I Won't Leave Again (Touken)

Chapter 6: Stay

As Touka waited for Kaneki, she put on a hard face. Finally, he entered the room. As soon as she looked into his silver eyes and saw sadness her look quickly changed to worry. Kaneki himself shut his eyes and seemed to brace himself for what could be a beating, but it didn't come. When he opened, he stared into her face and saw the worry for himself. Noticing she wasn't moving, he started. 

"Umm hey" 

"...Hi" 

Both went quiet unsure of what to say. She was about to speak up when he spoke in a sad voice. 

"Touka, you were right. I was being selfish. I just thought everybody would be safer if I left and bettered myself, the thought of you or anybody else here being taken and going through what I had to with Aogiri... It makes me lose sleep at night. I'm.. I'm sorry Touka, I never intended to abandon you guys... but I have to know"

He drew a deep breath 

"Did you mean what you said on the bridge?......" 

Touka looked to the ground feeling ashamed. She still believed he made the wrong choice, but didn't intend to put him through this, he had been through enough. 

"N-no Kaneki, I was just mad at you for leaving" 

"Why?" 

Touka exploded. 

"Because it wasn't your responsibility! Like I told you already, you don't owe us a damn thing! We can all work together to protect each other. We're not weak Kaneki and neither are you. Stop feeling responsible for every little thing that goes wrong here. With Hinami when her mother was killed, YOU protected her. You and her would have been killed too otherwise and guess what? I probably would have been too if I was there. When that sick bastard Yamori took you it had nothing to do with the rest of us he's just a sick asshole who took pleasure in torturing those weaker than himself. You were innocent; you didn't do anything wrong it just so happened to be you and you were too strong to stay down" 

Her voice was starting to crack.

"But Touka, your brother was there, when he attacked and he came after you" 

"You idiot, that's between me and Ayato it had nothing to do with you..." She teared up, but it was too dark for Kaneki to see her eyes clearly enough to tell. 

"I'm sorry Touka" 

"You should be" Kaneki wasn't used to seeing her so vulnerable. She was usually so strong mentally. Seeing her like this, he wanted nothing more at that moment than to make her pain go away. Touka decided to stop dodging what's been worrying her. 

"Kaneki I WANT you to stay, it's... it's not the same without you. We all miss you. I miss you. Please.. please don't leave..." She covered her face with her hands eternally embarrassed by what she just spoke. It was so unlike her. 

"Touka, I just" 

"If you want to leave go, but don't ever come back because I'm sick of dealing with this" She tried to run for the door, but Kaneki grabbed her hand. 

"I.. I'll stay" 

"R-Really?" She sniffed as her face lit up, but still looked suspicious. Despite her tough nature, she was too cute for her own good . 

"Yeah, I've missed you too" He turned beet red. 

"I missed you all I mean haha you're like family" 

She cocked her head evaluating his statement. "Yeah hehe family..." Her voice died out as she looked away.

It was Kaneki's turn to ponder her response. He didn't think anything of it. 

"Well I should go see Hinami" 

"Yeah she never stopped crying since your funeral" 

"I had a funeral?" 

"Yeah, we all thought you were dead Kaneki" 

Now he felt really bad. 

"Is that so.." 

"Hey, I'll come see her with you"

Together they entered the hall. Touka walked in front as they went up the stairs.

"Could I tell her I have feelings for her or does she see me as family" He thought. "What if I do tell her and she doesn't like me that way, not only would I die but I could never look at her again or hang or work together without it being awkward. Our friendship would be destroyed." 

He frowned. "Even if she did, what if my actions as "The Eyepatch" put her in danger... I could never do that too her" Kaneki sighed.

"Something wrong?" Touka asked with concern in her voice. 

"No I'm OK haha" He offered a smile as he rubbed his chin. 

"He's lying, but I don't want to say anything" She turned away,  but turned back immediately. 

"If there's something wrong, you can tell me. I won't bite" 

"It's nothing" 

"You sure?" 

"Yeah" She turned away again and they continued up the stairs. 

"Why won't he open up tome? Does he not trust me?........ Maybe I should tell him how I feel? No I can't do that I don't want to scare him away. Back in the day when he came into the shop, it was Rize he was interested in not me, she was pretty and into books, his kind of girl. Not that I cared at the time, but still he never showed any feelings for me even when the manager took him in beyond what could be called "family" love. And I was always overly mean to him..." She made herself annoyed and jealous with her thoughts 

"What happened to me? Is this what love feels like? I feel like i'm turning into that "simple minded woman" Four eyes thinks I am... It's so annoying.  Fuck you Kaneki" She couldn't help but grin as she continued up the stairs. 

Kaneki, on the other hand, followed with a more bothered expression. They had reached Hinami's room.