She's Not Afraid

"On The Road To Self Destruction"

Sofia had been very quiet since the hospital two days ago, but everyone had been quiet. When they weren't at the hospital waiting for a change in Zayn, or making plans to burry Daisy and Danny, they were home and they were quiet. There was a sadness in the house since the accident, a loss that no one really knew what to do about. It wasn't uncommon for someone to just start crying at random moments. But, Sofia hadn't cried. Not since she had sat with Daisy. She was just quiet.

Her mind hadn't stopped running since that night. She knew exactly what was next, and she couldn't quiet any of the voices in her head. The ones that were making plans, the ones that were mourning, the ones that were trying to convince her not to do it, the ones that were screaming for help. She couldn't silence them, and she didn't try too. She just listened to them, hoping that eventually, after everything was said and done they would silence themselves.

"She needs to sleep," Harry said quietly, as he watched her in the living room with Louis. Birdie was on the floor with David, as Eleanor rocked Leo. Sofia didn't seem to be paying attention to anyone or any of it, she was just sitting there, looking spaced out. She had this far off look in her eyes, like she wasn't even there.

"She hasn't slept since we left Greece," Harry said, looking at Louis, "She just sits in bed. The lack of sleep is going to drive her crazy. I'm worried – she's been quiet. Too quiet."

"I think she's going to drive herself crazy, this is typical Sofia breakdown behavior, except usually she's louder," Louis said, as Liam came up behind them.

"Are we worrying about Sofia?" Liam asked, both boys nodded.

"Have you tried talking to her?" Louis asked Harry, and Harry nodded.

"Of course I have, but she won't let me," Harry said, "She just says she's fine, and walks away. It's like she's afraid to let me in, almost like she's hiding something..."

"She doesn't look fine, but I don't think she's hiding anything either, just her feelings," Liam said, "Maybe we should just force her to talk about everything. She's got to have some feelings about this whole thing, I say we force them out of her..."

"Because forcing Sofia to do anything is always a good idea," Louis said, but followed Liam and Harry into the living room. Harry was mumbling about how she just needed to sleep before she could talk.
They all sat on the couch, but Sofia didn't even acknowledge that they were there. She just stared blankly at the floor.

"Mummy!" Birdie cried out suddenly, snapping Sofia from whatever thoughts she was in. Birdie climbed onto Sofia's lap, looking at her with wide innocent eyes.

"Are you still sad?" Birdie asked, the question catching Sofia off guard.

"What?" Sofia asked

"Daddy said that Aunt Daisy and Uncle Danny had to go away," Birdie said, "And that made you sad..." Sofia glanced at Harry, who was looking at the two of them intensely. He waited for her to answer; she was unaware that he had talked to Birdie. But Birdie noticed the change in her too, and he had to give her some explanation.

"Yes," Sofia said quietly, "I guess I'm a little sad."

"Where did they go, mummy?" Birdie asked, "Didn't they want to live here anymore?"

"Birdie..." Harry tried to warn her, afraid she would upset Sofia, or push Sofia over the edge she was so clearly walking, but Sofia hushed him, pulling Birdie closer to her. She placed a gentle kiss on Birdies head, before sighing deeply, thinking about how best to answer this for a four year old. She was 19 and didn't understand death, how could she make Birdie understand it?

"Sometimes, peoples bodies shut down and they don't work anymore," Sofia said quietly, "And that's what happened to Daisy and Danny, their bodies stopped working..."

"What happens then?"

"Then you go to heaven," Sofia said, "And you're in a better place, and you play on the clouds..."

"Is Uncle Zayn going to heaven too?" Birdie asked, innocently, making everyone stare. Harry held his breath, this was it. Sofia was going to loose it in this moment. Sofia shut her eyes, as though she were in pain, breathing deeply.

"I don't know," Sofia said, quietly, before removing Birdie from her lap and standing up quickly.

"Where are you going?" Harry asked, standing up with her, a look of concern on his face.

"I'm going to go for a run," Sofia said, "I just need to get changed."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Harry said, but it was too late, Sofia was already out of the room.

After getting changed, Sofia was back in the kitchen ready to go. She
saw the concern on Harry and Liam's face, but she ignored it as she reached for the back door.

"Sofia, please, you're so tired..." Harry said quietly, trying to stop her, "Let's just go lay down. We can take a nap." She ignored him, as she walked out the door and towards the driveway.

"Took you long enough," Louis said, standing there in running clothes.

"What are you doing?" Sofia asked, as he handed her a water bottle.

"I'm going with you," Louis shrugged, "I could use a run."

"I'd rather be alone," Sofia argued

"I know," Louis said, "And that's why I'm going with you." He gave her a knowing look, and Sofia realized he wasn't going anywhere. So she just took off down the driveway, hoping to loose him, but he was right behind her.

