She's Not Afraid

"I Don't Want To Be Saved"

Sofia stood quietly, everyone in the room staring at her. Danny and Daisy had sat down on the couch. Emily still stood by Danielle, who was feeding David. Eleanor standing in the middle of the room. They were all staring at her, Sofia glanced at the door of her brother's office as it closed.

"You look like you haven't eaten in months –" Danielle said, her voice cracked as she spoke. Sofia didn't say anything.

"Sof –" Eleanor began to say, but Sofia didn't wait to hear the rest. She turned her back, running towards the kitchen.

"SOFIA DON'T!" she heard Danny yell, and footsteps coming after her. Suddenly arms were around her, but Sofia turned, elbowing him twice in the face, Danny holding his bleeding nose cursing at her, Sofia took off again.

"What the hell is going on?" she heard, as she opened the back door the kitchen, "BLOODY HELL!"

Sofia didn't wait as she sprinted across the back porch, jumping down, and broke into a run towards the road. She could hear them behind her, as she tried to push herself faster.

"Stop! Sofia stop!" she heard Liam shout

"Where are you going to go?!" Niall yelled, Sofia ignored them as she finally reached the street. She turned to run down it, hoping to catch a car or to find any kind of life, but someone tackled her.

Turning to try and fight whoever was on top of her, Sofia's breath caught as she noticed it was Zayn, his eyes blazing with anger. Sofia tried to throw a punch, but he caught her wrist, and pinned both her hands above her head.

"Really?" he spat, "That's all you got?"

"Get the fuck off of me!" Sofia yelled, "Or I'll scream bloody murder.."

"Go ahead," Zayn hissed, "Scream, in fact, I'll even help you out and give you a reason to scream. Who's going to fucking hear you?!"

He dragged her up by her arms, Sofia fighting him the entire way up. They both turned to see Harry, Liam, Louis, and Niall coming towards them.

"You fucking bitch," Liam hissed, slapping her hard, Sofia hissed, but didn't say anything else, "You think you're going to get away that easily?"

"Is that all you got Liam?" Sofia hissed at him, "I have people who will be looking for me, just let me go... before it's too late..."

"Who the fuck do you think your threatening?" a voice growled, Liam stepped aside and Sofia realized that it was Harry who had spoken, "You think you're threatening us?" Harry growled, as he got closer to her face, "You know better then that, Sofia. You think were scared of whatever friends you made? No, you know we aren't." He grabbed her, pulling her out Zayns arms, and towards him. Sofia tried to push herself away, but he was too strong.

"You don't get to threaten us," he hissed, glaring down at her, "But let me tell you something, you try and run again and I swear to God I'll make you regret it, you won't even be able to walk. How's that for a threat, fiancé?" he spat out at her, pulling her back towards the house as the others followed.


***


Sofia struggled against Harry as they all stumbled back into Liam's office. She tried to elbow her way out of his arms, but he just held her tighter.

"Stop, Sofia stop!" he hissed in her ears, "Stop struggling!" Sofia refused, putting even more effort into trying to escape his arms, as Liam sat at his desk.

"Sofia, babe, stop it," Harry growled, his voice breaking a bit, as he moved his arms from hers and moved them around her waist, holding her tightly, her hands still wrapped in his. Sofia stopped struggling, her energy giving out, and how weak she was and collapsed against him, staring at her brother who was sitting at his desk, staring at her. She expected Harry to let go, but he stood behind her, holding her waist tight.

"I got you," he whispered into her ear, making her feel sick. She forced herself to her herself forward and out of his arms, glancing behind her as she did. He didn't say anything, but his eyes flashed with hurt, before his jaw locked, and he stood still, arms crossed, right behind her.

As Liam stared at his sister, all the anger he had felt for her disappeared and was replaced with concern. He had never seen her look so unhealthy, and he had never seen her look so small and weak. He glanced at Zayn, who also seemed to be staring at Sofia as though he couldn't believe what he saw. It was the first time they were really getting a good look at her, and they couldn't believe what they say. Niall was staring out the window, not quite ready to face the reality and Louis stood by the door – just in case Sofia tried to run again.

"How much do you weigh?" Liam finally spoke, breaking the silence, his voice laced with concern. Sofia glanced up at him surprised; it was the last thing she expected her brother to ask. Looking at him, she realized he was staring at her, not as a gang leader, but as an older brother – it made everything even worse for her. She didn't say anything, as she took in his face.

"Well?" he demanded, his voice a little harder, but his eyes gave him away.

"I – I don't know," Sofia whispered, stumbling on her words.

"Someone get me a scale," Liam barked, surprising all the boys, who looked at him confused.

"NOW!" he barked, and Niall stood up from the room, going to find him a scale. The room was quiet while Niall was gone, Sofia just staring at her feet, unable to face them. When Niall returned, Liam jumped from his seat, grabbing the scale and walked towards his sister. Suddenly on the ground that Sofia stared at, a scale appeared.

"Get on it," Liam growled

"This is stupid –" Sofia hissed, "This isn't even important."

