She's Not Afraid

"Go Dark Side"

It had been two weeks of normality. If it weren't the fact that utterly sore and exhausted at the end of the day because she was training so much, she would have forgotten that William Sikes had existed. He hadn't made a move, everyone was safe, no one had been approached. They had heard nothing since their encounter with James. And although, one would think that would bring calm to the home, it didn't. Everyone was on edge and nervous. The boys were scrambling to find any sign of him, but he was hidden as well as ever and they had no idea what his plan was.

For the last two weeks, Sofia had been struggling. She felt like she was playing two different people. When she was with Zayn or Niall, her head was in the game. They were finding new ways to keep her on the defense; they were giving her new guns or knives. Her strength and cardio was up, her mind was sharp, she was thinking ahead. She was well prepared for anything they through at her. But, being in that mode for hours at a time, caused anxiety and frustration. Being anxious helped keep her on her toes – it was rare that Zayn or Niall could trick her. And being frustrated and angry kept her strong – she put up one hell of a fight for every fight.

But when she came home, when she was with Harry and Birdie – she had to turn it off. She didn't talk to Harry about how she felt, because she didn't want to worry him. She also didn't want him to know how strong and powerful she felt when she was in the ring. She was trying to prove to him that the family they were creating was her number one priority, but she didn't know if it was anymore. She spent less time thinking about Harry and Birdie and more time thinking about how she could bring down Sikes.

When it came to Birdie, Sofia was scared to frighten her. Birdie hadn't seen Sofia fight, she hadn't seen Sofia frustrated. When Birdie was around, Sofia was light and happy and acted like everything was okay. But the constant switching was starting to take their tole on her. She was feeling the pressure from everyone. From Zayn and Niall to be the best fighter, from Harry to be on top of the family, from Liam to keep her head in the game. And from herself, she put herself under so much pressure. She couldn't drop the ball on any of it. She had to be on top of the game when it came to everything. It was starting to wear on her. It was like she was living two different lives – and she wasn't sure which one was the right one anymore. Because she felt strong and independent and powerful in the ring, it felt right fighting and taking Niall and Zayn down. But when she came home, and Birdie crawled into her lap to tell her about her day, or to show her her latest picture, that felt right too.

And Sofia wasn't the only one who was struggling. Harry was struggling too. He knew that she was keeping things from him, and he was frustrated that they had made no progress when it came to Sikes. And as much as he loved the time he spent with Sofia and Birdie, and as much as it felt right to him, he couldn't help but notice that Sofia wasn't always really present. Her head always seemed to be somewhere else – but she would never tell him where. She seemed more then willing to talk about their wedding, and Birdie, and finding a new apartment – but when it came to Sikes, she would shut down on him.

In the two weeks, they had become more and more comfortable with Birdie. There was a routine now. They ate breakfast together, before Sofia went off to training. Harry and Liam would track Sikes throughout the morning, trying to find new information – while Birdie would play. In the afternoon, Harry took her out – sometimes for lunch, or to the park if it was nice enough. They would always visit Sofia, and Birdie was becoming more and more comfortable with the gym. And then, usually Birdie was preoccupied with whichever adult was doting on her in the afternoon, while Harry worked out. By the time Sofia got home, they would all have dinner. And depending on if Harry had a job or not, they would spend the rest of the evening together, before giving her a bath, and putting her to bed. It all seemed fairly normal, which Harry enjoyed and appreciated.

But Birdie was a child, and she was beginning to push boundaries. And while Sofia seemed content to stay the child's friend, Harry was worried that if they didn't step in soon they would have an out of control four year old on their hands. Sofia didn't want to scare her, and while Harry agreed, he also didn't appreciate how bratty Birdie could be. He was having trouble getting her to follow directions, she would throw fits over the word no, and sometimes she was plain rude. Sofia would tell him it was normal behavior, and Harry agreed but he thought it was time to step up. Birdie was comfortable enough with them that he thought they could start taking on more of a parental role; he didn't think a little discipline would hurt the child.

