She's Not Afraid

"Did You Miss Me?"

Sofia took advantage of the fact that Harry was in shock and no one else was paying attention to her to quickly stumble through the crowd and towards the exit. Once out on the street, she took a deep breath of the fresh air and looked around. She forgot how good it felt to be so familiar with the area. She walked down the road toward the dark corner where she knew she would find what she was looking for. She didn't have much time, and she knew that. She knew that it wouldn't take long for Harry to snap out of his surprise, and for the others to notice she was gone. She turned the corner, and looked into the alleyway where she found a shadow lurking. She approached it calmly and quickly.

"What are you selling?" she asked, as he stepped out of the shadows. He had a sweatshirt over his head, and his brown eyes blazed with amusement as he looked her up and down.

"What are you buying?" he asked, as she tried to ignore that he was looking at her like she was a piece of meat.

"My first choice is Xanx – but if you have Percs I'll take that. I just need something to get me high out of my mind." Sofia said, as she looked around, nervous about how much time she had. It was also just dawning on her that she was alone in an alleyway with someone who probably had several lethal weapons on him.

"How much do you have?" he asked her.

"I have 50, which is enough to get me high tonight," Sofia snapped at him, he raised his eyebrows at her, surprised that she knew her way around prices.

"Okay then, show me the money," he said, "I don't have Xanx, but I have percs. You want it in powder or pill form?"

"Whatever," Sofia hissed, "It doesn't matter what form it's in."
She handed him over the money as he reached into his pocket to get the pills.

"Don't hand her anything," a voice growled from behind them. Sofia turned quickly to a man step out of the shadows.

"James," she whispered in shock, surprised to see him.

"We don't sell to her," James growled to the man, as he grabbed Sofia's face. Sofia struggled against him.

"You see this face?" James spat at the man, "Do you see her face?"

"Yes," the man said quietly, as he looked into Sofia's eyes.

"Memorize this face. Because you will not sell her a god damn thing, do you hear me?" James growled dangerously.

"Yes sir," the man said, quietly, the fear apparent in his eyes.

"Good. Now hand the lady back her money and get the fuck out of here before I change my mind about being nice." The man quickly through the money back at Sofia and scurried down the isle. James let go of Sofia who glared up at him.

"You sell to everyone," she spat up at him.

"Not to you," James said, shaking his head, "Your brother would kill me, and I'm already in deep with him."

"Why?"

"I'm not answering that," James said, "Now let's go, this is the last part you want your brother to find you. Or Harry."

Sofia followed him out of the alleyway as they headed back to the club. James led the way, and Sofia followed him closely behind.

"What are you even doing here? How did you even know I was there?"

"I was walking to the club. I'm looking for your brother," James said, "And I was walking past and saw you. Welcome home, by the way. You look like shit."

"Everyone keeps saying that," Sofia hissed, "I look nice tonight!"

"You look like you belong in an office, or a coffin," James said, still not looking at her as he walked ahead. They turned the corner on the club, and saw the boys are running out of the door.

"There you are!" Liam huffed, as he ran towards them, "James, good to see you. Thanks for bringing her back..."

"She wasn't trying to go anywhere, Liam," James said, Sofia looked up at him surprised before walking towards the steps and pulling out a cigarette.

"You would tell me if she was doing something stupid?" she heard Liam ask, as James covered for her some more.

Sitting on the step, Sofia lit her cigarette, and thought about how it was probably a good thing James had stepped in at the time that he did. Although she wanted to be high at the time, the feeling never lasted long. And soon all the anxiety and upheaval she had been feeling just a little while ago was gone on it's own, and she didn't need the drugs that she so desperately thought she did at the time. She watched as Liam and James talked intensely with Louis and Niall.

Suddenly the cigarette was being yanked out of her mouth, and Sofia looked up from her spot on the step to a un amused Zayn.

"Hey!" she hissed

"This is going to kill you," he hissed, as he took a drag of the cigarette himself before throwing it on the ground.

"You're a filthy hypocrite," Sofia snapped, "What's James doing here anyway?"

