She's Not Afraid

"Don't"

Sofia Payne could feel herself slipping into a peaceful sleep, but it was the annoying chuckling coming from above her that made it impossible. She snapped her eyes open, looking up at a very amused Louis Tomlinson.

"You look like a burrito," Louis said, before taking a sip of his tea, observing Sofia as she wrapped the blanket she had completely around her body.

"And you look like the asshole that woke me up at 7 this morning. I was meant to sleep in, Louis! I haven't slept in days..." Sofia moaned, shutting her eyes, and moving down into the blanket.

"Don't be a grouch," Louis said, as he sat down
next to her, adjusting her legs so that they were on top of his, "We always do the shopping for my party together. Can't break tradition, you know?"

"Fuck tradition," Sofia muttered, her eyes still closed, "I want sleep." She groaned again as she heard Harry and Liam enter the room loudly.

"Fuck that, Liam," Harry was yelling, while laughing, "You're bloody insane on a golf cart."

"I didn't do anything!" Liam insisted, as they both collapsed onto the couch.

"Would you two mind shutting the fuck up?" Sofia barked, glaring at the two of them.

"What's with you?" Liam asked

"Louis woke her up today at 7," Harry said, staring at Sofia, who was trying to make herself comfortable.

"I told you to let her sleep," Liam growled at Louis, who shrugged his shoulders in response.

"She'll wake up when it's time to get ready for the party," Louis said, "She'll be fine."

"Fuck you, Tomlinson," Sofia muttered

"You're getting little brave," Liam warned her, as Sofia rolled her eyes, ignoring Harry's lustful and scary stare.

"Where is everyone?" Sofia asked

"We're here," Liam answered, nodding around the room

"I meant the people I actually like, the girls..." Sofia hissed, as she threw her brother a dirty look

"Eleanor went shopping with Daisy and Emily, Danielle and Ella went to the restaurant to make sure the catering is ready for tonight, and then they were going to the bakery..." Liam explained

Sofia opened her mouth, wanting to ask why non of them had come and found her before they left but she was interrupted by Zayn walking into the room growling under his breath.

"Excuse you? What was that, mate?" Louis asked, surprising Zayn who didn't know that people were in the room.

"Bloody women," Zayn hissed, "Zara cancelled on me, she's not coming up... heard I have a complicated relationship from somewhere."

Sofia snorted, thinking to herself that she had to thank Katie later for getting the word out about Zayn and Emily, and for forcing people to back off.

"Did you have something to do with this?" Zayn growled, as he held out his phone in anger.

"I've been here, and I don't fucking know the whores you've been banging, how would I have anything to do with this?" Sofia snapped at him.

"You look guilty," Zayn growled

"And you look like a fucking twat, but you don't see me accusing you of anything," Sofia growled

"You're not going to be seeing much if you keep talking to me like that!" Zayn snapped, "I've had just about enough of you!"

"Believe me, Zayn, the feeling is fucking mutual!" Sofia growled

"I don't why you care so much about what I'm doing with my free time, it's non of your damn business who or who I don't fuck," Zayn growled low, as him and Sofia continued to glare at each other, "Maybe you should keep that in mind and stay the fuck out of my private life, Sofia."

"You're being an asshole, Zayn. And I'm just trying to look out for you..." Sofia said, her voice laced in hurt

"It's not your job to fucking to look out for me, why don't you deal with your own relationship ... you and Harry have enough issues to keep you busy, stop trying to deal with mine too!" Zayn snapped, before turning on his heel and walking out the door.

"I'm going to say something to him, he's right out of line," Harry hissed, standing up, his face contorted in anger.

"No, don't," Sofia said, "Just leave him. I don't give a fuck what he says, he's just angry at life right now..."

"Sofia, I don't want him making comments about our relationship. He doesn't even fucking know anything. Just because he can't get his shit together – doesn't give him the right to trash ours..."

"Harry, he's just angry... and he's hurt, and heartbroken...." Sofia said softly, not looking at Harry, but past him, at the door that Zayn had just stormed out of.

"Why do you always defend him?" Harry asked, his voice quiet and reserved, catching Sofia by surprise. She glanced at him, and swore she saw a bit of hurt in his eyes, but they were quickly glazed over and he just looked distant.

"I don't," Sofia said

"Yes, you do," Harry said, nodding his head, "You always defend him. And I don't get it."