"Where is Birdie?" Harry asked one morning, as Sofia rushed around getting her gym bag ready.

"She went downstairs to find Emily," Sofia said, throwing her dish in the sink.

"The living room is a mess," Harry said, "I told her she couldn't go anywhere until she picked up her toys..."

"Harry, she can pick them up later," Sofia said, not exactly hearing what he was saying as she filled up a water bottle.

Harry stepped in front of her, his face full of frustration.

"Sof, we have got to get on the same page when it comes to Birdie," Harry said

"What do you mean?" Sofia asked

"Sofia, she's pushing boundaries and at some point we are going to have to step in," Harry said

"So, step in, Harry," Sofia said, "I don't know what to tell you. She's being a normal four year old..."

"I understand that!" Harry snapped, "But yesterday she threw a fit in the diner because I wouldn't let her eat a cookie, last night she was rude to Danielle, she stomped her foot at Zayn the other day, and this morning she left without picking up her toys..."

"Okay..." Sofia said, seeing why he was so frustrated.

"And I get that you've been busy," Harry said, "But for the most part, I'm dealing with her. And quite frankly, I'm not thrilled with her behavior..."

"Harry, I can't talk about this right now..." Sofia said, "I have to go, we can talk about it later, okay?" Harry watched in frustration as she turned from him rushing out the door, sighing loudly.

Harry followed her a few minutes later, walking down the steps to find Birdie with Emily and Zayn. Zayn had her above his head, flying around the room as she squealed with joy.

"Little Bird," Harry said, his voice stern, causing Zayn to look at him. Zayn put the girl on the ground, and she ran over to Harry.

"Yes?" she said

"Did I ask you to clean up the toys in the living room this morning?"
Harry asked

"Yes," Birdie said, quietly, her eyes widening to innocent orbs.

"Then why are they still all over the floor?" Harry asked, getting down onto her level.

"I forgot," Birdie said

"Okay, well, go clean them up right now," Harry said, pointing up the stairs.

"But I'm busy!" Birdie whined

"I don't care," Harry said, "You either clean up those toys right now, or I'm locking in my closet and you won't be able to play with them for a few days!"

"That's not fair!" Birdie screeched, stomping her foot. IF Harry didn't know any better, he would say she was an exact replica of Sofia in a tinier body.

"Life isn't fair," Harry said, "I'm counting to 3. And if you aren't walking up those stairs, I'm taking the toys." Birdie glared up at him, causing Harry to feel slightly guilty on the inside, but he didn't back down.

"1...." He said, his voice hard. Birdie didn't say anything, she moved around him, stomping up the stairs.

"Quit stomping!" Harry called after her, "Or I'll cut your feet off!"

"No you won't!" Birdie called back, but Harry no longer heard the stomps.

Harry turned to look at Zayn and Emily, who were staring back at him with slight amusement.

"You alright?" Zayn asked

"Was I too harsh?" Harry asked, slightly relieved that Emily had decided to remove herself from the room.

"Are you kidding?" Zayn asked, "She's been a total brat lately, Haz..."

"She's driving me crazy," Harry said, "And Sofia is not helpful."

"Harry, you might have to step up on this one," Liam said, coming into the room, carrying David, "You've taken a lot of cues from Sofia – like when it comes to making Birdie feel safe, and you know, getting comfortable. But my sister doesn't know how to discipline – you might have to show her a few cues."

"You think I know what I'm doing?" Harry snapped, throwing his hands up.

"I think you helped me with Sofia," Liam said, "Harry, would you ever let your kid act like this?"

"No," Harry said, "Absolutely not."

"Kids push boundaries because they need to know that someone will be there to draw the line. She's only 4, but she knows what she's doing is wrong. But she's never had someone tell her that. You've treated her like your own up until this point, why stop now?" Liam asked, causing Harry to sigh.

"I don't envy you, bro," Zayn said, patting his shoulder, "But Liam's right."