"GET ON THE SCALE!" Liam yelled at her, his eyes hard again. She jumped in surprise, but stepped onto the scale. She didn't look at the numbers, but she looked at the bookshelves in the office, pretending as though she were bored. Liam pushed her off, picking up the scale, and placing it on his desk.

"Fucking 98 pounds," Liam hissed, Sofia could hear the anger and the concern. Sofia was shocked by the number.

"What?" Harry snapped from behind her, "That's impossible. That would mean she lost at least 35 pounds – in 4 months..."

Sofia stayed silent, he was right. She had weighed 130 pounds when she had left home, and she stood at 5'5. She had known for a while that her weight was unhealthy, but she couldn't bring herself to eat, and when she did eat she felt sick. She always felt sick. The drugs helped – they didn't make her hungry for food, just hungry for the high. That helped. But really, she stopped caring about her weight, and her health. Just like she had stopped caring about everything else.

"I read it correctly, Harry," Liam snapped at him.

"How did this happen?" Harry asked her, still behind her. Sofia still said nothing.

"Answer me!" he barked, grabbing her arm and turning her to face him. His green eyes were wide as he really took a look at her face for the first time. It was thin, and pale. Her skin gaunt, and so dark under her eyes – as though she didn't sleep. Her once plump, pink lips were thin and there was no sign of pink to them. Her eyes weren't shining like the used to, but it was her facial expression that upset him the most. There was no expression. As though emotion wasn't possible for her anymore. She just stared blankly at him – staying silent.

"I would assume it had something to do with the drugs," Liam hissed, Sofia turned back towards him; Liam's eyes were dark with anger again.

"Which leads me to this, what the fuck am I going to do with you?" Liam growled. Sofia's jaw stiffened and she looked at her brother with determination.

"Oh please, Liam," Sofia hissed, "We both know between leaving and the drugs, you only have one choice."

"And what's that?" Liam hissed, stepping up to his sister.

"Kill me," Sofia growled. While Harry made unrecognizable noise from behind her, Liam rolled his eyes.

"It's nice to know that your flare for the dramatics hasn't changed, Sofia," Liam said, "Now sit the fuck down."


***



"You just didn't want to be here anymore?" Liam said, as Sofia sat across from him. He had been questioning her for the last 30 minutes, but he couldn't get anything out of her other then she left because she didn't want to be there, and that she didn't want to come back.

"And the drugs?" Liam asked, "Where do those come into play? Cause I'm pretty sure I would have noticed if you were on drugs before you left. Which leads me to believe that's a little habit you've picked up recently." He kept his voice calm and casual, and though he didn't really care, but Sofia could see the anxiety and concern and anger in his eyes. She stayed quiet, saying nothing.

"I heard Xanax, Percocet, and Coke were all found in your apartment," Liam said, Sofia glanced at Louis.

"Those are pretty expensive street drugs, Sofia," Liam hissed, "Not too mention how addictive they are..."

"What's your point, Liam?" Sofia growled

"His point is that you're a fucking idiot!" Zayn barked, at her, "How are you even affording your habit?" Sofia stayed quiet, ignoring Zayn.

"I don't even care about that," Liam hissed "I just want to know why..."

"I don't have an answer for you," Sofia said. Li

"So, you just wanted to leave and you just wanted to try drugs?" Liam asked, his eyes hard

"Yup," Sofia said, popping her p and cocking her head to the side, knowing that it was just going to make them all angrier.

"I don't believe you..." Zayn hissed

"You don't?" Sofia snapped, "You don't believe that I don't want to be treated like a dog anymore? You don't believe that I wanted freedom and my own life?! I didn't want to depend on anyone and I didn't want anyone depending on me – especially since you all made it clear that you couldn't depend on me! You don't believe that I don't want to fucking deal with you or your mood swings or get hit or get yelled at?! YOU DON'T BELIEVE THAT I DON'T WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE?!" She jumped out of her chair, her heart pounding, and anger pulsing out of her.

"No I don't –" Liam growled, staring at her as she paced.

"I met people my age who were going to Uni, people who were just a few years older me that were making something of themselves. People who didn't have to look over their shoulders, or learn how to use a gun! They're doing something with their lives – I JUST DON'T WANT TO BE HERE!"

"Maybe now you don't!" Niall snapped, it was the first time he had spoken, and it silenced Sofia immediately, "But before you left – you were the happiest you had ever been. "

"Ni –" Sofia choked

"No! It's my turn to talk! You, Emily, and Daisy were inseparable. You and Harry were on top of the world. You couldn't keep your hands off David, and El and you were planning the biggest wedding ever. You were on top of your game, you and Harry weren't fighting – hell; you weren't really fighting with anyone. Until that weekend..."

"He's right. Things were great," Liam said quietly, "Until –"

"I got shot," Harry said. In Sofia's head she could see Harry lying there in his own blood, she could hear her own screams and cries. She could see the hospital and hear everyone yelling at her. Telling her how much she fucked up. How he might not survive. How it was her fault.

Sofia could feel her heart get faster, her breath become shorter. Her head was getting lighter, and she could feel everything coming on.

"Sofia," Harry said softly, "It wasn't your fault – and maybe we should talk about what happened..."