"You know, maybe you should stop trying to run from your feelings," Louis said, running beside her, "Maybe you should just face them for once. Maybe that would help."

Sofia didn't say anything, she just pushed harder to get away from him, but Louis pushed forward too.

"Everything sucks," Louis said, "I get that. But running isn't going to do anything. You need to sleep, you need to talk, and you need to feel." Sofia continued to ignore him, as she rounded a corner.

"You're upsetting Harry, he's worried about you," Louis said, "I'm worried about you. You're going to make yourself sick if you keep this up. You need to take care of yourself, Sofia. We need you. We can't loose anyone else." Sofia came to a sudden halt, glaring at Louis. That last sentence made everything in her go cold, and she just wanted to hit him. She took a few giant gulps of her water before turning on him.

"Leave me alone, Lou!" she snapped, "If you just came to harass me, I don't need it. Turn around and go home!"

"That's not happening," Louis said, shrugging, as Sofia walked from him, chugging her water, "Zayn would be murderous if he realized this is how you were handling things, he would lay into you. You know he would! He wouldn't stand for your bullshit."

"ZAYN ISNT HERE, IS HE?!" Sofia screamed, before throwing the empty water bottle at Louis, who dodged it.

"Don't throw things at me, Sofia," he warned, "I have no problem reminding you of how to act like an adult. You don't need to start a fight you can't finish."

"Oh pease, Louis," Sofia hissed, rolling her eyes, "I'm not scared of you."

"Or I'll just get Harry," he suggested. Sofia stopped, but shook her head at him, before turning and walking down the road. Louis followed her, eying her carefully.

"You're so –" she started to say, "You're so – so –"

"So what?" he asked

"Annoying!" she said, spinning towards him. But she moved too fast, loosing her balance and falling. Louis stepped forward to catch her just in time.

"What did you do to my drink?" she hissed, as she felt her head get heavier.

"I drugged it," Louis said, causing Sofia to let out an annoyed scream.

"It's time for you to shut off whatever is going on in your head, and get some sleep," he said quietly, as Sofia collapsed into him. He lifted her bridal style, and carried her back down the road towards the house.

"I hate you," she mumbled, "You're such a twat."

"Stop fighting the sleep," Louis said, "Just let the drugs do their job."

"I can't believe you –" Sofia started to say, but suddenly she was quiet, her head against his chest, and Louis knew she was asleep. He knew that he was carrying a 19 year old Sofia back into the house, but in a lot of ways he felt like she was 8 and tired after a long day, and it was his job to carry her back.

"What happened?" Harry barked, standing up when Louis walked in with Sofia.

"Nothing," Louis said, "I just drugged her so she would sleep."

"You did what?!" Harry cried, "Lou! You can't just drug my wife!"

"You wanted her to sleep right?!"

"Well, yes," Harry said

"Well, she's sleeping," Louis said, walking past him and towards their side of the house.

Harry put Sofia to bed, with Louis help. Harry knew it was wrong to drug her, but hoped that the sleep would bring her some peace. He was silently hoping the drugs wouldn't ware off anytime soon. And they didn't, Sofia slept the rest of the day, into the night, only to wake the next morning.

"I'm worried, Lou," Harry said quietly, "She doesn't know handle stuff like this."

"I know," Louis agreed, "But we all have our eye on her, we'll make sure she's okay."


***


"Are we ready?" Louis asked everyone the next morning; Sofia sent him a pointed glare.

"What about you sleeping beauty?" he asked, smiling down at her, "Are you ready?"

"I'm ready to punch you in the face," Sofia mumbled, causing Louis to laugh loudly, before picking up Leo's car seat and grabbing Eleanor's hand, and walking out the door. Danielle and Liam were right behind them, with Ella, Niall, and Emily behind them. Harry was on his knees, helping Birdie get into her jacket, as Sofia pulled at her black dress.

"Okay, you're good to go little Bird," Harry said, lifting her up, and putting her on his hip. He looked at Sofia who looked rested, but just as out of it, like the world rested on her shoulders.

"You ready?" he asked, quietly.

"Is anyone ever ready for this?" Sofia asked. He sighed, wrapping his arm around her, and walking out of the house.

They arrived at the church, and quietly took their seats in the front. Sofia looked at the two closed caskets in the front, and stared ahead as the boys got up to greet people who were coming in. Sofia had Birdie on her lap, who kept reaching over to play with Leo. Emily sat on Sofia's other side, wiping tears every once in awhile from her face.

The service was short, the preacher saying all the right things. Liam got up and talked for a few minutes about both Daisy and Danny and how they would be missed, but how he was glad they went together. Every once in awhile, Eleanor or Danielle would let out a tiny sob, to be comforted by Liam or Louis. Emily and Ella consistently cried throughout the whole thing, going through tissue after tissue. Harry kept his arm firmly wrapped around Sofia, who looked straight ahead the entire time, and didn't make a sound.