***



Sofia didn't even think twice when Niall grabbed her from behind, she had already slipped out, twisting his arm, and pushing all her weight forward to push him onto the matt. With Niall on the floor, Sofia stepped on his chest, pointing the gun at his head, and grinned widely.

"Good job," Niall said, causing Sofia to get cocky. But, before she knew it, her foot on Nialls chest was being yanked, and she was hitting her head against the floor, as Niall sat up, looking down at her.

"Don't get too cocky with the moves," Niall said, "If you have him on the ground, you don't have to step on him... just point and shoot."

"Believe me Niall, if there were bullets in the gun," Sofia hissed, "I would've shot." Niall chuckled at her, reaching out his hand to help her up so they were both sitting on the matt.

"You want to tell me what's going on?" Niall asked, looking at Sofia, who furrowed her eyes in confusion.

"What do you mean?" Sofia asked

"You've been a bit off the last few days," Niall said

"I've beat the shit out of you the last few days," Sofia argued, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Yeah, but you've been in and out of it the last few days," Niall said.

"I guess I haven't gotten much sleep," Sofia said quietly, taking a sip of her water.

"Why's that?" Niall asked

"If I tell you something, do you promise not to say anything?" Sofia asked, looking over at him.

"I hate making that promise," Niall said

"I know, but I just don't want to worry anyone," Sofia said

"Alright, tell me," Niall said

"I've been having nightmares," Sofia said, "Like horrible, horrific, they seem real nightmares..."

"About what?"

"You guys. You're all dead. There's blood everywhere. It's awful," Sofia said.

"Sof... why haven't you said anything?" Niall asked, scooting towards her.

"Because it isn't real," Sofia said, "But it's not even like those are the worst parts of the nightmares..."

"There's more?" Niall asked

"Yeah, every night – one of you wakes up, like a zombie, and you sit up and you just repeat 'it's all your fault'" Sofia said, "Over and over and over, until I wake up..."

"Sofia, what the fuck?" Niall hissed, "Why haven't you told Harry?"

"Because I don't want him to worry," Sofia said, "Or any of you to worry. It's not real – it's just a nightmare..."

"But you aren't sleeping..." Niall said, "Are you?"

"No," Sofia said, shaking her head.

"And it's getting to you... the dreams..." Niall said. Sofia sighed deeply, looking over at him.

"If anything happened to you guys..." Sofia said

"It wouldn't be your fault," Niall said, "And nothings going to happen to us..."

"Niall, why hasn't he made a move?" Sofia asked, "Why haven't we heard from him? Why hasn't he tried to contact me?"

"I don't know," Niall said

"Doesn't that make you nervous?" Sofia asked, "It's like... I'm waiting for the disaster... and all I can do is wait for it..."

"You're thinking too much," Niall said, "So what? We haven't heard from him? It doesn't mean he's planning some big massacre..."

"It doesn't mean he's not..." Sofia said

"He's trying to get in your head," Niall said, "And you're letting him. And I won't let you go there – not in your head. So from now on, you have a nightmare and you don't want to go to Harry, come to me. Let me help you through this..."

"Niall, be honest with me..." Sofia said

"Okay," Niall agreed

"Do you think this whole thing is going to come down to me?" Sofia asked

"Yes," Niall said

"That's what I was afraid of," Sofia said, looking up as she heard the door open and Zayn was walking through.

"Do you think I can do it?" Sofia asked

"I think you have a good shot," Niall said, "But I think your head has to be completely in the game, and right now ... you're all over the place..."

"What's going on?" Zayn greeted, as he slid into the ring causing both Sofia and Niall to look up. Sofia glanced at Niall, waiting for him to spill but he just shook his head.

"Nothing man, did you bring food?" Niall asked

"No, but your girlfriend says she'll feed you when you get home," Zayn said, Niall jumped up and said goodbye leaving Zayn and Sofia by themselves.

"How'd it go with Niall?" Zayn asked

"Good," Sofia said, before she looked up Zayn.

