She's Not Afraid

"You Can Go"

Harry watched as her fingers dug into the counter, her body shaking as she held herself up for every blow that he swung. He watched her back go up and down, as she kept her breathing in check. He swung again, this time the belt connected with her upper thigh. He kept expecting her to break, for her to let out a strangled cry or an 'I'm sorry', like she always did. He wanted to know that she was feeling his anger and frustration in every blow, but she said nothing. She let out no cry; she just stood there and accepted it.

This wasn't how he planned on his morning on going. Harry somehow convinced himself that when she woke up from her pill induced slumber; she would apologize and feel sorry. He convinced himself that he would be able to get out of hurting her, because she would feel sorry. He thought that he would be able to hold a conversation with her, and ask her why she had done it, and that she would finally let him in. He told himself that they would cry together, and she would promise him that she would never do it again. And then, when she faced Liam, Harry would have her back and convince everyone to back off. He convinced himself that last night would be the turning point.

But that's not how this morning went. Sofia stumbled out into their kitchen, still dazed and confused from last night. Her eyes were distant and cold again, and she was making no apologies for what had happened the night before. Any progress that had been made in the last few days was gone, and she was right back to being cold and spiteful.

"Let's get this over with," she spat at him, which only made him grow angrier. So he didn't even think twice, when he threw her against the wall, threatening to beat any desire she had for the drugs out of her. And then she laughed at him, shaking her head, like he was delusional. So Harry pushed her against the counter, and delivered the first blow. She was still wearing her booty shorts and tank top from the night before, and at the beginning Harry convinced himself that she would break easily, and cry, and then he could fuck her hard like he wanted to. He would show her who was really in charge. But she wasn't breaking, she wasn't giving in, and she wasn't sorry.

Harry threw the belt to the side, and watched as she finally collapsed into the counter. Her body still shaking hard, and he realized that she must've had a hard time holding herself up. He was finally seeing how skinny she was, he could see her shoulder blades and it scared him. Her legs were tiny, as the shook, as she tried to stand up straight. He moved forward to help her up, like he always would, but she pushed him away. She turned to him, wiping blood from her mouth, making Harry realize that instead of crying out, she bit her lip. Her eyes were wet, but he saw no sign of tears. She had kept herself in complete control, and it only made him angrier.

"Can I go now?" she hissed at him, wiping the blood from her lip.

Harry pushed her against the counter, so that he was mere inches away from her face. He held her forearms harshly in his hands as he glared down at her.

"Listen to me, Sofia," he spat out, "I don't care how many times I have to do that, I will beat this out of you..."

"Leave me alone, Harry," she growled, trying to push him off of her, but he was too strong. He towered over her, and his glare reminded her how intimidated she was of him. Her breath caught, and for a second she looked scared. She caught herself though, and fixed it fast.

"You next time this happens, this will seem like child's play," Harry hissed at her, his hands growing tighter and making her squirm, "And I'll beat you while you're high, I'll beat the high right out of you. And then, I'll do it again the next morning. Go ahead, test me on this Sofia, see how well it works out for you."

Sofia said nothing, refusing to look at him at he spat his angry words down at her. She could feel the bruises form on her arms where his fingers were pressing down on. She could still feel the sting on her legs, and ass, and back, from him assaulting her. But she welcomed the pain; she welcomed Harry's anger. If he were angry with her, he wouldn't want her. She deserved what just happened, she deserved that and so much more.

"Look at me!" he barked loudly, making her jump. Now that he was seeing her, he could see that he still held some intimidation over her. It gave him some satisfaction in knowing that what had just happened hadn't gone completely to waste, Sofia looked up at him.

"I won't loose you to this," Harry hissed, "Drugs are not going to be the reason you and I don't work out. Do you hear me?"

"Do you hear yourself?" Sofia spat, pushing him off of her, "Are you still delusional enough to think that we are going to be together?! I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE AT ALL!"

"SHUT UP!" he roared, as he grabbed her again, "SHUT UP! STOP FUCKING RUNNING YOUR MOUTH!"

"Let me go, Harry," Sofia spat out, her venomous words attacking him like a poison, "Let me go because you won't win this one..."

"You know I don't give up that easily," he growled

"You're already loosing," she hissed out at him, her grin evil, "I already like the drugs more then I like you... who are you kidding? You've already lost me..."

