The List

Chapter Twenty

I opt out of going to class, after our late breakfast, and go back to my dorm just to catch up on homework I've been avoiding to do. With all of the activity going on for the party, I haven't been keeping up with a all my other work. Not even fifteen minutes into working on my Chemistry assignment, there's a banging on my door.

Hesitantly, I get up from my desk and open the door. Liam stands before me, fuming.

"Hey, Lee." I greet. "What's going on?"

He pushes past me, and paces around my dorm room. With the way he looks, I'm afraid Rhett may have slipped up and told him what happened between us last night.

It was something I never expected to happen. Just like everything that's gone on between us, it's wasn't planned. Neither of us could have thought that we'd share a kiss, and share that special, intimate, moment last night. Never in my wildest dreams, could I have imagined that Rhett and I would share the connection that we do. It's more than just a chemistry between us; it's a feeling of stillness, fulfillment, and the pain of the thought that I'll have to spend days without him.

I sigh and look to the floor. "I'm sorry, Liam. I didn't want to hurt you."

"Hurt me?" He scoffs. "What about everyone else you're hurting?"

I narrow my eyes, feeling confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Mom just called me. And bitched me out." He spits out. "She said she got a call from your doctor this morning."

Oh god.

"How selfish can you be, Carrigan?" He sighs.

When Liam calls me by my real name, I know he's serious. He still knows nothing about me and Rhett, but has found out more about my doctor's appointment than I wanted him to know.

"Liam, let me explain." I say, trying to calm him down.

"Explain what?" He screams at me. "How selfish you are? How you're just going to ignore what's going on with you? How can you explain this?"

Tears fill his eyes. My big brother, the strongest person I know, is crumbling and failing to hold himself together. He never shows pain, or heartbreak; he moves on and accepts what is. When it comes to me, however, that's a heartbreak he can't get over.

"Do you even care about the people you're hurting, if you don't go see this doctor again?"

I can't bring myself to answer him. A sob escapes from my throat as Liam punches the wall beside him.

"Think about mom. I know you'll say she doesn't care, but you know damn well that's a lie. Think about dad, and Nathan, and me. Think about Rhett." Tears spill from his own eyes, and his voice breaks with each name he says.

"Liam, I can't do it again." I say, softly, fearing that my voice will show just how weak I feel. "I can't do the surgeries, the medicine, the treatment. I cant do it anymore."

"Even if it means you get to be here, with us, longer?" Liam's hands shake at his sides.

I want to hug him, and hold him until he's not breaking at the core anymore, but I can't bring myself to do it. I know the second I get into his arms, I'll do what he's trying so hard to convince me to do.

"The last doctor said five years, and it wouldn't come back." I sob. "I made it four years, Liam. Four."

Liam grabs my hands in his, and squeezes tightly. "Then we fight it, and you get to those five."

I shake my head ferociously. "No, Liam. I don't want to."

"Does Rhett know?" Liam questions.

I shake my head again. "No, and he can't find out."