"What?" he asked, confused

"I haven't been able to take you down yet," Sofia said, "You've been giving me 100% and I haven't been able to take you."

"So?" Zayn said, "We'll get there. It's not your fault I'm a beast..."

"This isn't funny," Sofia snapped, catching Zayn off guard.

"Sofia, you're getting stronger and better everyday," Zayn said, "It takes time..."

"I've lost my edge," Sofia said, standing up

"No you haven't!" Zayn growled, "Sof, you haven't lost your edge. You're just scared."

"Of what? You?" Sofia hissed

"No, of going there 100%" Zayn growled, "You have to go to a dark place to take me down in a fight, you have to get violent and ugly, and you haven't yet... because you're scared...."

"What are you on about?" Sofia snapped, turning away from him.

"James was right, we did de-program you a bit. We taught you how to care and we taught you how to love," Zayn said, Sofia turned around to face him, "You were cold, Sofia. And you didn't give a shit about anything. You were trained to win – no matter what. And we fixed that. And I don't regret it, because it made you a better human and better friend and a better sister. But, it took away from your fighting..."

"What are you saying?" Sofia asked

"I'm saying, that Harry isn't here. Birdie isn't here. You're trying to prove to everyone that you are this new and improved Sofia who can be a wife and mom, and you can be! I know you can be! But when were here, and when were training – you can't about what Harry would think if he saw you, or if Birdie would be scared. You have to turn it off, Sofia..." Zayn said

"Turn it off?" Sofia asked, quietly

"You're emotions. This is life or death, Sofia. He's gonna die or you're gonna die. And right now, you're emotions are keeping you back. So turn them off, go dark side."

"You want me to revert back to old Sofia?"

"Yeah, old Sofia didn't care about anything but winning," Zayn said, shrugging, "And I want you win."

"That's asking a lot, Zayn," Sofia said, "I'd be tapping into a lot of my dad..."

"I'm not saying make the change everywhere, Sofia," Zayn said, gently, "I'm saying here. With no one around. Show me how cold you can be, because you being mummy of the year isn't going to put William Sikes in his grave."



***



"Sorry about your eye," Sofia said, looking over at Zayn who now had a bruise forming under his eye, as they walked up to the house.

"It's fine," Zayn snapped, his jaw locked in a scowl, "I guess my pep
talk worked."

"Yeah, but I still didn't mean to hurt you.." Sofia said, as she opened the door to the kitchen.

"It didn't hurt!" Zayn hissed, walking in behind her. Both stopped
when they saw worried looks on Danielle and Liams face.

"What's the matter?" Sofia asked, "Everything okay?"

"Sofia, there was a incident..." Danielle said

"Where's Harry? And Birdie?" Sofia asked, getting worried as she looked around the kitchen.

"Um, actually, that's what I wanted to talk to you about..." Danielle said

"What's going on?" Sofia asked

"You should probably talk to Harry, I think he's up with Louis..." Liam
said, "He got into it with Birdie today..."

"And where is she?" Sofia hissed

"I believe she's in her room..." Liam said quietly

"Why?" Sofia growled

"Because Harry yelled at her," Danielle said, "And she got upset especially after he threatened to spank her...."

"HE WHAT?" Sofia barked, before storming past them all and through the house to her part of the house. Storming into the apartment she shared with Harry, she found him at the counter with Louis talking to him softly.

"Out!" she snapped, pointing at Louis

"Sof, before you go off... let me explain...." Harry said, standing up, as Louis made his way to the door.

"Is she okay?" Sofia snapped, making her way towards Birdies

"She's fine!" Harry hissed, grabbing Sofia, "Leave her. She's being punished. And you will not go in there and make me look like the bad guy. We have to be on the same page."

"Well, we aren't!" Sofia hissed, ripping her arm away from him, and storming into their bedroom, "Because I don't ever remember discussing threatening her as punishment!"

"I didn't threaten her!" Harry growled, following her into the bedroom, and closing the door behind him.

