Idiosyncrasies of a Shadow // (ManxMan)

~Chapter 4~

[Ryland]

*~*~*

I am a shadow.

I am, but a shell for my achievements,

I took away the love my brother had deserved;

I didn't even notice.

I deserve no such thing as love, For –

I had been selfish to the one person that is truly selfless, the one -

I should have loved.

I know the damage is irreversible.

I accepted the consequences, because –

I remember the day my innocence was taken;

I remember it clear as day. Leaving behind a perfect silhouette of what –

I am; but a mere shadow.

*~*~*

I am still shell shocked from the amount of protectiveness Felix had unleashed upon hearing something I said.

And I can't even remember what triggered his reaction. I've been told I am dense, and I know I am. I am in no way observant. But that's fine, I guess I am just here for the status, that's all my parents want from me in the end;

Just to boast about their child.

A sob tears through my empty apartment, penthouse of a complex, it's always just me, such a big, empty space for one person. But that's what I deserve and I have no right to take anything from anyone. Especially love.

Then I remember how my brother acted. My sobs turn into crying.

I've missed so much of his teens and adulthood, he used to be, for a lack of better vocabulary, very weak... I remember the times when he would hide away from the bullies at school. But it was all too late when I found out, Felix had already stepped in, and I'm so fucking dense I didn't even see the bruises under his shirt.

He is a good kid too, caring and optimistic. But I didn't expect him to block a punch like that... as if it's in his blood to protect me. Or just people in general.

Even after all that shit I've done to him.

Skylar: OMG >.< look at this puppy! It's like a marshmallow! [attached image]

Skylar: I forgot to ask, but I haven't spoken to you in a long while. How about we have dinner tonight? I can make brownies! :D

My crying gets worse. Why would he love someone like me?

~

"Knocky knocky!" I hear a familiar giggle on the other side of my front door, followed by a rhythmic knock of sorts.

You can do this! You just need to be more careful with him. Don't make him upset. I sigh, Who the fuck am I kidding, I'm a lost cause through and through.

I open the door for him and Skylar jumps in with a very annoyed Felix behind him holding at least 4 bags of what I assume is food.

It's barely been 3 days since he got cocked in the face, but my brother is good as new, at least his spirit is, the bruise is still pretty nasty. Running into my place with a wide smile he twirled around like a ballerina and shouted, "Thank you for coming with me Jelly bean!"

I hear a disjointed 'whatever' from Felix as he places the bags on the table top. I barely have a second to recover before Skylar jumps on me and squeezes so hard I feel my bones bruising, metaphorically, I feel my sadness leaving too. "Hi Ryland! How is the new book store? I heard there is going to be a café in it! Sounds awesome, maybe I'll bring Felix with me when it opens up!"