Idiosyncrasies of a Shadow // (ManxMan)

~Chapter 23~

[Aaron]

*~*~*

But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?

Boy, oh boy I love it when I fall for that

I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?

Boy, oh boy I love you when I fall for that.

I'm weak.

-- Weak, AJR

*~*~*

I don't know what' going on in that sexy head of his, but he needs to chill the fuck out. I'm glad he walked out before I placed more accusations on him. He doesn't deserve the stress and neither do I, he's clearly in enough shit before I came, that argument just made it worse. Whatever is happening in his head won't automatically transfer to mine, I can't expect him to do anything that he isn't comfortable with, but this is really taking a toll on my brain cells.

Does he like me? Clearly not enough even if he does, he admits that he still loves Owen. I'm probably some fuck and dump case. And I'm not even repulsed by it.

I've always had an inclination towards females, but being taken care of feels great. I guess it's because I am normally in control of so many things that I assume that translates to romantic relationships. I'm no control freak but when it comes to work, the obligation is something I can't shake off.

This is all too complicated, exhibit A for why I never look for dates.

"I-I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't h-have showed up..." Owen whispers, he sets a steaming cup of coffee, it isn't from a vending machine, so he must've went to a coffee shop. Poor kid is still shivering. "I'll leave after I say hi..."

Owen is far too shy, and very self conscious. He doesn't get that the things he's been through is not normal, and he discredits himself way too often. He doesn't speak about it but I know he used to hurt himself, not sure if he does anymore but he has no perception of self worth whatsoever.

"I meant what I said just now, none of this is your fault Owen. It's not your fault that he's not willing to speak about himself." The plastic chair is very uncomfortable, and I'm glad that this is a day off for me, because I really just feel like lounging but seeing Owen so uncomfortable at my place I just suggested we go shopping.

Owen grips his juice tight, and brings his knees up to his chest. I take my coat off and drape it over his shoulders. He thanks me in form of a smile, a very meaningful smile. It's strange how just from facial expression you can differentiate people's sincerity. How does the brain even begin to interpret that? I'll never know. Just like how I will never know what Roman is thinking.

"I'm sorry if this makes you upset, but I think you should know this. Roman has never been a very vocal person... the only time he looks like what he feels is... um... during sex... otherwise he never says anything. We were together for a couple of years, I know he loved me but he never says it out loud. It's more in form of little gifts or making nice dinner..." Owen sighs, "I guess it's just his own way of saying it. So don't get upset if he doesn't speak much."

Owen's got a point. Not everyone expresses themselves the same way, and his experience with Roman is far greater than I have. I've already experienced the lust part of the deal, he did make me dinner once and bought me that necklace. But it was one time thing. So is there still something going on? Or is this just a ruse to make himself happy?

I'm not upset about the fact that he doesn't say things out loud though. I'm upset he expects me to know something is wrong, I'm not a mind reader and I have a busy schedule, he can't expect me to set up a date every time. If he asked I would've made time for him. Maybe I'm not enough?