Roommates & Soulmates

Ch41: Magnus's Fretting

Nurseman Jace continued to bring Clary snacks and hot beverages while the two of them curled up on the couch to watch a movie. Clary must not have been too invested in the movie, however, as she let Jace choose something with lots of explosions and little plot.

Magnus puttered around the house trying not to be jealous of the easy way they interacted. He missed that... with Alexander. Magnus knew it was all due to his own insecurities that he had lost that easy interaction, but he couldn't help it. So many things already separated them. Alec's pale complexion against Magnus's caramel skin. Alec's inexperience against all of Magnus's old heartbreaks. Alec's being a freshman while Magnus would graduate next year. Now to learn they were held apart by this as well. And it wasn't just the money, it was what the money meant. Magnus couldn't help but wonder how Alec had grown up. Magnus had worked two jobs for a year after high school and then worked every summer since to be able to pay for school and rent. His Aunt didn't have that kind of money and Magnus didn't have the faintest clue what living with wealth was like. How did the 1% live? It felt like there was this big piece of Alec that Magnus couldn't understand. There was so much about Alexander that Magnus didn't know. Through friendship and now dating, Magnus had never learned anything about Alec's family. And Alec hadn't even wanted to tell Magnus. It had been an accident. Would Alec have ever told Magnus if he'd had a choice?

Magnus sighed. With so many heartbreaks behind him, he was starting to wonder if maybe he just wasn't capable of making a relationship work, regardless of who he was with. Could Magnus really hope that he and Alec had a chance in the long term with so little in common? Would this all end in heartbreak like it had before? He'd tried to fight opening up to someone again, but he'd lost and run right into Alec's arms.

Which lead his troubled mind right back to the other thing Alec had said. Magnus still wasn't sure what to make of it. Had Alec really meant he loved Magnus? The way Alec had said it, had been going round and round in Magnus's mind. And did Alec even know enough to know if he was in love? Alec didn't have any exes, at least any real ones. He'd only come out of the closet toward the end of high school and straight to college after that. What if Alec only thought he cared deeply for Magnus, but was actually just seeing through rose tinted glasses? When the glass shattered, and Alec saw Magnus clearly, would Alec still think he was in love? And would that be enough to keep Alec from leaving him? If this all ended in heartbreak tomorrow, was the joy at the beginning worth the heartbreak after?

Magnus shook his head vigorously. He knew he needed to stop thinking like this, but no matter how he tried, his mind kept coming back to it. He knew the solution was to talk to Alexander, but the idea scared the hell out of him. Thinking something would end and seeing it end were two very different things. Alec was so far out of his league... how could Magnus believe he could hold the love of someone like that? Someone who could so obviously do better?

Giving up on his homework, Magnus flopped into a chair next to the love seat currently occupied by Clace. It was a rather strange word Magnus had to admit, but when Clary had started calling him and Alec 'Malec,' he'd needed a come back.

"That looks like sulking," Clary accused him.

"I know," Magnus replied without looking away from the TV. There was a rather impressive explosion going on and Magnus was trying to focus on that and nothing else... with little, well, actually no success. The same thoughts circled around in his head, making all his worries worse.

Magnus didn't notice Clary get out her phone and begin to type.

It turned out the impressive explosion was in fact a helicopter blowing up. Moving away from the destruction in slow motion, was a well-muscled guy on motorbike. Magnus decided he hated Jace's taste in movies. He knew Jace was not watching for the hot guys so Magnus had to presume he liked the plot, or lack of plot. The only value Magnus found in this particular scene was the eye candy.