Broken Faith ✓

Chapter 35: Leaving and Staying

I was restless all night. Previous encounters with my father started to crawl out of the corners of my mind that I had pushed them into. I tossed and I was sure I was murmuring in my sleep and waking up with beads of sweat all over my face with my body trembling.

But every single time he was there to soothe me and comfort me, he really did watch over me and it didn't matter how many times I woke up in the night in a frantic manner he was always there, always.

For someone who has never had anyone there this was one of the biggest gifts you could ever give them.

When I finally did wake up naturally in the morning unterrorised by my life, soft green eyes were blinking at me.

"Hi" he smiled as his arms were still wrapped around me enveloping me in the warmth radiating from his body.

"Hi" I returned his smile but rather weakly.

"How are you feeling?"

I began to rise and sit on the sofa that we had been laying on seconds ago realising that Ryder had been supporting my weight the entire night. He shifted too to sit and I try to just let my body settle in waking up.

"I....I'm okay"

"Faith, you don't have to hide from me. It's me. Whatever the hell you are feeling you can tell me" he said as he clasped his left hand with my right and I felt it. I felt that this wasn't a dream. He still was here with me. He stayed. I wasn't alone like I always was.

I could feel the emotions bubbling under the surface. There were so many. But the most poignant one was that I wanted to let this out. Not for the sake of it, I wanted to let it out because I trusted the guy sitting next to me. I wanted to let it out to him because he was with me through it all and after so long of hiding all this from the whole world I finally felt like I could let it out and share this with someone. Share the realities of my life and the dark emotions they caused within me.

I turned to face him and his concerned green eyes were trained on every expression crossing my face "I want to tell you Ryder"

"Faith, you don't have to. I don't need to know anything at all. I'm happy just being with you" his expressions absolutely serious.

"But that's the thing. I want to tell you. I haven't told anyone before but I want to tell you Ryder"

"Okay" his whole posture became rigid and his expression reflected anxiousness as he settled back into the sofa. I couldn't really blame him. After last night, he knew he wasn't going to like what some of my life had entailed.

I took some deep breaths. This was hard regardless of whether I wanted to do it or not. To have to relive it all was going to be hard yet to let it out I knew would make my heart lighter, well I hoped at least.

As if he knew what I was feeling Ryder's grip on my hand tightened. That. That was all I needed to comfort me and show me he was worthy of seeing my deep wounds and scars, all the vulnerability and emotion.

I shifted so my body was facing him and his was facing mine all the while I never let go of his hand.

"My childhood was, well most of it was pretty good. The happiest thing I remember was playing in the park with my parents pushing the swing I was on"

I looked down to our entwined hands and smiled sadly.

"I don't remember how it started because I was still young but the next thing I knew my parents were spending less and less time with me and more outside of the house. Luckily my gran lived with us and she raised me the rest of my childhood."