The List

Chapter Thirty Eight

She hasn't moved once, not from the moment her body went limp in my arms as we danced in the cold, rain. Her mom has been screaming at me since we left their house that this is my fault. She doesn't have to tell me, I'm already kicking myself for this.

Once the doctors have Carrigan stabilized, I refuse to leave her side. I just got to hear her say those words; it can't possibly be her time now. Her heart beats in rhythm as her chest rises and falls. The gray walls of the hospital surround me, as her family comes and goes. My eyes grow heavy as the hours slowly pass. Her mom tries and fails to get me to leave, but I can't. Selfishly, I want to be the first thing she sees when those beautiful eyes open. I want to hear those words again. After twelve hours, Liam and I stand alone in her room, the only sound is that of the her slow heartbeat. Liam sighs a shaky breath, before walking out of the room. When their mom walks in, I hesitantly get up and follow him out.

"You alright?" I ask, placing my hand against his shoulder.

He nods his head and wipes his eyes.  "I just wish they could give us some answers."

I half laugh, knowing that's what any of us would wish for now.

"She was getting better." He sighs. "Her doctor said she had a fighting chance."

His fist collides with the wall, and I have to pull him around the corner before a nurse tries to kick him out. He falls to the ground, sobbing. In the three years that I have know him, I have never once seen him cry. Since I met his sister, he's seen it from me more than I care to admit. He didn't even show emotion after he and Grace broke up.

"She was having a rough time the last few days." I confess. "She'd thrown up a few times and had a serious nosebleed."

Liam turns his attention back to me. "She didn't say anything about that."

"Are you surprised?" I joke. "Your sister isn't one to let us worry about her."

I sigh against the wall, picturing the last moment I had with her. "She loves me."

"She what?" Liam asks, half laughing.

I smile, feeling the anxiety take over. "She told me she loved me, and then she collapsed. Fuck, I can't lose her yet."

I bury my head in my hands, ignoring how completely selfish I sound, knowing that Liam is probably thinking the exact same thing. A girl so loved by the both of us, but a million miles away. Nathan comes around the corner, telling us we need to get into Carrigan's room fast.

I say a silent prayer, as we run around the corner, that she's awake and asking for us. However, when I round the corner and see their mom sobbing into Nathan's arms I know that's not what I'm going to see.

"What's going on?" Liam questions.

Her doctor turns and stares at us. "Her kidneys are failing. We have to find the right match, or she won't survive."

"Is she going to wake up?" He asks. "Will she be able to wake up?"

He lowers his eyes. "It all depends on how strong she is. I want to believe she's strong enough for that, but I don't know if she will. We're going to test her bone marrow now, and see if we can find the problem."

"When can we see her?" I ask, feeling anxious.

"Well have her back from testing in an hour." He states. "In the meantime, go sit down and try to relax as best you can."