friend #hyungwonho

#40/ending

Hyungwon didn't succeed in claiming himself that Hoseok wasn't really dead so he had to face the reality straight away. And it wasn't all that easy for him. No, it was the opposite of easy. He had had some hardships in his life before but this one was on a whole different level. It was so hard he was sure he would die and that was all he wanted to do. The methods he had used to cope with hardships before weren't enough this time.

He locked himself in his room and for the first two days, he just cried. He cried, then slept a bit and cried again. He came to the point where he didn't even think anymore, he just cried. 

Had three days passed by, he couldn't even shed a tear anymore. He was like an empty shell of a human, he just slept and when he couldn't sleep anymore, he laid in his bed staring at the wall or occasionally the ceiling.

His mother was worried and stayed home while her father left to do work. It was the first time she had made that decision during Hyungwon's breakdowns. During the previous times, she had hired Aunt Park to take care of Hyungwon but this time seemed to be too serious.

She delivered food to Hyungwon's door three times a day and took away the previous, untouched meals every time after bringing a new one. She was afraid for Hyungwon's health but making sure he had warm food just in case he wanted to eat was the most she could do at the situation.

Almost a week later, just as his mother was about to call a doctor for him, Hyungwon unlocked his door for the first time. He noticed the steaming bowl of ramen and suddenly felt hungry. He sat on the floor to eat it and the noodles were gone so quickly it was a surprise he didn't choke on them. 

After eating, he was even more hungry and he started walking downstairs to the kitchen where his mom was chopping spring onions in peace.

"Hello, Hyungwon. Do you want something to eat," she greeted at him with a cheerful voice. Hyungwon stared at her for a while before managing to answer because he didn't even know himself what he had came there for.

"D...o we have ice cream?" he asked but because he had been just crying and not talking at all for a week, his voice didn't come out properly and the last two words were the only ones that were even a bit audible.

"In the freezer, honey," she understood it anyways.

Hyungwon took a bucket of ice cream, spoon and went back to his room. It wasn't much but at least he showed that he was still alive.

--

Hyungwon continued isolating himself in his room. One day he was sitting on his bed and staring out of the window when his mother knocked on his door.

"Kihyun is here," she said and opened the door to let the boy in. Hyungwon knew without her having to say it, he had seen Kihyun carefully and hesitatingly approaching the house from his window.

Hyungwon didn't turn to look at Kihyun who was just standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.

"I came to bring you homework," he said and Hyungwon heard him setting something down on the bed. "Jooheon said you have a test coming up."

Hyungwon stayed silent. He hadn't even thought about school and now he realized that he had probably missed so much during the over a week it had already been.

"Also I just wanted to see if you're doing okay," Kihyun silently said after a while. Hyungwon had to look back at him to see if Kihyun was really worrying for his health just now.

"I'm not but thanks for your consideration," he answered and turned back to the window. He tried to stay sassy but was in the verge of breaking down.

"I'm sorry," Kihyun finished before leaving. Hyungwon heard the door close behind him. A few minutes later, he saw Kihyun walking away from the house. He followed the guy until he couldn't even see him anymore and then got up to see what Kihyun had left for him.

There was notes, homework papers and some other stuff. Hyungwon took them and went to his desk. He was going to sit down and start studying when someone caught his attention.

It was the Moomin stuffed toy Hoseok had once gotten him. Now it laid in the corner where Hyungwon had once thrown it. Hyungwon walked to where it was and picked it up. He caressed the soft fabric.

"Hoseok..." he let out a whisper and felt tears rolling from his eyes once again after it had already been a while from the last time he cried. He brought the toy close to his chest and hugged it as tight as he could. He leaned against the wall and slide against it to sit on the ground.

His tears dropped down on his hands that were squeezing the Moomin doll.

It became dark outside and he went to bed, still holding the doll. He fell asleep with it in his arms, thinking that it was Hoseok and when he thought that, he cried even more because the doll was just as soft and warm as Hoseok's arms had been.

The next morning when he woke up with the stuffed toy beside him, he decided that this was the day he would continue his life. He ate breakfast, went to school, studied and made it back home to where both of his parents were welcoming him like it was just a normal day.

Hyungwon made process of continuing his life, slowly but surely. It was hard when everywhere he walked and everything he did reminded him of Hoseok but he managed.

He could have went back to Kihyun and the others, he knew they would have taken him in and acted like he was their friend but he didn't. He knew Hoseok wouldn't like it if he had. Hoseok always tried to protect him from people who could hurt him.

He joined a book club and met some people who were nice to him and approached him when he was too shy to do it. He got some friends he could talk to and hang out with. It really helped him feel more alive again. It was like he belonged somewhere and had people around him who accepted him and cared about him.

But Hyungwon knew he would never find a friend like Hoseok.

--

yes this is the end, the only thing that's left is the alternative ending i promised

anyways, all i have left to say is the usual;

thank you to everybody for supporting this mess of a story. it took me so long to finish this (9 months) so special thanks to those who have been along since the day one

i hope you enjoyed this and don't hate me too much :)