Broken Faith ✓

Chapter 21: Push the Bad Memories Away

I was putting Arlo to bed trying my best to stay composed but I could see that my baby could see the sadness shining through my eyes as if they were talking to Arlo on their own, without my permission. 

I was trying my best to hang on and stop the tears that were so forcefully trying to come out. No matter how much I tried and immersed myself completely into my routine of a Friday night my head was intermittently clouded with what occurred earlier today, this afternoon. 

I was talking about it like it was a crime. I knew I was doing it to detach myself and hopelessly try and untangle myself from the emotions I was feeling. But it was a crime. A crime committed by me. I had hurt him so much that I couldn't even face him whilst doing it, such a coward I was. It was such a heinous crime committed by me pushing him away the way I did when he was the only one...the only one that actually wanted to come into my life. At the same time, I had to do it for him, to protect him and keep him away from this life of mine. It didn't matter though how many times I tried to pacify myself like this, I couldn't reason logically with my emotional heart. 

I was so vanquished with emotions and all I could hear was loud sounds of a car, profanity and shrieking laughter. I carefully peered out the window and I saw they were right outside our house. I couldn't shake the warning twists beginning to develop in my stomach. 

"Arlo, baby right now people are going to come into the house. But I want you stay in this room." My voice faltered with fear, panic and I know I was pleading with him not to alarm him. 

My baby uttered quietly "Okay" despite that his eyes were filled with so many questions. I kissed his head and walked away before I broke down in front of him. I was pacing knowing that what would occur I couldn't even predict. He was ruthless. Fear surged through my body as I realised I couldn't fight this. There were two of them and only me and I couldn't let them get to my baby or find him and they might if I tried to fight them, this thought causing my heart to plummet even further into my stomach. 

Usually with every situation even though it could be unpredictable there were a few options that the way a situation can unravel itself. But with them anything could happen. Literally ANYTHING. My heart was racing and sweat began to form in the dip of my back between my shoulder blades as I heard them getting closer and closer to the door. I hid the pendant Mr and Mrs Evans had gifted me with for my birthday just last week under the top I was wearing so they couldn't see it.

No matter what happened, I had to stay alive for Arlo. I had to keep myself alive for my baby. He had no one but me and the daunting thought of him having to live without me and being placed into the foster system, or ending up on the streets scared me so much that ITS NOT EVEN AN OPTION FAITH! You will MAKE IT for your baby. 

I knew it was about to happen, I knew this was coming and I just wanted to surpass this and hug Arlo again. I was pacing in the living room so fast back and forth that it was making me dizzy until the front door burst open rooting me to the spot. 

Suddenly I couldn't breathe. There were two of them. One was so tall and broad and his stance screamed muscle power and bodyguard. The other was skinny but still had muscle and some frightening scars on his face, he must have been the mind between the two. 

They walked in and made themselves comfortable, the bodyguard by standing and the other skinny muscly guy sat on the sofa. His arms spread across the top of the sofa while he crossed one leg over the other widely "Hello, chica. We are here to collect our payment." He smiled like this was the easiest thing he had to do in his violence filled life as his scars so intimidatingly told me. 

I didn't know what to say. I was thinking of what to say but none of the options had enough courage to make it to my lips. I mumbled so much so that even I couldn't hear myself "I don't have anything to give you".