"One of his guys was a suspect in a break in at Katie and Sean's place..."

"Katie and Sean's flat got broken into?" Sofia gasped, surprised, "What?! When?!"

"Like two weeks ago," Zayn growled, "Don't interrupt me. Anyway, James is telling Liam that he was right in his suspicions. He's gonna let us take him, I think."

"James is gonna let us take him?" Sofia hissed, her eyes furrowed in confusion, "Since when does that happen?"

"Since both of them are hell bent on keeping the peace, and one of his guys broke the treaty..." Zayn said, as Emily approached them.

"Hey, Harry is looking for you..." Emily said, "I think we're leaving soon..."
Sofia nodded, before she walked over to where Harry was standing, his arms crossed as James talked. Harry looked over at her out of the corner of his eyes, she saw his jaw lock.

"Look, he has a girlfriend who's pregnant," James said, "I want them out of the house. Give me an hour, and I'll get them out of the house, he'll by himself..."

"Okay, agreed," Liam said, "You can have an hour." James sighed, looking at Liam unsure.

"You want something else?" Liam asked, slightly annoyed.

"I'm hoping that if I give you this guy for free, and let you do what you have to do, you'll leave the younger one who was involved alone. He's young, he thought he was following orders, and I'll take care of him..."

"James, he held one of our girls by gunpoint... while this fucker raided her apartment. It scared the hell out of her, she was alone, she could have been killed, and he broke the truce, and now you want me to let it go?"

"Liam, he's a kid and he thought he was following orders of someone who was higher then him..." James said, "I know it's asking a lot... but you know how the young kids can be..." He glanced over at Sofia as she approached the group.

"Fine," Liam growled, as he glanced at his sister, "I'm going to round everyone up, you two get to the car."

Sofia nodded, as she turned to Harry, who was staring at her intently. Suddenly he grabbed her chin, hurting her, as he forced her to look at him.

"OW! Harry! Get off!" she growled, but Harry didn't let go.

"Did you go and get high?" he hissed, as he looked into her eyes, looking for any signs that she was under the influence.

"NO!" she snapped, as she pushed him off of her. Harry stumbled back, but he was still staring at her.

"I'll put up with a lot ... but I won't put up with –" he started but Sofia shook her head at him.

"I'm not high, Haz," she said softly, "I promise." He nodded his head before turning and heading back to the car with Sofia trailing behind him.


***


As they pulled up into the driveway, Liam had barely put the car in park as Sofia barreled over Zayn and Harry to get out of the car, shrieking as she went.

"BINGLY!" she cried, as the dog raced towards her and away from Sean and Katie who were standing in the driveway. He knocked her around, as she hugged the dog around his neck.

"Oh Bing, I missed you so much!" Sofia squealed, as she kissed her dog, who looked just as excited to see her.

"Unbelievable," Katie huffed as she stood over her friend and her dog, "You greet the dog before you greet one of your oldest friends in the world..."

"Unbelievable," Louis said, rolling his eyes, "The first time she admits to missing one of us – and it's the dog."

Sofia was ignoring all of them and she allowed the dog to kiss her, and looked the happiest any of them had seen her.

"Seriously?" Katie asked, staring down at her, "Get up and give me a hug," Sofia allowed Katie to pull her up and hugged her.

"I'm happy to see you, Katie," Sofia said, "But why do you have my dog?"

"Liam let us have him after the break in, he made me feel a bit safer, but we won't need him after tonight so were returning him..." Katie said, "Oh by the way, I'm fine. Thanks for asking."

Sofia laughed, "Sorry. Seriously, how are you?"

"I'm fine," Katie said, "I'm just glad it's all going to be over by later tonight."

"Yes it is," Liam said, kissing her head softly, "Let's go get ready boys."

As the boys got ready to go, Sofia and Danielle went to the kitchen to try and find everyone something to eat and drink before they had to go. Ella was in the kitchen with a crying David.

"Oh no," Danielle cooed, "Has he been like this all night?"

"No," Ella said, "He just woke up, I think he's hungry..."

