but from three different people.

Tbh: you seem cool

Tbh: you cute for a dark skin girl

Tbh: you would be fine as fuck if you was light skin

I reread the last two Tbhs over and over again, I didn't realize I was crying till I saw my tear drops hit my phone screen "cute for a dark skin girl" "you would be cute if you was light skin" those words replayed in my head as if it was a catchy song that I couldn't stop singing.

I walked in the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, I mean I really looked"whats wrong with me, why did God curse me with this skin complexion why can't I be pretty why God Why Why! Why do you hate me why me" I yelled at the mirror "I don't want this skin anymore take it back" I yelled while scratching at my skin clawing hoping I could rip it off, I cant take it anymore I wanna be pretty I wanna be good enough, I looked through my cabinets for my razor when I got it I went back to staring at myself in the mirror
"why me God why am I not pretty and light skin I wanna be light skin i don't want this color" I cried when I looked down at my wrist I saw blood but I couldn't stop cutting looking in the mirror it was like I was watching someone else, it was like I was an outsider looking in, I couldn't feel the pain I was numb to it.