"Did you say you would spank her?" Sofia snapped, turning towards him, her eyes red with anger.

"Yes," Harry said, "And that wasn't a threat. That's a promise. I told her that if she ever put herself in danger again, she would absolutely be taking a trip over my knee..."

"What? Danger?" Sofia asked, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Maybe if you let me explain instead of storming in here and tearing my head off," Harry growled

"Well, explain!" Sofia yelled

"I have told her a million times she is not to go near the stove when it's on, and today I walked into the kitchen and Danielle had her back turned, and Birdie was reaching for the pot on the stove. I pulled her away just in time, Sofia!" Harry snapped, "She scared the hell out of me...."

"So then what happened?" Sofia asked

"I brought her up here, and I sat her on the couch. I told her that she had to start following the rules, or there would be consequences. I told her I was angry because I cared about her. And then I told her that if she ever went near the stove again while it was on, I would spank her."

"Harry, what were you thinking? This is an abused child we're talking about!" Sofia hissed

"Sofia, you asked me to treat her like she was my own!" Harry snapped, "And guess what? Our kids will not be spoiled brats and I will not tolerate them doing dangerous things! It's not happening!"

"So the solution is beating them?!" Sofia yelled

"You know damn well there's a difference between beating a child and disciplining them!" Harry yelled, "And you know that I know the difference!"

"You could've talked to me!" Sofia shrieked

"YOU WERENT HERE!" Harry yelled, "I WENT ON INSTINCT!"

"And what did she do?" Sofia hissed

"She threw a tantrum, she started kicking and screaming and telling me how unfair I was and how she didn't like me and that I was mean...." Harry said, his jaw locked

"And?"

"And then I put her in her room and told her she could come out when her attitude changed," Harry said

"She was being a real brat huh?" Sofia asked, her voice soft.

"Yes," Harry said, nodding, "And I'm all for taking away toys, and time outs! But Sofia, she could've been seriously hurt and she's been told before. We need to create boundaries. And she needs to know who is in charge. And if that makes me the bad guy, fine. I'll be the bad guy. But my job is to protect her and we can't be her friends anymore, Sofia. We have to be parents, and sometimes that means doing things we don't want to do. I didn't want to yell at her, I didn't want to threaten her; I didn't want to put her in her room. But I'll be damned if I raise a brat who has no boundaries."

"You're right," Sofia sighed, "I just... she's been through a lot, Harry. She's been beaten before."

"I would never beat that child," Harry said, "But we can't use her past an excuse anymore, Sofia."

"Okay," Sofia said, nodding. She sat on the edge of her bed and looked up at Harry.

"You alright?" she asked

"She hates me right now," Harry said, his voice a bit sad.

"Aw, babe," Sofia said, holding her arms out to him, Harry sat beside her sighing, "She'll get over it. We'll both talk to her. I'm sorry if you've felt like the only one in this..."

"I just think we've had her long enough that it's time to stop being
friends and start parents. I want her to be ours, Sofia..." Harry said, "And that means we have to come together on some things."

"You're right, and we will," Sofia said.


***


Zayn was on the front porch taking a drag of the cigarette when the door opened, and a little body came out – pulling a bag along with her. Zayn watched in slight amusement as Birdie tugged at the bag, before reaching back and closing the door. She had no idea he was standing there.

"And where do you think you're going?" Zayn asked, surprising the child. She looked up at him in shock, before her face turned to a scowl.

"I'm running away," Birdie said

"Oh yeah?" Zayn asked, "Where you going?"

"Somewhere," Birdie answered

"Why?" Zayn asked, taking a seat on the porch steps as he continued to look at the child.

"Harry hates me," Birdie said

"I think you're wrong," Zayn said, motioning the child to come sit next to him, "But why do you say that?"

"He yelled at me today," Birdie said, "And he punished me."

"Well, what did you do?" Zayn asked, smiling slightly as her eyebrows furrowed

"A lot," Birdie said, "I didn't pick up my toys, and I tried to touch the hot pot, and I yelled at him. He said I was being a brat."