"Sofia would you mind feeding him while Ella and I whip up something small to eat?" Danielle asked, as she took David from Ella. Sofia froze at the sight of the baby being held out to her.

"I, uh, I don't think that's a good idea," Sofia mumbled, trying to ignore Danielle's curious look.

"He's missed his Aunt Sofia, I'm sure he would calm down for you, he always did before..." Danielle said, gently as she tried to figure out why Sofia was suddenly acting so strange.

"I, just... I don't know..." Sofia said, her breath getting weaker as she tried to catch it. Her heart was racing, and she was trying to push all of the images that had rushed to her head out.

"Sofia are you okay?" Ella asked, as Sofia gripped the counter.

"I'm fine," Sofia hissed out, as she looked for her purse.

"Here," Eleanor said, Sofia looked at her in surprise, as she seemingly came from nowhere. Eleanor handed her a pill, and turned back to Danielle.

"I'll feed David," Eleanor said gently, "I need the practice anyway..."

Sofia didn't say anything as she swallowed the pill and avoided Danielle's gaze. She sat down at the table, trying to readjust her breath so that it was normal. She didn't look at Eleanor or David who were both sat across from her. She tried to ignore Danielle's concerned stare, and was grateful when she finally got distracted trying to make grilled cheese.

It wasn't long after that the boys came in and grabbed something quickly to eat before they were ready to leave and take down yet another person who was dangerous. Sofia watched as Liam said goodbye to Danielle, who was now holding a sleeping David. Louis was kissing Eleanor's stomach as she giggled into his shoulder. Ella and Niall were laughing about something, as he climbed into the car. Sean was promising Kate that he would make the guy pay hell, while Katie rolled her eyes and kissed him. Emily leaned against the garage next to Sofia, watching as Daisy tried to find a casual way to say goodbye to Danny.

"They are so cute," Emily said, "They just don't know it yet..."

"Are you telling me another two people in this god forsaken house is going to pair up?" Sofia scoffed, "Jesus Christ..."

"I think it's sweet..." Emily said, "Danny is so into her, but he doesn't want to give up his bachelor ways yet. But he will..."

"What makes you think Daisy wants to settle down? She's 17, she's young, and she shouldn't have to settle down. Especially not with Danny."

"What's wrong with Danny?" Zayn asked, as he approached the two girls, Sofia glared up at him.

"Didn't you once warn me against Danny?" Sofia scoffed, raising her eyebrows at Zayn.

"Well, that was you," Zayn said, shrugging, "And you're supposed to be with Harry. Who by the way, you should wish good luck before he goes
into this..."

"He doesn't need my luck," Sofia said, looking away from Zayn, "He's been doing just fine without my luck..."

"Who said he needed it?" Zayn asked, "But, he probably wants it." Before he turned to Emily, who was smiling up at him. It was enough to make Sofia want to gag.

"Don't stay up," Zayn said gently, "I'll be out late."

"You know I will," Emily said, smiling, "I'll see you when you get home."

"Okay," Zayn said, "Love you baby."

"Oh god, make it stop," Sofia groaned, walking away from the couple, and out of the garage. She heard Emily wish Zayn good luck, as she stepped back into the night air, her breath catching when she saw Harry with Bingly.

"See you when I get home boy," Harry said, before looking up, surprised to see Sofia.

"I think their almost ready," Sofia said, Harry nodded.

"Yeah, I should get in there," he said, and Sofia nodded. Harry didn't say anything as he walked by her. Sofia bit her lip, and found herself wishing that he wasn't going. And that she wasn't watching him go.

"Haz!" she called, spinning fast to face him, he turned and looked at her curiously.

"Um... I just... uh..." Sofia stumbled over her words, "You'll be fine."

"I know," he said with a grin, "I always am. I'll try not to wake you up when I get home..."

"Don't worry about that," Sofia said, before turning away from him.

"You're not gonna wish me luck?" he called after her, she turned to see hope in his green eyes.

"You just told me you knew you were going to be fine," she said, he grinned.