"No!" Sofia screeched, as the room started to spin. She looked at the door, walking towards it, hoping that her heart would slow down.

"Move," she said to Louis, who was standing by the door.

"Are you okay?" he asked, she had suddenly gotten even more pale; he could tell she was having trouble breathing.

"MOVE!" she screeched, pushing him aside. As she walked into the living room, she saw her purse sitting there.

"Sofia, what's wrong?" she heard someone ask, but she was concentrating on the bag. She reached for it, pulling out the bottle.

"NO!" she heard someone yell, suddenly she was being restrained, and someone was pulling the bottle from her hand. It was Harry.

"You're not doing this!" he hissed

"They're prescribed!" she cried out, "Harry, please! It's not drugs!" Harry looked down at the bottle, before handing it back to her. Sofia quickly opened the bottle, taking two out, and swallowing quickly, before collapsing on the couch.

"You're on anxiety medication?" Harry whispered, he was on his knees in front of her looking at her with concern. She felt like she was going to be sick, as she looked away from him.

"You might not want to be here Sof," Liam said, "But it looks like it's exactly where you need to be. I don't know what's going on – but I know you're keeping something from us, and we will find out." Sofia said nothing, as she waited for her heart to stop racing.

"You're on lock down – we clearly have to keep an eye on you," Liam said, "You start back into training tomorrow, and we'll start re-introducing you to work. Danielle, can you go heat her up some food? She needs to eat..." Sofia still stayed quiet; her eyes still dead as she listened to Liam talk.

"Sofia, listen to me," Liam hissed, as he pulled her up from the couch, "You're on lock down – which means, if you screw up you will get the shit beaten out of you. If you bring drugs into this house – you will regret it. If you try and leave you will regret it. Watch your attitude and what you do – because no one will be taking it easy on you. But you are expected to get back in the game – and no matter what you say – I can see it in your eyes you missed it. You can't lie to me, I know you. And one day I'll know what you're hiding too."

"So that's it?" Sofia hissed, "No big punishment? Just a bunch of threats?" Liam shook his head, sighing at his sister.

"Threats that we will absolutely make due on," Liam said harshly.

"Besides Sof," Zayn spat, "We don't have to punish you, by the looks of it, you already punishing yourself."

"Harry, we'll leave you with her..." Liam said, "I'm sure you two have some catching up to do..."


***


"Are you going to say something?" Sofia hissed, as she sat across from Harry, "Or can I go?"

"Watch it," Harry spat out, still staring at her.

"I'm tired," Sofia said softly, "I just want to go to bed..."

"Where?" Harry asked, "Our bed?" He watched as Sofia's breath hitched, and she looked down at the floor in embarrassment.

"You didn't even say goodbye," Harry growled, "You just left..."

"You wouldn't have let me go," Sofia said.

"Damn right I wouldn't have," Harry spat. Neither of them said anything, sitting there in silence. Harry staring at Sofia, and Sofia staring at the ground.

"I don't believe you don't want to be here, either. For the record –"

"Harry don't—"

"I think you got freaked out. I could see it on your face when I woke up. You tried to act calm, but you were totally freaked out. I told Zayn I thought you might call off the engagement. But I didn't think you'd run away..." Sofia squeezed her eyes shut as though as were in pain.

"I'm okay," Harry said, taking her hand, "I survived. I know you were upset and freaked out, but I survived. You don't have to worry about me,
I'm still here."

"But for how long?" Sofia spat, "You expect me to just be with you when you could be killed any day? I could be killed any day? Were supposed to pretend that we live a normal life, and get married, and have kids – when we don't? I don't want to do that, Harry! Maybe there are other girls who are willing to just pretend that their husbands might not come home – but I'm not one of them!"

"You know in all that bullshit, you didn't say the one thing you could have said to make me give up on us..." Harry hissed, standing up.

"And what's that?"

"'I don't love you anymore, Harry'" Harry said, "You didn't say that. You can spit your bullshit and lies out to anyone of them. But don't try it with me. Something happened, and I don't know what, but I'll find out. But I know you can spit out as many excuses as you want to not be with me – you still love me!"

"That's very presumptuous of you," Sofia hissed.

"You do!" Harry growled

"Then why didn't I come home?!" Sofia snapped, "If I loved you that much.."

"I don't know," Harry shrugged, "But you still haven't said, have you?" Sofia closed her mouth, staring at him, as he stared back at her. He was right, she didn't say it. And although she desperately wanted to, just to get him to leave her alone, she couldn't say it.

"I knew it," Harry whispered, "And I still love you. I loved you every day you were gone.. that hasn't changed." He reached for her, to pull her in for a kiss, but she pushed him away, tears in her eyes.

"NO!" she screeched, "Don't do that..."

"Sofia, whatever it is – we'll figure it out. I love you. I still love you, even if I am angry with you. I love you..."

"Well don't love me," Sofia whispered, "I don't deserve you to love me."

"What are you talking about?" Harry snapped, his eyes furrowing in confusion.

"You don't want to love me anymore, Harry," Sofia said, softly, "Believe me." And then she walked away from him, towards the kitchen, leaving him even more confused then ever that night.