Harry couldn't take anymore, he shoved her against the wall, slamming his body into hers, and kissing her hard. He heard as her breath caught, but he didn't wait for her to react, spinning her, and slamming her against the counter, he smacked her ass several times, making her hiss in pain, before he bit down on her neck. He listened to her growl and reminded himself not to get too turned on.

"Who are you fucking kidding?" he growled low in her ear, "You're right here, in my arms, and you can't get away. I can have you any way I want to right now, in this moment. I haven't lost you to fucking anything, Sofia. Now you're already going to be uncomfortable today, you want to keep pushing this cause I think I just proved who's in control here, didn't I?" Sofia didn't say anything, but Harry could hear her panting, though he wasn't sure if it was out of anger or sexual frustration.

"DIDN'T I?!" he barked, loud in her ear.

"Yes..." she hissed, elbowing him so that he stumbled back. He glared down at her, trying to decide if he should just drag her back over to the counter and pick up his belt again.

"Go get dressed," he spat out, "Your brother is downstairs and waiting for you... and do something about your face, you look like a mess."


***


As Liam paced in front of her, Sofia tried not to think about how uncomfortable she was. Not because of her morning, but because she was finally coming down from her high. When she woke up, she was still dazed, the pills still pulsing through her system because she had taken enough of them the night before. That's probably why she had been so confident with Harry, because the high was blocking her senses. But now, as she sat in front of her brother wringing her hands and bouncing her knees, she was coming down and it was killing her. All she could think about was taking more pills, and getting rid of the anxious thoughts that were starting to pop into her head. She was moody, and the lack of pills in her body was not helping.

"Will you stop bouncing?" Liam spat at her as he paced in front of her, still not quite sure what to do. He wanted to kill her, but that wasn't an option.

"She's coming down," Zayn growled, as he watched her from the side of the room, recognizing the symptoms, "I bet you're super uncomfortable..."

Sofia could practically taste the bitterness as he talked, and she wanted to do nothing more then punch him right in the face. She could kill him, why was he even talking?

"Shut up, Zayn," she hissed at him.

"What did you just say?" He growled, as he stomped toward her.

"I told you to shut the fuck up!" she spat, as she stood up, facing him. He grabbed her, but she was too quick, she put all her weight into shoving him off of her and Zayn stumbled backwards. His surprise went quickly, as he backhanded her, sending her flying onto the carpet. She didn't have time to recover, as he was pulling her back up, and slamming her into a bookshelf.

"Watch yourself, Sofia," he spat, his eyes black with rage, "You don't want to push me today..."

"Enough," Liam hissed, "Sofia, sit down." Sofia pushed past Zayn and sat back down, looking up at her brother.

"I shut down every drug ring in this town," Liam hissed at her, "They interfere with our clubs and our dancers and our gamblers and our businesses. They do nothing but cause trouble, drug dealers. And you know that we don't get involved with their kind. Drugs cause gang wars, Sofia. You know that! You've seen it!" Sofia said nothing; she just stared blankly at him.

"I've never done drugs, and anyone who has gotten involved in that shit, has been killed, because it's too dangerous in our world," Liam spat out, "What you're doing is not okay, you're going to get yourself killed, and you might take us down with you..."

"So you're better then me?" Sofia hissed, glaring at him, "Because you've never done drugs? Or allowed anyone to do them? You're gonna sit here and preach to me, like you're better then me?"

"Watch it..." Liam growled

"No," Sofia spat, "Congratulations Liam, you've kept everything in control, like you have your entire life. Congrats, you've never done drugs. What do you want? A cookie?"

"I WANT YOU TO STOP PLAYING WITH YOUR LIFE!" Liam roared, which made Sofia stand up in anger.

"You think I wanted this?!" Sofia spat, "I didn't want this! I didn't wake up one day and decide to do this, Liam!"

"YOU WILL STOP!" He screamed at her, going red in the face, "YOU WILL NOT KILL YOURSELF WITH THIS SHIT!"

"I DIDN'T ASK TO BE DRAGGED BACK HERE, LIAM!" Sofia screamed, "I DIDN'T ASK FOR YOU TO TRY AND SAVE ME! I WAS PERFECTLY FINE LIVING MY LIFE!"

"I WON'T ALLOW YOU TO DO THIS!" Liam yelled, he approached her, grabbing her arms and shaking her, as though trying to shake sense into her.

"WHAT DO YOU CARE!?" she screamed, shaking out of his grip, "AS I RECALL YOU TOLD ME THAT SOMETIMES YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME!" Liam froze, staring at his sister, who had fire in her eyes.

