Broken Faith ✓

Chapter 38: Broken Infinities

I could hear Arlo's laugh echo so loudly. His unhindered laughs shrieking out of him. I turned around to see Ryder throwing him up again and again and catching him with the most carefree smile lingering on Ryder's face. 

I couldn't help but smile and laugh as I caught them sharing such a tender moment together. For Arlo, I knew I was his mother and he was my son. Nobody could tell me any different or try and name our relation in any other way. 

But Ryder had walked into our lives relatively recently. I didn't force him to fit into this. Or fit into us and what Arlo and I were. And yet without questions, without any judgement he stepped into Arlo's life without any second thoughts or hesitation. 

My deepest secret, my baby, I hid from the world. And yet Ryder sought him out and glorified him, the way my baby deserved to be. More than anything he had done for me, this was the most selfless thing I could never repay him for. For stepping in and being a steady figure in Arlo's life when he wasn't obligated to or asked to. 

I watched them secretly still, scared to intrude on their special moment that they shared with no one else but each other. It was moments like this that I found it harder and harder to control myself and not kiss the hell out of Ryder or make love to him right here and now. Shy Faith was evolving. 

In fact Faith had evolved so much. She was mo longer scattered pieces of herself. She was whole, she was happy, she was love. 

I walked to them slowly, and they both turned to me. Ryder pausing their game and putting Arlo down for a moment "Hey" Ryder said, his smile stretched further up his face "Wanna join in?" 

I scoffed and laughed "And how do you plan on doing that? I don't think you could catch me" I raised an eyebrow. 

"Dad could so catch you, mom!" Ryder and I abruptly looked at each other, and then at Arlo. 

Ryder choked up and smiled "What did you just call me?!" he asked with so much excitement as he leaned closer towards Arlo.

Arlo shrugged his shoulders like it was matter of fact and just the most obvious thing in this world "Dad"

I gasped and brought a hand to my cover my mouth in astonishment "But I thought you call him Ryder?" 

"Yeah but Sam asked me who he was when he dropped me off at nursery and I said Ryder but Sam said you shouldn't call him by his name if he is my dad. So I asked him what a dad does and Sam said if he kisses my mom and stays with us but also goes to work and plays with me when he gets home then he is my dad. I told him I had never had a dad before but Ryder was definitely my dad" Arlo answered so nonchalantly. 

My vision became blurry as my eyes filled with unshed, tiny tears. But before I could even do anything Ryder had bent down and scooped up Arlo in his arms holding him tightly to his chest as Arlo lay his head on Ryder's shoulder. Ryder nudged his head as close to Arlo's neck as he could get. 

"You're right, Arlo. I am your dad" Ryder said quietly but his voice betrayed him as it trembled slightly. He glanced up at me and a lone tear slipped down his cheek. I sunk to my knees and brushed it away with the pad of my thumb. 

He looked at me with such vulnerability swimming about in those deep green eyes. "I know" I whispered as I kissed his lips. 

Ryder pulled me in to the hug too so that his arms were around me and Arlo was between us. But Ryder wasn't happy with this, he tugged on my arm and brought me to his side so I was hugging him directly and Arlo was on his other shoulder hugging him. 

He buried his face in my neck and just breathed in deeply. I felt like I was watching this all happen, like an out of body experience. 

I leaned back and Ryder's hand held my back firmly in place. But I intended to go nowhere. I kissed him slowly and deeply. He kissed me back but we broke apart as we heard a sound. 

Arlo huffed "Can I open my eyes yet?" 

We turned our heads to see him propped up against Ryder's chest with his chubby little hands covering his eyes. Ryder and I laughed at how adorable Arlo was being. 

"Yes you can look" Ryder chuckled. 

"Phew" Arlo dramatically wiped the back of his hand on his forehead "You kiss mom a lot, dad. Am I going to have to cover my eyes every time?" 

Ryder covered his face with his hand and then swept his hair back in bewilderment "No you don't have to. But no kissing any girls like that yet at nursery ok?" Ryder wagged his index finger at Arlo and made his voice firm. 

"I won't" Arlo shook his head certainly. 

"Promise?" Ryder asked. 

"Pinky promise!" Arlo beamed as he held out his pinky. 

"Pinky promise" Ryder smiled and kissed Arlo's forehead. He smiled and interlocked his pinky with Arlo's. 

My jaw hurt from smiling so much. Not just today, but for so long now. My heart was at peace because this was peace. These two beautiful beings that were hugging each other through no connection to each other other than the unconditional love in their hearts for each other. These two beautiful beings my world revolved around. In fact, these two people were my world and always would be. They made me complete. They made me whole. So no piece of me was left broken. 

Maybe no one had to remain broken. Maybe if we waited long enough and with some patience and love we would see that there will be people around us that will make us whole again, that will give us so much love that we will become more full than we ever were even before we found ourselves wounded and shattered.

Whether that was a parental figure, a sibling, a friend, a significant other. Whoever it was, we would give them all our love and they would give us all of theirs. There love would fix you and your love would fix them. I didn't think it was possible but now I knew it was. 

Maybe we didn't have to remain broken. Maybe the only thing that remained broken was always, forever, eternity or whatever you called it. Because we aren't promised all of time. At one point it will end and so will we. And for all of us this comes at different points in our lives. But maybe its about making the most of the broken forever that you have been given. Maybe its about giving someone all you love, unconditionally, without hesitation and with reckless abandon. Maybe, just maybe, its about only letting infinity remain broken. 

OH MY GOODNESS. THIS has been such a rollercoaster. I can't believe its the end. I feel like its a good end though. I hope I did Faith and Ryder justice though. They deserve it ♥

Im sorry for abandoning this book for a while and not uploading chapters for a while. I genuinely did not think I would finish this book. But Im so proud of myself :') 

I want to thank you, yes you beautiful person, who is reading this right now in this moment. Thank you. Thank you if you read a word, a sentence, a chapter. Thank you for choosing to. It means a lot to me. More than you will ever know. 

And now we move on to new horizons. New stories and words to be told. I am writing a new story. I would love for you to join me there. Its called She Was Like Magic. I understand if its not your type of book but if it is, I hope to see you there! 

Thank you once again for everything, 

Love always 

~ Felicity ♥