"Yes, but it would make me feel better," Harry said, "I've gone on enough raids without your luck over the last few months. You're here now – I don't have to do that anymore."

"Good luck Harry," Sofia said quickly, ignoring what he was really saying, and turning away from him and walking into the house.


***


While the other girls chose to wait for the boys to return in the living room like they always do, Sofia returned to her side of the house with Bingly. She didn't want to wait with them, she didn't want to see who returned or who didn't. She didn't want to hear the horror story when they came in, and she didn't want to look at their injuries if there were any. She just wanted to pretend like it wasn't happening, and like they weren't all putting themselves in danger again.

She tried to convince herself that she didn't care what happened, as she lay on her bed and pulled Bingly into her. She tried to tell herself that whatever happened to them, they chose because they went in there. She tried not to get worried or upset. She stopped herself several times from going down and joining the girls like she normally would. Usually being around them would calm her nerves, and she knew that her presence calmed theirs. But tonight she was convincing herself that she wasn't nervous and that she didn't care.

She wasn't sure how many hours had passed when Bingly hopped off the bed to greet Harry who had quietly opened the door to . She listened as Harry tried to shush the dog and greeted him quietly, probably trying not wake her. Sofia left the bed and walked quietly down the hallway. She heard Harry struggling to move around in the kitchen, as he quietly turned on the sink. Sofia flicked on the light, surprising him and the dog that was at his feet.

"Sorry," Harry said, "Did I wake you up? I was trying to be quiet..."

"No, you didn't," Sofia said, as she approached him in the kitchen. There was blood on his clothing and hands, there was a bruise on her face. Before she could stop herself she reached out and touched it with her hand, holding his face, which he leaned into.

"He wasn't alone, had some friends over," Harry explained, "It was more of a fight then we thought."

"You okay?" Sofia asked, looking for signs of other bruises and marks.

"I'm fine," Harry said, "You should go back to bed."

"No," Sofia said, shaking her head, "You should use the shower – our shower."

"It's okay, I can wash up in the sink, and I'll get the rest tomorrow," Harry said.

"Haz, just use the shower," Sofia said, annoyance in her voice, "I'll make you some tea."

"You don't have to do that," Harry said.

"I know I don't," Sofia said, "But I'm offering to. So, just let me make us some tea, and you go shower... you'll feel better once you shower."

"Are you sure?" Harry asked

"I'm positive," Sofia said, pushing him towards the hallway that led to their once shared room.

Sofia turned to the stove, putting the kettle on. She moved around the small kitchen, still as familiar with it as she was months ago. She moved with ease, as she pulled out the mugs that Harry and her had picked out, smiling to herself at the memory. She pulled out the tea, noticing that Harry was running low. She rolled her eyes. He never was good at keeping their kitchen up to date, she always had to do the shopping. She grabbed a pen, scribbling down on the pad of paper that was on the fridge that they needed more tea. She froze at her action, surprising herself. It had come so easy to her, to just write down that simple note. It was almost as though she hadn't left at all. She poured herself and Harry some tea, fixing it just the way they usually drank it, and then carried the mugs back into the bedroom.

Harry was throwing on a shirt as she walked in. He turned to her as she held the mugs in her hands.

"We can drink it in the living room," Harry said, glancing around the bedroom.

"We always drink our tea in bed," Sofia said quietly as she placed her tea down on the side table as she sat on the bed. Harry stood next to the bed awkwardly, not really sure of what to do.

"Well, get in," Sofia said, rolling her eyes.

"What?" Harry asked, confused.

"Harry, this is your bed too. I'm not going to make you sleep on the couch, especially after the night you just had," Sofia said, before pausing and adding, "Unless you really piss me off."

Harry laughed before he climbed into bed, careful to keep his distance, and grabbed his tea, sipping on it.

"Thanks for the tea," he said. Sofia shrugged, as though it was no big deal.

"So, tell me something..." Harry said, awkwardly, "About when you were gone."

Sofia sighed frustrated, before looking at him and opening her mouth to argue, but Harry stopped her.

