The List

Chapter Forty

Rhett takes my hand one last time, before we are to be wheeled into different operating rooms. He smiles at me, reassuring me that everything will be okay. He can try all he wants, but my heart feels as if it's going to beat right out of my chest. This transplant is dangerous. It's risking every dream he has for the slight chance it doesn't even save me.

"I love you." I remind him, my mind telling me this could be the last time I get the chance to say it to him.

He smiles again. "I love you, Carrigan. Now relax; I'll see you in a few hours."

I nod my head, smiling sadly, as I say a silent prayer that, that'll be true. I'm left alone in my room, as they spend what feels like days extracting stem cells from Rhett's spine. Doc told me that this transplant could be the very thing that helps send me into remission. Because I got better, four years ago, they never thought to check and make sure my blood cells were healthy after chemo; that's what caused it to come back. Thanks to radiation, my lymph nodes have reduced in swelling, now all we can hope for is my kidneys to improve after the transplant.

Outside the window, I can see mom talking to my doctor; he looks serious. Mom just nods her head and walks away quickly. Moments later, he enters with his team and a large cart full of equipment.

"Where's Rhett?" I question.

"In recovery." A nurse states. "He's in a great deal of pain now."

"Is he going to be okay?"

No one answers me, so my anxiety heightens. I need answers. I need to know he's okay.

"Ms James, he will be fine." Doc sighs. "We will discuss everything once you wake up, but we need to begin."

I can only nod my head, fearful that if I speak it will only become heavy sobs. My greatest fear could be coming true, but I promised Rhett no matter what I'd finish the transplant. He did this for me, without fear. Now it's my turn to be brave.

The anesthesia kicks in, just as I remind myself Rhett is okay and waiting in my room for me. The needle breaks my skin, just as I go under. There's enough medication that I don't feel a thing, and I'm able to drift off. My dreams are filled with a bright future, as long as Rhett is beside me.

My eyes open slowly sometime later. There's a bright light that fills the room. Voices surround me, but quickly silence each other. Mom sits beside the bed, folding my hand. Nathan and Liam stand on the other side. Rhett is still missing.

"What happened?" I ask, groggily.

"The transplant was a success." Mom sighs happily, though worry fills her eyes.

"Where's Rhett?" My eyes wander around the room, desperate for an answer. "Lee?"

Liam sighs heavily. "He's not doing okay right now. They have him in another room."

"What?" I ask, feeling the tears well up. "What do you mean?"

"The pain is a lot for him." Mom says. "He was put on a sedative to help ward off that pain."

"But he's okay?"

Nathan tries to offer me a smile. "As long as he wakes up he will be."

Wakes up? Rhett has to wake up just for me to find out if he'll be okay or not. I shake my head furiously as the tears pour hot and fast down my cheeks. This can't be happening right now. It has to be some sort of sick joke that Rhett came up with. He's going to pop up from behind the door and and scare me. However, the sad looks on their faces tells me otherwise.

"What about his spine?" I question. "I read about paralysis being a risk factor. Did something happen with his spine?"

"No thank god." Liam sighs, sitting on the bed beside me. "He collapsed while you were under, from the pain. They gave him the sedative to avoid any further complications."