The List

Chapter Thirty Five

I stand in Liam's room, as he and Nathan get ready to go out to some bar. The last couple days they've been trying to convince me to leave the house, to do something besides wait around on Carrigan to hop off her high horse. I just shook my head and laughed. They don't understand why I'm fighting for her this hard, when she's not giving back, but they also didn't see how she looked at me outside that church yesterday. There's love deep down in there, somewhere.

Now it's Wednesday, and they're still trying to talk me into going out.

"Just come out for an hour, Rhett." Liam begs. "She's sleeping now, and she'll be out all night."

I shake my head. I know for a fact she isn't asleep right now. She'll lie in her bed, pretending, just to avoid the questions from her mom and her brother. I can't blame her, though. They constantly ask how she's feeling, is she needs anything, what hurts, and I can see the annoyance in her eyes. After church yesterday, she went back to avoiding me. By night time, I slipped into her bedroom, hoping we could talk about my confession from the night before, but she didn't want to talk. We just lay in her bed in silence. Even with the silence we both were able to drift off into a peaceful sleep. I woke up this morning with her head on my chest, hand gripping onto my shirt.

"I'm good." I tell Liam. "I'd rather stay here."

He shrugs his shoulders, but the look on his face says he's happy I'm here to take care of her.

"She's tired from radiation today." He says. "So she probably won't get up."

"What happens with her radiation?" I question. "She won't explain it to me."

Nathan just laughs. "That's because she doesn't want you to worry."

"They're using gamma waves to destroy the cancer in her blood cells." Liam starts. "She gets really embarrassed about the side effects."

"What are they?"

"When I saw her earlier, her skin was already red from today. She hasn't thrown up yet, so that's a good sign, but she still could. She's so fucking exhausted all the time; I don't even recognize her anymore."

Liam sits down on the bed, and for the first time I'm seeing just how hard this disease effects him too. His chest is moving rapidly, as if he's trying not to break down. Has he ever?

"Is that why you're going out all the time?" I question. "To try not to think about your sister's pain."

"Does that make me selfish?" He questions, removing his head from his hands. "She's miserable, and I get to go out drinking."

I shake my head. "We all grieve differently."

I know that better than anybody. I threw myself into alcohol and girls for a long time, then it just became girls. Grief doesn't take pity on the broken.

"What made you come here?" Liam questions. "What made you say she's worth fighting for?"

I sigh and lower my eyes. "Honestly, when I started sleeping with my ex the day after I got home."

"You what?" Liam asks, in shock.

"I met up with my ex back home for drinks, and she tried getting me to sleep with her. I started to, but then I thought of your sister and ran out of her apartment."