Roommates & Soulmates

Ch34: Jace's Hope

Jace walked away from Clary with a heavy heart. He wanted to cry, but he also wanted to be Simon for the sole reason that Simon had Clary. Jace had never before envied someone so much in his life. Simon and Clary were currently alone in Clary's dorm room and that image was stuck in his mind on repeat. Why was it Jace could never shake the hope that one day she might be his? Hope. Unfounded hope had literally turned his life upside down. He knew now that he'd always had hope, even when he'd told himself to get over her. Even when he'd decided he just wanted her to believe that he could be better and wanted her for the person she was, not a conquest; he'd always had hope. He knew that now.

But his hope was useless. It had been September, during the first week of school, that Clary had first looked at him in class. By October, Sebastian had noticed Jace's fixation and called him out on it. Toward the end of November, he'd tried to tell Clary how he felt, but she hadn't believed him. Now it was January, and Jace was starting to feel like he was doomed to always want her, yet never have her. He didn't want to be alone, but Sebastian was gone; Alec was undoubtedly still with Magnus and Clary was with Simon. There was no one for Jace.

Jace allowed himself to wallow as he continued his slow walk back to his, likely empty, dorm room. It had been a long and painful five months of university and Jace was feeling the full weight it at the moment. He was also having a hard time believing so much could happen in such a short space of time. Everything from his lifestyle to his values had been turned on its head. So, what did he have to show for his emotional anguish anyway? Minus one best friend and minus one Clary. Jace didn't have a word to define Clary with and he wasn't sure he ever would. She was both nothing and everything to him. He had no claim on her, no way to define her that felt right and yet, she was all he had. But that wasn't right, Jace thought, as a pair of beautiful dark skinned lips flitted across his mind. Trinity had been a friend to him after all. She was the one who suggested a sleep clinic for his snoring. Jace didn't want to be alone and maybe he didn't have to be. Quickly pulling out his phone, Jace typed.

'Hey,' Jace texted. 'You busy tonight?'

'Didn't get the girl I take it?" came Trinity's quick reply.

'No,' Jace texted back.

'I am just headed home,' she said. 'Meet at your place?'

'Sure,' Jace replied. She sent him her eta just as Jace reached his dorm. He was in no way surprised to find it devoid of Alec's presence. In fact, his assumption that Alec wouldn't be home was why he'd agreed to meet Trinity here. Alec was basically living at Magnus's these days and Jace found himself jealous of Alec -- though he was still more jealous of Simon -- because Alec was now with the person he'd pined for.

Had Jace pined for Clary? He wondered as he sat down at his desk and tried to distract himself with his computer. Maybe this was for the best. He didn't know the first thing about being in a relationship, so even if he was able to call Clary his, he would likely lose her to his own foolishness. Though Jace had hoped that with Clary things would be different. He'd always thought that even in a relationship he wouldn't be able to stop looking at other women, but since Clary had caught his eye, all other women had seemed dull in comparison. Yes, with Clary, Jace thought for once he could be loyal. An overwhelming sense of loss took hold of him. Why was he doing this to himself? Why was he thinking about this? Jace closed his computer since it had failed one hundred and ten percent to do its job as a distraction.

Jace heard a knock on the door and was glad. It was being alone that was making him crazy. He opened the door and there was Trinity. Her dark hair in braids and a smile on her face.

"Hey," she said as she walked in. Jace tried to return the greeting, but he broke down mid-way, sobbing like the pathetic person he was.

"Oh, Jace," Trinity said, surprise and concern in her voice. She took a step closer to him and wrapped her arms around him. Jace had needed the hug, but he got a grip on himself quickly and pulled away.