The List

Chapter Thirty

My plane lands at the LAX airport some time after four. I wait for the crowd of people to pass before I even attempt to leave the plane. It's the first day of Christmas break, and I've made my way home. Carrigan's gone home to Oklahoma to finish treatment, with Liam and Nathan following. There's no way I was spending the next month alone in that apartment, haunted by the memories of us together.

As I stand at baggage claim, I see my dad standing by the exit. For the first time in what feels like days, I finally smile. He wraps me in a hug and holds on tightly. It's been almost a year since I've seen him or Tommy, so I savor this moment. He takes my suitcase from my hands and leads me out towards his car.

The cool California air hits me, and it's in that second that I feel myself begin to relax. I smile as we get into the jeep, and enjoy the wind hitting my face as we pull onto the highway. As much as I love Texas, I've longed to be home again, in a place I am familiar with.

"Where's Tommy?" I question.

"Soccer practice." Dad says. "I wanted to surprise him."

"Soccer?" I ask, surprised. "What happened to track?"

"His coach recommended he try out for the soccer team." Dad states. "He's fast, and they needed a new midfielder. He's doing incredibly well."

It's been weeks since I've called home, aside from two days ago when I told dad I was coming home for Christmas, so I guess it's my fault I missed out on this great news. Tommy has the gift of being great at any sport he tries. He's a natural athletic with speed, stamina, and strength; all things scouts will be looking for in a few years. It doesn't surprise me at all to hear he's kicking ass at soccer.

Dad takes the long way towards the high school. I watch the scenery pass us, remembering the life I tried to leave behind. Now I guess you could say I am doing the same thing with Lubbock; running from the memories that haunt me. We sit in silence for most of the drive, until we make it a couple blocks from the school. Sitting at a red light, he turns to face me.

"Who's the girl?" Dad questions.

"What girl?" I ask, silently cursing him for making me think of her.

"The one you're running from."

I turn to face my dad, his eyes are already set one me. "You have that look you had in your eyes when your mom died, and you broke up with that girl, Savannah."

I roll my eyes and lean back in the seat, wishing I wasn't that transparent. The light turns green and we start moving.

"You need to stop being afraid to get close to someone again." He continues. "I don't want you to spend the rest of your life alone, like I am doing."

There's a sadness in his tone, one that makes me want to swallow my pride and break down to him. We don't have conversations like this, it's always just a quick conversation to see what's new. If only he knew that being afraid to get close wasn't the problem. I could easily spend the rest of my life with Carrigan. I let myself get close to her. I let myself fall in love with her. The problem is, she's dying and I can't watch another person close to me go through this. It destroyed me with my mom, knowing it could be Carrigan takes all the breath from my lungs and rips my heart from my chest.

Thankfully, the conversation ends there, as we pull into the parking lot. I climb out of the car as Tommy exits the locker room. After a year away, it's easy to see how much he has grown. Just a couple inches shorter than me, and all muscle, he'll soon beat my six foot stature. He looks up from the ground and his bright blue eyes light up. A smile stretches across his face as he runs to greet me. He nearly tackles me to the ground, the second his arms are around my waist.