Liam sighed deeply, knowing that this could start a whole other fight. He knew that things had been tense in the house, especially with all the personal issues that were going on. He had been hoping that time at the mountain house would help that tension subside. He was hoping the romantic atmosphere, and the winter cold, and the holiday cheer would put people in the spirit of fixing things. He was hoping that Zayn and Emily would finally talk, and that Sofia and Harry would commit to each other again. He was hoping that things would go back to the way they were before, but so far, it seemed that things were sliding further and further away from how they were.

"She's right, Haz," Liam said, trying to interfere before there was a fight, "Zayn isn't thinking straight. He's heartbroken. I think we all just need to cut him a little slack."

"But he's being a dick," Harry growled, collapsing right back into the couch, with his arms crossed and his eyebrows furrowed in frustration.

"I know," Liam said, "But... he just needs a break."



***


"Wey hey! Look what I found!" Niall cried, startling Sofia out of her sleep.

"I'm not meant to sleep today, am I?" Sofia growled, as she looked up from the lap her head was on. Harry looked down at her smiling small, his green eyes dancing with amusement as he watched her jump.

"What is all that?" Louis asked, as Sofia sat up watching as Niall struggled with two boxes, placing them down on the coffee table.

"Photo albums," Sofia answered, as she recognized the boxes, "Mom put them together for years, but she could never keep them in the main house – so she kept them here."

"Sweet, do you think I'm in these?" Louis asked, picking one up.

"We all are," Liam said, "Danielle kept them up after they died, I wonder how far these go back?"

Sofia picked up a photo album, flipping it open and coming across pictures from a summer years ago. There was a picture of Sofia clinging to her mother, her who was kissing her cheek. Next to it, a picture of her on her father's shoulders in the pool, Sofia looked as though she was screaming, as Liam laughed in the background. Sofia turned the page.

"Holy shit," Harry breathed, as he looked at the pictures on the page. Sofia stood on the bar of their house, smiling widely, as Liam, Louis and Zayn stood on the ground below her, posing for a picture, "How old are you guys in these?"

"Probably around 3," Sofia said quietly, smiling at the pictures, as she flipped through, "Liam and Zayn were 8, and Louis was 10."

"Shit, really?" Louis asked, moving over to look at the pictures, "I picked up early high school, switch with me?"

"Your high school or mine?" Sofia asked

"Ours," Louis said.

"You guys before puberty? Yes please!" Sofia laughed, grabbing the photo album, and giving Louis the one that she just had.

"Oh my god!" squealed Sofia, as she opened the book, there were Niall, Zayn, Louis, and Liam standing dressed up in front of the steps of their home.

"What the hell are you guys wearing?" Harry asked

"Look at Zayn! He has like, no hair!" Sofia giggled

"What about me?" Zayn asked, walking into the room, "What are you looking at?"

"Pictures from forever go," Sofia answered, ignoring how tense Harry got, "Come look!" Zayn glanced at Harry unsure, knowing that he was probably still pissed about earlier. Harry gave him a curt nod, which told Zayn that it was okay to come look.

"This is right after we started hanging out with Niall," Zayn said, shaking his head, "Holy shit. We're like, 14 here..."

"Can I ask again, what the hell you were wearing?" Harry asked, trying to hide a laugh.

"We were going to the school disco!" Zayn defended, before turning the page.

"Oh my god, look at you," Harry nudged Sofia, who laughed at the picture of the boys in suits holding a 10 year old Sofia who was in her pajamas.

"Good God," Liam hissed, from across from them, "Look at this, look at me and Dani, we look like children..." He handed the book to Louis, as Sofia leaned over to look.

There was a 15 year old Liam and Danielle standing awkwardly side by side, Danielle in a red dress and Liam in a button up shirt. Danielle's curls were out of control, and Liam was trying to control how cocky his smile was.

"You were babies... I can't believe you've almost been together for 10 years, that's crazy," Sofia said

"Are there any pictures of me and El?" Louis asked

"I found some, but I don't think you two are together yet in these," Niall said, as he passed a small photo album.

In the picture, El is sat at the kitchen table with Danielle and Sofia, while Louis is in the background, clearly staring at her.

"This must've been right after," Louis said, "She looks 16 in this, right?"

"Yes," Sofia nodded, "And I look about 10, and you definitely had the horrible hair cut when you were 17..."

"Where am I?" Harry asked, "Why are there no pictures of me?"

"You weren't around until recently," Niall said, as he moved through books, "You'd be in Sofia's high school albums, right?"

