Broken Faith ✓

Chapter 36: Touch

Five months. It took five months of denying myself happiness. Running away from the very source of it for me to realise I needed it to embrace it with every broken part of me.

And the rest of the four and a half months I have cherished every second of. It had been the most beautiful part of my life yet, and I knew it would only grow more and more beautiful.

Which is why every time I thought about tonight, something twisted in my stomach. Not the kind when I knew something awful is happening. Not like every other time my stomach had twisted.

This twist I had never felt in my life before. Every iota of my mind told me to not believe a word he said. Not to trust him, because I would get hurt. Or he would leave me. Everyone in my life had, why should he have been any different. But every warning sign, every fear, every doubt, every fragment of the negative evapourated when he walked into my life.

I could not stop thinking about him. He had done more for me in these last few months than people had my entire life. And though, every atom of my brain was saying fight this when I met him, for the first time in my life, I didn't want to fight.

I wanted to fall. Fall deeper into whatever this was. Fall deeper into emotions I never knew existed. Fall deeper into someone's arms; his arms. Fall deeper into the sense I actually could rely on someone.

Yes it was scary at first, fear gripped me so tightly as if it wouldn't let me free from its clutches but somehow my logic was over ridden with some peace that I had never known before him.

I got up knowing I needed to actually make an effort tonight. To do something I had never attempted before would take practice so I gave myself plenty of time for error.

But first I got up and opened the box he specifically instructed me to do so just before I begin to get ready. It was a red box with a white bow holding it together. I was not not used to people expressing their emotions towards me through their thoughts and efforts. I pulled at the strand of the bow and lifted the lid of the box. It was a dress. The kind I could never afford. The kind that makes women look so amazing. The kind I had only seen in movies.

It was long, black with thin straps and a medium to high neck thank goodness but it had a slit down the side! Up to the thigh! How was I supposed to wear this? I had never shown more than my arms or ankles if you were lucky. And he had been lucky Ariana dressed me for our first date.

How did he expect me to wear this? I dont have the body for this! I....I can't. I was panicking. I looked back to attempt to put the dress back in the box when I saw some makeup and a letter. I opened it smelling it just to see if I could seek comfort in his smell in this dubious moment.

"Faith, I want to see you in this dress tonight. No excuses. No panicking." He knew me well. Too well in fact. "I know your beauty. This dress doesnt make you beautiful, your heart does. But tonight I want to show beautiful you off to the world. To show them you're mine. To show them just how hot and stunning Faith really is. And because for once in your life, I want you to dress up, spend time on yourself and feel special. I want to give you everything you have ever dreamed of and I know this is just one of them so please let me make one of your dreams come true tonight. Yours, Ryder." I had to re-read the last couple of sentences because of the flood of tears falling from my eyes. I clutched the letter so tightly to my chest. I sobbed and I could not stop it.

No man, NO MAN had ever thought about me so much. No man had ever considered my dreams, my hopes, my silent wishes. I delicately picked the dress up and smiled profusely. Today was the day of new beginnings. Of a new Faith, the kind that was ever hopeful.

I took a shower. I borrowed some things from Ariana like a hairdryer, a mirror, some of her hair acessories, earrings, necklaces and dont ask me why but she INSISTED i take some push up bras just in case even when i refused immensely. I dried my hair.