Change of Plans

39|Ryan Rogers

Friday, May 5th

Aidan and I have come to some unspoken terms since the breakup.

After Aidan tried talking to me at the beginning of this week, he's left me alone, no other communication attempts have been made yet.

On days that we have English, he sits in the back of the class, far from me. He doesn't eat lunch with us either. Cam said he usually goes home or somewhere outside to eat.

Cam still sits with us though because he obviously has a major thing for Jenna which they still haven't addressed. He's too whipped to leave Jenna for Aidan.

I almost feel bad that Aidan eats lunch alone, if I hadn't of broken up with him, he would still sit with us. He was the one who kissed another girl, but regardless I still feel bad about it.

He hurt me so much when he kissed Makayla, but I've realized that that doesn't make all of my feelings for him magically disappear. I think that's the worst part, that after what he did to me, a part of me still feels something for him. I haven't even forgiven him completely and yet, he still awes me.

It's pathetic really.

I've come to accept the ache in my heart that comes from thinking about him or seeing him, it's not going to leave anytime soon so I might as well embrace it.

At times it seems to become unbearable, that's why I try to keep my distance.

It's not as easy as it sounds.

During class it's hard not to look over at him, like right now, for example.

We're sitting in English, the teacher lecturing about something I've already done the homework for. I sigh, tuning her out. It's useless to listen about it when I already know the information like the back of my hand. I sigh once more and fiddle with my pencil in my fingers.

Look at him.

No stop, pay attention, twiddle your thumbs, fake a heart attack, anything.

Look at him.

The nagging voice of my annoying subconscious comes again and I bite my lip slightly before barely looking over my left shoulder to take a glance at Aidan. His elbows rest on the desk and his head is hanging down, his hair flopping down in a messy manner as it has become a little longer these last couple of weeks. His hands are interlocked and he twiddles them, obviously not caring much about what the teacher is saying either.

He sighs and I look back down in front of me, turning away from him. The ache returns and I curse myself for looking his way.

Stop. He cheated on you.

That beautiful boy, capable of so much damage, cheated on you. My stomach twists into a knot and my eyes glass over. I sniff and blink away any tears that could have spilt.

Not here.

I glance over my other shoulder to the clock and see that the class is out in five minutes. Thank goodness. I can't handle this anymore.

"You guys won't have a final in this class as your final grade will be your book presentations. I'll see you all next class when we start those. For now, just sit tight in your seats until the bell rings and have a good weekend." Our teacher dismisses us then walks back to her desk. I feel my stomach rumble a little. Wow, lunch couldn't come any sooner, I'm starving. I had to skip breakfast this morning because I was running a little late.

I only have to deal with this for two more weeks and then I'm free. I head off to New York and it's bye bye to Oregon, to high school, and this god forsaken breakup. I'll just stress about a different kind of school this time...