"Yeah, I was like 14 when Harry showed up," Sofia said, "Those two blue albums would probably have you in them," she pointed to the albums and Niall grabbed them handing them over to her.

Sofia opened the book, her breath catching as the first picture was a young Sofia, in the boxing ring with her father. He had his hands on his hips, and seemed to be lecturing her, as Sofia covered her face in the laugh.

"Good to know not much as changed," Harry said, shaking his head at her. Sofia smiled, as she looked at the other pictures: one of her on Liam's back, both laughing hysterically. Another of her and Niall at the gun range. Another of her and her mother and Danielle sitting outside drinking tea.

Turning the page, there were just more. Her, Emily, and Katie in short dresses posing by front door.

"My first job," Sofia said quietly, as she pointed to another picture, "There you are!"

There was a picture of Sofia, looking ready to go to a club, she stood with Zayn, Liam, and Zayn had gave a thumbs up. Harry was in the background, talking to someone.

"We weren't even on each other's radar," Sofia said, laughing quietly to herself, as she continued to flip through pictures of her early high school years. There were so many pictures of her and Emily.

"That's prom!" Sofia giggled, as she pointed a picture of Emily, Katie, and herself, with Danielle and Eleanor on their sides.

"They did our makeup," Sofia said.

"Look at this," Zayn said, "I think this was the last Christmas with your parents..." he handed her the album. Sofia looked down, seeing pictures of all of them in the living room laughing and talking.

"Who is that?" Sofia asked, pointing at the girl who sat on Harry's lap.

"Caroline," Harry answered, "She came up for Louis party..."

"Oh, that's right," Sofia said, annoyed. Harry grinned. They flipped through the pictures, laughing and pointing, until stopping at the last page. She heard Harry's breath stop, and she stared at the picture, forgetting it had ever been taking.

"Wow, that seems like forever ago," Zayn said, his eyes wide, as he stared at a picture of himself and a 16 year old Sofia kissing under the mistletoe.

"It was," Harry said, closing the book quickly, and picking up another one, relieved to see that the first picture in it, was from more recent years, and it was Sofia sitting with Harry by the pool.

"Much better," he muttered under his breath.

"Sof, when is this from? I don't remember," Liam asked, as he stared at the picture in front of him. Sofia stood up to go to her brother.

It was a picture of them with their parents, Sofia in a patterned skirt and sweater, with Liam's arm slung over her shoulder – sticking out his tongue, and she rolled her eyes. Their parents on either side of them, laughing.

"Mom's birthday," Sofia said, her voice so quiet, he barely heard her, "In March. We all went out to dinner. A month later they were dead..." The whole room got quiet, as they stared at Sofia and Liam who were looking at the picture. Sofia glanced up at Liam who was looking at her intently.

"That was the last picture we took together," Sofia said.



***

"Harry told me not to get too drunk!" Sofia practically yelled, over the music, as she stumbled next to Eleanor, who was pouring more shots.

"What Harry doesn't know, won't kill him," Eleanor said, handing her the shots, "I can't drink – you have to drink for me!"

"What are you two ladies doing?" Louis said, walking up to them as he watched Sofia knock back two
more shots, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Happy Birthday Louis!" Sofia shrieked, throwing herself at him. He caught her, and she kissed him sloppily on the cheek.

"You're so drunk," Louis laughed, "I love drunk Sofia, she's the best!"

"Well good," Sofia said, as she looked around the house, at all of the people, "Are you having a good party?"

"An excellent party," Louis said, nodding his head, "I can't believe I'm 26..."

"You're old," Sofia said, agreeing with him.

"Watch it," Louis growled, "I'm forever young."

"Bullshit," Sofia said, "AH! I LOVE THIS SONG!" She said, bouncing away from him as she danced to the sounds of Drake.

"She's smashed," Louis said, turning to his wide, who looked up at him innocently, "What did you do?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Eleanor said, shrugging, "But how much have you missed drunk Sofia?"

"So fucking much," Louis said, "Wanna take bets on how much trouble she causes?"

"I bet her and Harry fuck in the bathroom," Eleanor said, "They have so much sexual tension it's not even funny..."

"Nah," Louis said, shaking his head, "She's gonna get into a fight with Zayn, it's going to happen."

Sofia had moved into the living room, dancing to the music, as she swallowed the rest of the drink in her hand. Dancing up to the open bar, she poured herself
another drink.

"That's all vodka," a voice said beside her, Sofia turned to see her brother and Niall standing next to her, staring pointedly at her drink.

