Dark Paradise (Camren)

Decisions (49)

POV Camila Cabello

The future is built on our decisions, it is our greatest power. Throughout life, every day and every hour, we make plans, and only our decisions will make them come true; one wrong choice, and all the plans, your whole future will go down the drain. My decision had already been made, now here I was, driving, trying to empty my mind. A very unexpected fog covered the road, a good number of cars were already circulating.

Sneaky tears streamed down my face throughout the whole drive to my apartment, and even crying, the sore knot still lingered in my throat. With my mind a thousand miles away, I didn't even know how I was able to get home, it was as if my body was on autopilot mode, and so it remained.

I walked in, closing the door without even bothering to lock it, and went straight to my bathroom. As much as I had showered a few hours ago, I still felt dirty. Maybe I wanted to wash something that wouldn't be washed so easily. I took each piece of clothing off my body, and even after getting rid of the clothes, her scent was still on me.

I rubbed my skin with the sponge until it turned red and sensitive to the touch. Tears mingled with the water, and during it all, my mind remained a thousand miles away, empty. I was surprised that I didn't care, for the first time I was happy I couldn't think about solutions to things, it may be that this had no solution, what was done was already done.

Upon leaving the bathroom, I didn't bother to change, just put on my silk robe and let my body sink into the soft mattress, and that's how I remained. For how long? I don't know... It was like I was in a catatonic state.

I have been through many things throughout my life and my career, and nothing made me feel like this, so... empty. My soul, my thoughts, my movements, and especially my feelings had been stolen from the moment I fired the gun...

*Flashback On*

I walked slowly through the warehouse, getting a little closer to Lauren, and then lifted my gun and cocked it. My hands were shaking, everything in me was shaking, my heart was beating so hard that I thought it would jump out of my chest at any second now.

"LAUREN!" I shouted at the brunette who turned to me, kneeling.

The brunette stared at me, and in her eyes I saw her end, Lauren had already accepted her fate. I closed my eyes, letting a few tears fall. The gun pointed at Lauren had the weight of the world. I took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

And then I closed my eyes and fired the gun. In that exact moment, all the memories from when our eyes met for the first time, from our first kisses, to even when we made love, flashed before my eyes like a projector in my mind. I expected the worst, I expected the sound of the gunpowder burning, I expected the jolt that the pressure made the gun do, I was quite sure that even with trembling hands, the aim was accurate and fatal, but I was wrong... I got out of that bathroom with the certainty of what I was going to do, I had made my decision, but now reality fell over me, and I realized the madness I had just done.

I shot her, I shot the one who gave me the best moments of my life, the one who showed me the true meaning of love, who showed me that only I can choose my destiny, not my mother or my father or anyone... Lauren taught me to live and to love intensely.

The weight fell on me, everything became heavier, from the gun in my trembling hand, to the tears that started falling compulsively, to even Lauren's arms that wrapped around my body, which was in a real state of shock.

"Lau-Lauren..." I whispered, my voice choking due to crying. "I... I..."

"Shhh... Cal-Calm down... It-It's o-okay..." She silenced me and hugged me tighter.