Broken Faith ✓

Chapter 3: Unwanted Loathing

Clink, clink, clink.

I was mindlessly stirring. Just stirring and stirring. So much so that the hot chocolate has long dismembered and dissolved into the warm mug of milk but I paid no heed.

I was busy, most probably, squinting my face to analyse and get a hold of an answer as to why this happened.

Every night it was the same dream. The same one. One of the very few happy memories of my tainted childhood, and one of the only ones I could seem to bring into my conscious awareness.

I was swinging happily on a swing in the parks and my parents were behind me pushing it. I swung higher and higher. Higher and higher back and forth on the swing as if I was soaring like a free bird. The wind got a little colder as I was reaching greater heights but it was soothing.

Suddenly my parents disappeared and I was flying through the air in utter fear.

The sky turned dark.

I was falling and falling.

Life was being sucked out of me because I was falling too fast. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't scream. And just before I landed I woke up.

I woke up every day in a sweat breathing hastily just before my alarm went off. The thing is I didn't understand what it meant. I was not falling. I never was thanks to Gran.

But she wasn't even in the dream. I spent most of my life - in fact my life - with Gran so how could she not be in it?

My parents. I remembered going to the park with them but that was before everything.

I didn't understand. I was in a good place.

And when I wasn't Gran saved me very quickly from it all and kept me sheltered under her wing. So why was I falling? I never was and was not now.

The future. But I was in control of my life so therefore my future.

Yes, it was a little uncertain but wasn't life? I just would love to have my escape to the world of dreams left unterrorised by a nightmare that had or hadn't happened.

As I walked into English I let out a sigh. It had been a few days. All I could say was that I was adjusting.

Well attempting to anyway. Ryder and I talked but it was strictly professional.

Rather I should say he asked and I answered with as minimum words as I could.

He only asked about the work we were doing because he was far too lazy and impatient to look for the answers himself.

But I didn't work so hard to complete the work as eloquently as I could just so he could steal my answers.

Oh no. I would never let anyone do that.

So instead I steered him to where the answer was and left the rest up to him.

And just to add, I didn't answer his questions because I wanted to tell him the answers. I hated when people tried and copied others or use shortcuts when it came to school work, I only pointed them in the right direction irrespective of who it is.

He walked in today while I was hoping his laziness would overtake him and he would be off so I could have peace to complete today's task.

Like always the work was handed and explained to us and we were left to complete it. But for some reason his friend Rory kept turning round to talk to Ryder.

I was getting so disturbed. It was highly irritating. Like a little tiny mosquito that wouldn't stop buzzing right next to my ear.

They were too loud and were talking about Scooby Doo, of all things!