"Sofia—" he choked out

"You said that! You said you would be better off!" She hissed, before turning to Zayn, "And when I was crying over Harry, you told me I should be crying, I put him there."

"And you," she said, pointing to Niall, "You said that I was gonna get everyone killed..."

"I didn't mean it, you know that," Niall hissed, but his eyes looked guilty.

"I left because you wanted me to, Liam," Sofia spat out, turning back to her brother, "And it wasn't my choice to come back. I don't want to be here, and I don't want to be saved."

"You're right," Liam growled, his voice calmer now, as he remembered back to that weekend in the hospital. The guilt taking over as he realized that he was part of the reason she was driven away.

"I'm sorry for what was said," Liam said quietly, "That weekend was full of heightened emotions, and people were saying a lot of things, a lot of things we didn't mean..."

"It doesn't matter anymore," Sofia said, shrugging, "What matters is this is where we are now, and I don't want to be here."

"Fine," Liam said, surprising his sister and everyone in the room. He didn't want to say the next part, but he was hoping to call her bluff. He was hoping that her resistance was really a cry for help.

"You don't want to be here?" Liam asked, "Fine. You can go."

"What?!" Harry spat out

"Liam, what the fuck are you doing?" Zayn growled, as Louis and Niall's eyes widened in shock.

"What?" Sofia hissed, looking at her brother as if she had never seen him before.

"You can leave. I'll let you go," Liam said, looking at her sadly. Sofia nodded her head slowly, still surprised at the turn of events.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

"But if you go," Liam said, his voice hard and quiet, "If you walk out that door and choose to walk away, you can't come back, Sofia. If you walk out, you're dead to us." Sofia's breath caught, as she took in her brother's words. She stayed quiet for a moment, looking at the ground, trying to get her head to stop spinning. Then she looked back up at him.

"I'll be gone by tonight," Sofia said, before turning and walking out of the door, leaving the boys loud protests and yells behind.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?!" Harry screamed, Louis had to step in front of him to keep him from launching at Liam.

"She doesn't want to be here," Liam said, "And none of you are to stop her from leaving. That's an order. Now get out of my office." And then Liam turned from them, hoping to God that once he gave Sofia what she wanted, she wouldn't want it anymore.


***


"Don't do this," Emily said, as Sofia threw clothes back her bag, "You don't have to do this."

"Emily, this is what's best.." Sofia said softly, not looking at her friend.

"How is this what's best?!" Emily snapped, "How could you say that!?"

"You don't want me here!" Sofia growled, "Not like this! I'll only make things worse!"

"You don't make things worse!" Emily cried, Sofia watched as the tears started down her face, "When you're gone things are worse! You don't know what it was like here without you!"

"Emily, I promise, you'll be okay. This is what is best for everyone. So, everyone can move on!" Sofia said, as she zipped up her bag, looking at her friend.

"But I'm here, and your family is here," Emily cried, making Sofia's stomach turn inside, "How could you leave us? Again?"

Sofia didn't say anything; she just turned and walked out of the room, leaving Emily crying behind her. She didn't say anything to the whining dog who had noticed the bag on her shoulder, and tried not to look around too much in her tiny apartment that she shared with Harry. Liam wouldn't have let her leave if he didn't want her gone, so she was going and she wasn't
going to look back.

She had hoped they would just let her go in peace, but when she walked down into the living room, Eleanor and Danielle were standing there.

"You're not doing this," Danielle said, "Take your bag upstairs. Your brother didn't mean it, he's just angry."

"Dani, he meant it..." Sofia said, trying to move past her, but Danielle stepped in front of her again.

"I'm not messing around with you, Sofia," Danielle spat, her motherly tone coming out, "I could probably kick your ass, so it's for your benefit that you just turn around and put your clothes back. Once everyone cools down, it'll be fine."

"No it won't," Sofia snapped at her, taking Danielle by surprise, "I will never be fine here. Just move," she said, pushing past Danielle. Someone grabbed her hand and she thought it was Danielle but when she was pulled back, she saw that it was Eleanor who was crying softly to herself.

"Please," Eleanor begged quietly, "Don't."

"You'll be okay," Sofia said, putting her hand on El's face, "You'll all be okay. And so will I. This is what is for the best. We all want each other to be happy, this will make us happy."