"It doesn't have to be why you left, or about the anxiety, or the drugs, or anything intense," Harry said, "Just anything... tell me anything... I miss talking to you." Sofia looked away from him before she crawled under the covers, grabbing her tea again. She watched as Harry did the same, and then he looked at her expectedly.

"I was a waitress," Sofia said, "At this little whole in the wall café down the street from my flat." Harry raised his eyebrows in amusement, and Sofia could tell he was trying not to laugh.

"A waitress huh?" he said, she could hear a laugh ready to explode, "You?"

"It sounds as awful as it was," Sofia said, "I was shit at it." She said laughing, which gave Harry permission to laugh.

"I can't see you being very good with the customers," Harry said, "Or the serving of others."

"I wasn't," Sofia said, shaking her head and giggling, "My lip was always bleeding from me biting it so I didn't just explode..."

"Yeah, that I can see," Harry said. They laughed again, before settling into a silence. But it was awkward; it was comfortable as they both drank their tea.

"Did you miss me?" Harry asked, breaking the silence. Sofia turned and looked at him, his eyes gazing up into hers.

"I don't need to know why you left just yet," Harry said, "Or why you didn't come back. I don't need you to tell me that you love me or that you still want to be with me. I don't need for us to work everything out right now. I can wait for all that. I'll wait until your ready..."

"Harry..." Sofia said quietly, closing her eyes, and wishing he would just stop talking.

"But I need to know if you missed me. I need to know that I wasn't the only one feeling like I was in half," Harry said, Sofia's eyes snapped open and she looked at him again, biting her lip before sighing deeply.

"I missed you everyday," she said quietly. Harry nodded and let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding in as she said the words he needed to hear. Sofia finished the last of her tea.

"Liam wants you in the ring tomorrow," Harry said, as he layed down on the bed. Sofia groaned loudly, as she layed next to him.

"You'll be alright," Harry said, and she knew that he wasn't just talking about going into the ring tomorrow. It was the first time in months that someone told her she was going to be okay and she actually felt like they were telling the truth. She hated that it was coming from him; he would hate her if he knew. She hated that he was comforting her. She didn't deserve it. She didn't say anything as she shut off the light, lying still next to him. She flinched as she felt him reach for her hand, but allowed him to hold it. She looked over at him; she could still feel his eyes in the dark.

"You haven't slept much these past few months have you?" he asked gently.

"No," Sofia answered honestly, "Not unless I was really high..."

"That's what the drugs were for?" Harry asked, his voice still gentle but laced with concerned.

"Yeah," Sofia nodded, "They allowed me to have a dreamless sleep..."

"Why dreamless?" Harry asked

"Because then at least I knew I wouldn't have nightmares..." Sofia answered, again honestly. Harry didn't want to push his luck; she was letting him in, so he stopped asking questions.

"I know were not together right now," Harry said, "But we're friends. We'll always be friends... best friends. Right?"

"Yeah," Sofia said, so quietly Harry barely heard her.

"Well, I used to hold you when you couldn't sleep, way back when we were friends. You used to say it helped you sleep..."

"It did," Sofia said, her voice breaking a little.

"Well, why don't we try that?" Harry asked

"Harry, I don't want to lead you on..." Sofia whispered, "I don't ... I still don't want to be here..."

"I get that," Harry said, "You're not leading me on. But you're also not going anywhere. So, we might as well try and get you a good nights sleep while you're here ... right?" Sofia nodded, and Harry moved his arm, opening it up, so she could crawl into his body. She stared for a second, trying to resist it. Everything in her telling was her not to move towards him. But it was like she couldn't control her body; she was just pulled towards him. Suddenly she was lying on his chest, and his arm was wound tightly around her.

"Goodnight Sof," he said quietly, gently kissing the top of her head. It was so gentle, Sofia was almost sure he hadn't meant for her to feel it, but she did.

"Goodnight Haz," Sofia said, closing her eyes. She didn't expect sleep to come, it never did. But she was wrong. Sleep did come. And for the first time in months Sofia Payne slept soundly.