Idiosyncrasies of a Shadow // (ManxMan)

~Chapter 28~

[Felix]

*~*~*

Give and take.

Reaching an equilibrium of the two is not hard,

You win some; you lose some.

But the instance of giving is testing, when letting go is involved.

And coincidentally, what you take,

Is eventually what you give back,

So to be able to learn how to 'let go'

Is a blessing in itself.

Because at the moment of parting;

You know you cherished what you took

Enough to not want to -

Let go.

*~*~*

Fuck.

The annoying noise of flappy bird stops, my poor bird drops to the floor like a fish out of water, it's quite gruesome actually, corpses scattered across the first 5 pipes. That's as far as I've ever gotten. I am about to restart but a message comes through.

Chef: Skylar bumped into mom. Just down the hall on the left. Grab dad.

I look to my right, dad chatting with Owen about something or the other. I whisper in his ear, "Skylar bumped into the ex wife." He straightens, seems that Owen caught the words and nods at us hopefully. Owen is a great person, he seems terrified of me so I don't make an active move to try and engage one on one conversations. The last thing I need is to scare the poor guy.

"I'll be waiting for Roman to show up, you go sort the family stuff out." I smile at him and pull dad off his chair, taking a swift exit into the hallways, is this going to be another panic attack? I wasn't expecting her to show up, I should've though, no offence Sebastien, but she is a right gold digger and being at social events such as this should only make sense. But what if this goes downhill? What will happen then? Will I be frozen like our last encounter? Am I ready to fix the situation if it breaks? Do I dare hit a woman? No, not because she's a woman but I don't want to make Aaron's event a bust, I will contain it and I will reprimand her outside of this ballroom. At least I have one of the many questions answered, but of course, it has something to do with violence.

I come up behind Ryland, who is standing very far from Skylar and the egg donor. The way Skylar is standing, that posture, that stance. I know it, and I know it well. Every time I see it, I am either fuming or really hurt from a fight, and he stands the same way to whoever thinks I am unworthy of a friend. He stands the same way at the beginning of someone bullying him, despite falling over time and time again, he still stands. But this is different. His mother never gave him the chance to stand in the first place. This is a first for him.

Just two months ago, Skylar was crying, panicking at the voice of his mother. I have no doubt he is still afraid, but he isn't going to back down. It's very clear. He says his lines, lines that both traumatise and shake me to the core.

"You destroyed your own life."

"Why did you do this to yourself?"

"We loved you."

Three simple statements and a long stare down later, the silence breaks. "And you think you did me proud? Proud enough to love you?"

Love isn't about worthiness. Ryland isn't worthy of my love, he just needs to be. Existing is enough for me to love him. It shouldn't be about pride or possession, it should be about unconditional love. Whatever she thinks is love, isn't. Even if Skylar was worthy in her standards, it still wouldn't be love.