Sofia turned away from them as she made her way to the kitchen, noticing that Liam wasn't anywhere in sight. Niall and Ella sat at the table, while Zayn stood in front of the back door, with his arms crossed.

"So you're really going to do this?" Niall asked, looking up at her, "Is your pride really that important?" Sofia ignored him, as she stared at Zayn who wasn't moving.

"You have to move, Zayn," Sofia said quietly, "I have a train to catch."

"You get go if you can get through me," Zayn growled, "But good fucking luck."

"You were told not to stop me from going," Sofia said, rolling her eyes, "You disobeying a direct order..."

"Yeah well, I'll deal with the consequences once I've kicked your ass," Zayn spat. But Sofia just turned away from him, walking back through the kitchen and living room, and out the front door before anyone else could say anything. She had gotten Andy to agree to take her to the train station, and he was outside waiting for her.

"You can't do this," she heard him say, and soon he was grabbing her arm, and she had to look him in the eye.

"Harry, let go," she said, as she tried to move to the garage.

"I won't let you do this," Harry growled, but she could see the tears in her eyes, "I won't let you go."

"Harry, stop it," Sofia hissed, but soon he was on his knees, his arms wrapped around her legs, and tears pouring down his face. This took her by surprise, and she wasn't quite sure what do with herself. He looked up at her, his face pathetic and sad, as tears rolled down them. She looked away so that she wouldn't cry with him. She had hoped that he wouldn't do this; she had hoped he wouldn't give her a reason to stay.

"Please don't leave me," he begged, she had never seen him this vulnerable, "Please. Baby, please."

"Harry stop –" she whispered, taking his face into her hands gently, and willing herself not to cry, "Don't you see? This is what is best?" She stepped out of his arms, and left him broken on his knees.

"I can't live without you, Sofia," Harry choked, "You don't have to be with me, I won't make you be with me. But, please, please, God, just stay..."

Sofia couldn't bring herself to say anything, as she looked away from him. She felt the tears coming, and she felt the yearning to get on her knees in front of him, and hold him tightly in her arms and never let him go. But he wouldn't want her if he knew, and the longer she stayed here, the more she wanted to let him in and tell him everything. And she couldn't do that, she would rather have him miss her then hate her. So, she turned from him and walked away.

In the garage she noticed that Andy was no longer there, instead Louis Tomlinson was leaning against his Rang Rover, grinning at her.

"You're not allowed to try and convince me to stay..." Sofia said, her eyes rolling. He grinned bigger.

"Who said anything about convincing you to stay?" he asked, "I'm going with you..."

"What?" Sofia spat out, surprised.

"Yup! Road trip!" Louis cried, pumping his fists in the air. It was then that Sofia noticed the bag on his shoulder.

"Are you out of your mind?" Sofia spat, "Don't be ridiculous, Louis. This isn't going to get me to stay, so just give it up. Where's Andy?"

"I sent him away," Louis said, still grinning, "I told you. I'm going with you." Sofia stared at him, still not knowing how to handle this. Louis threw his keys at her, which she caught with ease.

"You drive," he said, before hopping into the passengers seat with a grin.


***


They had only driven for about a half hour when Louis insisted he was hungry and that they pull over. Sofia tried to resist it, and told him that she would pull over when they were further out, but Louis is like a bug that you can't kill and eventually the buzzing gets so loud that you just do what he wants so he'll stop annoying you. And so far, this trip, he had done nothing but annoyed her. He insisted on playing his music, which also happened to be a playlist made for him by Harry. And he hadn't stopped talking the entire way.

Every time he passed something, he recalled a story that had taken place there. When they passed a barn, he remembered one time he had to pick up Sofia drunk there after a party her friends had thrown. When he passed an abandoned road, he reminded her of the one time when they were kids they drove up on Halloween, and had a bonfire but scared themselves and ran back home. And when they passed the train station that Sofia was supposed to be using to get home, Louis told her of the time he had run away, which she remembered pretty clearly in her own head, because she had spent the entire 5 hours he was gone, crying in her bed convinced he was never coming home.

The more he talked, the more Sofia wanted to turn around and drive back home. She wanted to speed home, rush into the house, and apologize for everything. She wanted to crawl into bed with her dog, and sleep with Harry's arms wrapped around her, and wake up the next morning to Danielle's pancakes and David's baby noises. The more he talked, the more she dreaded returning to her run down apartment with Cara, and going back to her mundane job at the café, and never seeing any of the people she loved again. And, in her head, she knew that this was part of his plan. In her head, she knew that she should resist what he was doing. But she couldn't, and she was allowing herself to be convinced into going back home.