"Vodka is a drink for the Gods, and I sir, am I God," Sofia said, as she poured more vodka into the cup, and swallowed it whole before Liam could grab the cup.

"Sofia, what are you doin –" Liam said, but he was interrupted by a yell.

"Get away from us!" All three turned to see Emily, standing in front of a boy none of them recognized, and Zayn towering over them both.

"Oh fuck," Niall said, trying to move towards them, but Zayn turned away, and stormed up the steps.

"I should go see him," Liam said, "You see if Emily's alright," he said to Niall.

"I'll check on Zayn," Sofia said, and before her brother could protest, she was heading towards the steps.

As she climbed the steps, she realized just how much alcohol she had consumed. She could barely get up the stairs, as she clutched the railing, and hoped that the stairs would stop moving. When she reached the top, she thanked God, and made her way down the hallway. She knocked on Zayn's door.

"Go away Liam, I don't want to talk about it," Zayn's voice boomed from inside, Sofia swung the door open.

"I told you – I don't want to –" Zayn yelled, turning to her, and stopping when realizing who was at his door.

"Wrong Payne," Sofia said, turning to close the door. Zayn stood there quietly as Sofia turned back to him. She bit her lip, looking up at him, noticing the wetness in his eyes.

"I don't want to talk about it," Zayn growled, before swallowing hard.

"Okay, we won't talk about it," Sofia said, as she walked toward him, but she stumbled, flying forward, right into his arms.

"You alright?" he asked, looking down at her, his arms locked around her waist so she couldn't slip.

"Yeah, just really fucking drunk," Sofia said quietly.

"Like, Senior Prom drunk or put your hand through a cabinet drunk?" Zayn asked, his eyes light and amused.

"Like, the fucking stairs were just moving Harry Potter style drunk," Sofia said, and Zayn laughed.

"Harry won't be thrilled," Zayn said quietly

"No, he won't," Sofia said, allowing Zayn to lead
her over to the bed. Sofia lay back on the bed, and Zayn sat next to her, looking down at her.

"So, what do you want to talk about – since you don't want to talk about Emily?" Sofia asked

"Sofia, don't –" Zayn growled

"You love her," Sofia said, "I know you do."

"She's here with someone else," Zayn said, "It doesn't matter how I feel."

"She thought you would be here with someone else," Sofia said, quietly, "Don't be hypocrite..."

"I said I don't want to talk about it!" Zayn barked, turning away from her, she saw he was trying to control his breath and his anger. She didn't say anything for a little while, but her mind traveled back to the pictures.

"So, it was weird, huh?" Sofia asked, Zayn turning back to her, "Seeing those pictures?" Zayn leaned down, so that he was on his arm, looking down at her.

"It was nice," Zayn said quietly, "Reminded me of how much history we all have, you know?"

"Yeah," Sofia said quietly, as she looked up at him, she watched as Zayns eyes traveled to her lips.

"This house has a lot of memories, too," Zayn said, his face getting closer to her.

"Yeah it does," Sofia said, her voice a whisper, "We had our first kiss here, remember?"

"How could I forget?" Zayn laughed, "It was in the snow. We went sledding..."

"And we fell off the sled," Sofia said, as she reached up to touch his face, the memories taking over.

"Rolling in the snow," Zayn said, "I just couldn't help myself... you were so beautiful." Sofia removed her hand, her throat caught; she didn't know what to say. She was so drunk. She shouldn't be here – she knew that. But, Zayn was so hurt, he was so broken. She just wanted to fix him.

"You're still beautiful..." Zayn whispered so quiet she could barely hear him. His head leaned down.

"Zayn don't –" Sofia hissed, but she wasn't sure if he could hear her. He must've because he stopped, but he looked at her, his eyes desperate.

"Please..." he begged quietly, "Just once, I just... I need to feel something. Those girls, they don't mean anything. I just need to feel something. Please, Sofa..."

"Zayn... this isn't right, This isn't –" Sofia whispered, but she couldn't complete her sentence, her heart hurt for him too much. He leaned down again.

"Zayn you don't –" Sofia said, but it was too late, his lips were already crashing on to hers, and taking her breath away. Her hands immediately went to his chest, to push him away. But he was too powerful, and she wasn't trying as hard as she should have. And in one horrible moment, Sofia found herself kissing back even though she knew she shouldn't. She was giving into him, and nothing made sense. Her mind was reeling as Zayn's lips moved against hers, but it didn't last long because a door slammed opened, making them fly apart.

"What the hell is this?!"