The List

Chapter Twenty Seven

My arms reach out to feel the warmth of her body against mine, but my search comes up empty. I slowly sit up, still feeling the exhaustion taking over, and I find myself alone in bed. After last night, I had hoped Carrigan would have changed her mind. We fell asleep in each other's arms, but she pulled a page out of my book and vanished without so much as saying goodbye. I crawl out of bed, slip on a pair of sweatpants, and walk into the kitchen hoping to find she's still here. Instead, I find Liam sitting in front of his laptop. Realizing she's gone I start the coffee maker, trying to ignore the sting of this unfamiliar pain. I've never known a love like this; I've never wanted it. After that first kiss on the beach, it's all been a whirlwind of emotions coursing through me. I wanted to be around her any chance I could get, wanted to lose myself in every kiss, and feel the warmth of her body against mine every minute of the day.

"She's gone." Liam says, breaking me from my thoughts of her touch.

"I know." I say, keeping my eyes on the coffeemaker in front of me, wondering how he knew that's who I was looking for.

I glance in his direction and see him with his head in his hands.

"Studying for finals?"

He nods his head and I face the boiling water in front of me.

"How long have you been sleeping with my sister?" He questions. His tone tells me this isn't the time to even try to lie; he already knows.

I'm thankful he can't see my face, otherwise he'd see my falling composure.

"I heard something last night and came to see if you heard it." He states, his voice remaining calm and cool.  "Then, much to my surprise, I see my sister, naked, in your bed."

I turn around and stare at my best friend, unsure of what I can say. He doesn't show a trace of anger on his face; he knows but he's waiting for me to confirm it myself. How do I tell him I've slept been sleeping with her every chance we had, for the last two weeks?

"Do you love her?" He questions, when I don't answer him.

I sigh and lower my head, my hands gripping the sides of the counter. Nathan was the first person I could admit it to, last night, and she heard me. But now she's gone.

"Liam." I sigh. "I'm sorry."

He stands from the table, slamming the textbook beside him shut. "I don't want a fucking apology, Rhett. I told you to stay away from her."

"I never planned on sleeping with her, or falling in love with her!" I admit. "Both just happened and I couldn't stop them."

"Couldn't or didn't want to?" He questions, his fists balling up at his sides.

"You don't want to know the answer to that." I admit, honestly. "I love her, Liam. Isn't that enough?"

He shakes his head. "Fuck no. She still needs to stay away from you."

"What's so bad about me, that she needs to stay away?" I question, raising my voice at him.

"It's her, not you!" He shouts at me. "She's selfish, and always has been. She's never going to love you."

"How do you know that?" I scoff at him.

"Did she tell you last night? Did she say those words to you?"

My eyes glance down at the counter in front of me. She didn't, and I knew she wouldn't even after what we did. There was something in her eyes that told me what Liam is saying right now; something I still don't want to believe.

"I just don't understand what's going on with her." I say. "She won't tell me, and you know that too. What's going on with her that is so bad?"

"I'm waiting for her to tell you." He says. "She hasn't always been this way, though. Life happened to her and forced her to grow up a lot faster than she should've. She's breaking inside, and when she finally cracks she'll be able to own up to everything she feels for you."