As they sat at the diner, Louis ordered for both of them, which made Sofia raise his eyebrows at him. He told her that he was sick of seeing her look like a stick, so he was determined to fatten her up. He told her that skinny wasn't a good look on her, and that her clothes were so big they made her look homeless. He also pointed out that he missed the color in her cheeks, and that her dark eyes made him cringe. She didn't know whether to be insulted or relieved by his honesty. She missed being honest, and could always count of Louis Tomlinson for that. When their meals came, she ate in silence, hoping he would do the same.

"So, uh, let's cut the bullshit shall we?" Louis said, surprising her, "We're both gone. You won't upset anyone. Why don't you tell me what your big secret is?" Sofia laughed at how casual he was when asking.

"Nice try, Tommo," Sofia said, "But no go."

"You're stuck with me for the next two hours, you think I won't annoy it out of you?" Louis asked, as he bit into his burger and moaned at his deliciousness.

"I could tell you, but then I would have to kill you," Sofia said, "Besides, you would just go home and tell the others. You never were any good at keeping secrets."

"I'm not going home without you," Louis said, his face serious for the first time all night.

"Lou, you're wife is pregnant. My brother needs you. And you are the only god damn person who can drive a car," Sofia said, "You have to go back."

"Like I said, not without you," Louis said, shrugging, "You say the word, and we can head back right now. But as long as you aren't there, I'm not there."

"I know what you're trying to do," Sofia said quietly, "Eleanor will never agree to this."

"She already did," Louis said, surprising Sofia again, as she choked on her burger.

"What?" Sofia hissed at him, her eyes furrowing in confusion, "But she's pregnant and you should be home with her! Why would she agree to let you do this?!"

"Probably because she wants you home with the rest of us, and she willing to see if this worked," Louis said, shrugging, "Come on, Sofia. You don't really want to leave, do you?"

"Of course I do," Sofia said, though her eyes looked down at her plate instead of at him.

"No you don't," Louis said quietly, "You don't want to be by yourself, just like you don't want to depend on those pills. You're just pushing us all away, because that's what you do. But, I refuse to be pushed away. I'll follow you wherever you go, until you eventually go back home."

"You heard, Liam," Sofia said, looking up at Louis with tears in her eyes, "I'm not allowed."

"He didn't mean it and you know that," Louis said, putting his hand on hers, "What's your big secret, Sofia? Maybe once you tell one person, it'll be easier to tell someone else. Whatever it is, we'll get you through it, I promise."

Sofia sighed deeply, as she stared at Louis who was looking at her with concerned eyes. She desperately wished they weren't sitting in a diner on the side of the road, and that they were alone. She could hear the words bubbling up in her throat, as Louis squeezed her hand. She felt the tears in her eyes, and the pull on her heart as she just wished she were back home.

"It was a few days after I left..." Sofia whispered quietly, as she watched Louis sigh with relief that she was finally opening up.

"I was so upset about, Harry," Sofia continued, quietly, "I went out, and I just needed to get drunk. I needed to get my mind off everything. I needed to forget..."

"Yes, and?" Louis asked, gently pressing her to keep going. He noticed a tear roll down her cheek. But she jumped suddenly as his phone ring. Louis growled, and took it out of his pocket to ignore it but Sofia stopped him.

"You should get that," Sofia said, and Louis hesitated but picked up.

"What is it Liam?" he snapped into the phone. Sofia could hear chaos on the other end, and she looked at Louis in concern. Louis' face went white, and his hand tightened around the phone.

"What?" Louis snapped, "What happened? Is she okay?" he asked, making Sofia jump up from her seat.

"Check!" she yelled out, as she watched Louis listen to Liam on the other end.

"I'm coming," he snapped, before hanging up and looking up at Sofia who was now paying the waitress.

"Louis, what happened?" she asked, as he stared at her blankly, his face still white.

"LOUIS, WHAT HAPPENED?!" She said louder, snapping him back into reality, "Louis, what's wrong?!"

"There's been a drive by," Louis said, as he felt around for his keys, "El's been hit. We have to – I have to –" Louis was stumbling on his words, as he fumbled for his keys.

"We have to go home," Sofia said, grabbing the keys that were on the table, "Come on, I'll drive." And Louis followed her out of the diner, as they both ran to the car.