Broken Faith ✓

Chapter 13: Waving Can Get You In Trouble

On nights like this when sleep stumbled to make it to me, my mind would become a constant churn.

On nights like these, sleep seldom had the power to overtake my mind and put me at ease.

I raked my hand through my hair out of sheer frustration. I thought things were getting better. I had started dreaming of a green eyed monster and the shadows of my past haunted me less and less in the world of sleep.

I got up out of my battered mattress and slowly crept to the living area careful to shut the bedroom door behind me quietly so Arlo wouldn't be disturbed. I sunk into the sofa holding my knees in front of me and placed my chin on top of them. I knew better than to lie there restless, tossing and turning when I wouldn't get sleep.

My mind clearly wanted to try and deal with some of the deep scars that my soul and body still bared to this day. But how naïve of it, to think it could heal years' worth of torture.

For the night always knew what my mind did not. And on these lonely nights, some comfort and peace seemed to resonate in the air.

The night said it knew what I had been through. It told me it had seen it all. It seen the brutality with which my childhood was snatched from me and murdered so coldly, so ruthlessly.

It knew I had to grow up quicker than I should have. It knew my freedom was plucked from my grasp. It knew love and everything beautiful in my life was crushed upon.

It saw everything it told me, and though it said nothing but it saw every moment.

It saw how despair often turned into the deepest sadness trying to crawl out from my heart and soul through the corner of my eyes. It saw my eyes, the depth and pain in them, unsurmountable and so hard to put into words.

It knew nobody would understand. But it whispered to me so delicately that it understood. It understood everything that I went through.

Every little step taken that may have seen trivial to everyone else, it saw just how much courage it took me. It saw how I could have allowed for this to cripple me forever. It said but I still took those tiny steps.

It said I shouldn't have had to deal with what I did, I shouldn't have had to deal with the burdens of other people. I shouldn't have had to nor should I had ever been made to see that. I should have been protected.

But even after it all, I still made it through.

Tears began to stream down my face and drip straight from my chin that was still resting on my knees as a sigh left my lips and my eyes closed gently. A sudden quiet peace began spreading from my heart through my body like a tiny speck of ink spreading throughout a blank page at the thought that someone saw.

I began to calm myself down and wipe my tears. The peace that was spreading through me began to make it easier to breathe as I realised the tears that had now been let out would allow me to sleep again. The sudden burst of pain had now left my body evaporating and being taken care of by an old friend of mine; the night.

I got up and made my way back to the comfort of my bed and I just knew I could reach the realm of sleep now.

I had woken up feeling much better than the night with a sense of relief and dare I say optimism flowing through my veins.

Wasn't it so funny? When life used to get hard it would be hard to keep going but somehow falling for someone just made everything brighter? An undeniable emotion was riding through me that I felt it didn't matter what came my way I knew I was going to make it through and not only that, but I would be happy. I found it ridiculously funny how one person could make you feel all this.