My Other Half (Rickian)

You Idiot

I trudged down the stairs, the only thing pushing me forward was the smell of food that had wafted into my room. I hadn't bothered to get dressed or do my hair, what was the point? Besides, Kian deserved to see what he'd done to me. Okay, maybe that's farfetched, what else was he supposed to say if he didn't feel the same way? As soon as I entered the kitchen the other three boys stopped talking. They looked at me like I had four arms or something. I squinted at them and walked over to the stove where Jc stood.

"Hey." Jc said sympathetically, putting a hand on my back. I shrugged out of his embrace and frowned at him.

"It's not ready yet?"

"Yours was, but Kian decided to steal it." Jc said, his voice calm like he was walking on eggshells. What'd he expect me to do? Attack Kian for eating my breakfast? I just turned and went to sit on the couch. Connor and Kian watched me closely from their seats at the counter. 

"Does everyone know what's going on but me?" Connor said, sassily throwing his hands up in the air. I felt bad leaving him out of it but I wasn't about to explain it in front of Kian. Connor's question lingered in the air unanswered and eventually he just got up and left. 

"This is ready, Ricky." Jc said hurriedly, obviously in a rush to leave the awkward atmosphere as well. I walked over and grabbed the plate from him, my stomach rumbling to encourage me on.

"I'm going to go pick up some groceries, anyone wanna come?" It was obvious by his tone Jc didn't actually want either of us to come. He turned to leave and was joined by Connor on his way out the door. And then there were two.

I sat back down on the couch and watched Kian through my eyelashes as I ate. He was just sitting there looking lost, an unusual look for Kian.

"Andrea apologized." He broke the silence, much to my dismay. The last thing I wanted to hear was that he and Andrea were speaking again, let alone making up.

"Did you accept her apology?" I asked casually, trying not to show how my whole world was relying on the question. I couldn't watch him fall for Andrea again after seeing the aftermath of last time.

"Yeah, we're meeting for lunch today. This doesn't mean we're getting back together though." Even he sounded unsure about the last sentence. It was clear Andrea wanted to get back together and from what I hear Andrea tends to get what she wants. 

"Well, I hope you have a good time." I guess that was sincere. I made my way to dishwasher and dropped my dish into it, but I wasn't really there. I was in a totally different place in my mind. I didn't even comeback to reality until I was in my room with the door shut. It felt like the pain was eating me from the inside out. I looked around the room with tear clouded eyes for anything to distract me from the way I felt. I seen a pair of scissors and before I could even comprehend what I was doing they were against my wrist. I closed my eyes and began to slice the blade across my arm. I was pretty distracted so I didn't even notice Kian behind me before he grabbed my arm.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Kian yelled at me. I look up at him wide-eyed, what had I been doing? I was just so lost anything, even physical pain, would have felt better than the empty feeling in my chest.

"Have you lost your fucking mind!?" He was practically roaring at me. I'd never seen Kian's face this ugly with rage. I felt sick to my stomach just looking at it. 

"God, and you had the nerve to call me naive!?" He said, slapping my across the face. I winced and slowly raised my hand to my face, not surprised it came back covered in tears. I watched Kian's expression twist and suddenly he was crying as well.

"Do you have any idea how hard this is on ME? To see you like this? You don't even look alive anymore Ricky! Pull yourself together, if not for your sake at least do it for mine." He begged, sinking down to his knees to be at eye level with me. We sat their in silence for thirty seconds just staring at each other crying before either of us dared to move or speak.

"I'm sorry." My voice was squeaky and way too emotional sounding but at this point I didn't care. Kian had seen me at my absolute worst.

"So am I." He said, his voice coming across a lot more gruff. More awkward silence followed before I noticed the time.

"You should get going, it's past the time you're supposed to meet Andrea." I warned, pointing to the clock.

"Do you seriously think I'm going to leave you home alone after finding you like this?"

"It's not like I intended to kill myself, they aren't deep enough for any serious problems. I was using scissors after all."

"I don't care! You were still hurting yourself and accidents happen." He concluded. Our eyes locked and I was a little overwhelmed with just how much concern there was in his. 

"Do you think they'll scar?" Kian asked, running a finger across one. I slapped his hand away and shrugged.

"I don't know, maybe. I'll just wear long-sleeves until they're less noticeable. Don't worry, the fans won't ever know." Kian laughed at me.

"You honestly think I'm worried about the fans right now? You idiot." He said, hugging me to him clumsily. 

A/N: Ahhhhhh! Over 100 votes you guys are amazing! I know this chapter was kind of boring but shh the fun ones are coming up now that Kian knows Ricky's feelings. Also if any of you still haven't checked out my Rickian smut you should!