"Sounds like you were," Zayn said quietly, causing Birdie's lips to tremble.

"What if he wants to get rid of me now? He was so mad at me, he hates me!" Birdie cried, looking up at Zayn.

"No, you don't yell at people you hate," Zayn said, reaching out and picking the child up and placing her on his lap, "Harry got mad because he loves you babe, and he wants the best for you. And his job is to look out for you, even if you don't like it..."

"I don't like it!" Birdie cried, "He said he would spank me next time, he's mean!"

"Harry's not mean, babe," Zayn said, chuckling lightly, "And he would never hurt you. I bet it upset him just as much as it upset you. But if you break the rules, there are consequences..."

"Why?" Birdie asked

"Because. When you love someone, you want them to be the best they can be. And you want them to be safe. And you want to make sure that they are doing what they're supposed to. And sometimes, you have to remind them..." Zayn said, "Harry's just looking out for you."

"Do you think he'll still want to look out for me?" Birdie asked, quietly, looking up at Zayn, "He was really mad."

"You know who else Harry gets mad at?" Zayn asked

"Who?"

"Sofia," Zayn said, "And he still looks out for her. And he's gotten mad at me, and he still looks out for me. That's family, babe. No matter how mad we get, we look out for each other..."

"Birdie!" a voice cried, and Birdie and Zayn turned to see a frantic Sofia and Harry flying out onto the porch.

"Oh my god," Sofia sighed, grabbing her heart, "What were you thinking young lady?!" Sofia grabbed Birdie, pulling her tightly to her chest, "You scared me!"

"Sorry," Birdie said quietly, glancing up at Harry, who looked just as frustrated as he had the last time she saw him.

"Birdie, you can't just disappear like that," Harry said, his voice stern, "And I thought I told you not to leave your room." Birdie shrunk back at the tone of his voice.

"She was trying to run away," Zayn said, standing up, raising his eyebrows, "Thought you didn't want her anymore..." Zayn quietly left the porch, leaving the three of them to themselves.

"You thought I we didn't want you anymore?" Sofia asked, her voice soft, as she sat down on the porch steps, Harry sitting down next to her.

"I was a brat," Birdie said, looking at Sofia.

"Yeah, I heard it was a rough day," Sofia said, pushing Birdies hair out of her eyes.

"Harry got really mad at me," Birdie said

"Did you deserve it?" Sofia asked her quietly

"Yes," Birdie said, nodding her head. She glanced at Harry, who was smiling softly.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," Harry said, "But, you were misbehaving and that's not okay..." Birdie looked up at Sofia.

"Sorry kiddo, he's right," Sofia said, shrugging, "We gotta set some rules, and you have to follow them. And when you don't – there will be punishments. But, we only do it because –"

"You care," Birdie said, "I know, Uncle Zayn told me." Sofia and Harry both laughed.

"We love you, Birdie," Sofia said gently, "And because we love you we want to keep you safe and sweet and good."

"So you don't want to get rid of me even though I was being bratty?" Birdie asked, looking at Harry.

Harry picked up the child and looked at her seriously, "Look, Little Bird. It doesn't matter how many times you get bratty or how many times we have to correct you, we will never want to get rid of you. Okay?"

"Okay," Birdie said, sighing in relief.

"Can you apologize to Harry?" Sofia asked, looking at the child.

"I'm sorry," Birdie said, looking up at Harry who smiled at her. He gave her a small wink, and kissed the top of her head.

"It's alright, love," Harry said, "Tomorrows a new day."

"And for the record," Sofia said, "If you ever try and run away again, you won't have to worry about Harry – I'll spank you." Birdies eyes widened at Sofia, who was looking at her sternly.

"Sorry," Birdie chirped out, causing Sofia and Harry both to laugh.

"Alright, ladies," Harry said, standing up with the child in his arms, "What do you say we head to bed?"