When they got to the cemetery to bury the bodies, little Daisy's were given out to be placed on the casket. As Sofia was handed hers, her breath caught. She stared at the flower and swallowed hard, Harry stopped and put his hand on her back.

"You alright?" he whispered, and she nodded quietly, even though he knew that she wasn't.

As they stood by the casket, the preacher saying a few last generic nice things that made Sofia want to scream. And then, a woman from the church began to sing Amazing Grace, as they placed flowers on the casket. From the beginning notes, another round of sobs started, causing Sofia to cringe. But then she felt something in her stomach, a desire that she couldn't control. She quickly covered her mouth, turning from the gravesite, and walking away as fast as she could. Finding a bench to sit on, she covered her head in her hands, and tried to control the laughter that was bubbling within her.

"Sof?" she heard her brother ask, his voice laced with concern. She looked up at him, the laughter spilling out of her mouth, and catching him by surprise.

"Are you okay?" he asked unsure, as the other started to walk their way. Sofia burst into another fit of laughter. Tears were streaming down her face as she laughed.

"She's finally lost it," Niall mumbled, which caused Sofia to laugh harder. Harry approached her, bending down in front of her, his green eyes meeting her blue ones.

"Sofia, what is the matter with you?" he asked, she laughed again, shaking her head.

"Just the idea of Danny in heaven," she said, laughing. Everyone was quiet, watching her as she laughed.

"What?" Emily finally asked, and Sofia looked up at her.

"I mean, Daisy I can see. You know? She was sweet and quiet and innocent. But Danny? Without a bar or a club or strippers or dancers or fights? What the hell is he gonna do up there?" She burst into another loud fit of laughter, and everyone continued to stare at her. She buried her head back into her hands, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Did he even get into heaven?" Sofia asked, "Are any of us actually going to go to heaven?" She chuckled lightly again.

"Sofia, it's okay to miss them," Harry said quietly, "It's okay to be upset."

Sofia looked back up at him, and shook her head. She had stopped laughing just as fast as she had started. Suddenly, there was nothing funny about this situation. She was quiet, and aware of everyone's eyes on her.

"I'm just tired," she said, and everyone knew that she wasn't talking about lack of sleep. Harry grabbed her hand, hoping that she would be ready to talk, but instead she just sighed, pulling her hand from his.

"Mummy!" Birdie cried, as she ran ahead of Danielle, who was chasing after her.

"Yeah baby?" Sofia asked, the exhaustion clear in her voice.

"Aunt Danielle says I can go with her and Aunt Eleanor for ice cream, is that okay? Uncle Niall is coming too!" Birdie cried in excitement.

"Sure, love," Sofia agreed, before kissing her goodbye. She watched as Danielle and Eleanor walked with the 3 children, leaving everyone else behind.

"We're going to go to the hospital," Liam said, "To go see Zayn."

"Will you come?" Emily asked Sofia.

"No," Sofia said, shaking her head, and standing up fast.

"Sofia, please..." Emily asked, "I think he would really –"

"He's not there, Em!" Sofia barked

"Sofia!" Niall scolded

"He's not, that isn't Zayn!" Sofia snapped, "And I'm not going to go and talk to someone who is basically a corpse. It's not going to do anything, away."

"Enough, Sofia," Harry growled, grabbing her.

"I just think that if he heard your voice, the doctors say he can hear everything..." Emily said quietly, "You're supposed to be his best friend... his sister..."

"Yeah, well," Sofia said, quietly, "His sister is the reason he's lying in that bed. So excuse me if I'm not ready to face that quite yet." She walked away from all of them, towards Harry's car.

"I'll take her home and meet you guys there," Harry said.

"See if you can get anything out of her," Liam said, "Something's not right. The guilt is eating her alive."

"I'm going go with the girls," Niall said, "Then I'll take them home and meet you guys there too."


***


"That's a good thing right?" Emily said, as she approached the house with the boys.

"It's a really good thing, Em," Liam said, "If his brain swelling is going down, it means he could wake up soon..."

"It's just so hard to see him," Emily said, but she stopped suddenly on the porch, the boys followed her eyes. They saw Sofia sitting there, drinking right out of a bottle. They didn't have to look hard to see that it was an alcohol bottle, and that she was intoxicated. Harry sighed deeply.

"Damn it," Liam mumbled.

"Why don't you go inside, Emily? Get some tea?" Niall suggested, and Emily did just that.

The four boys approached Sofia, who took another drink out of the bottle, which they now realized was a bottle of Jack. All of them had their own thoughts of disappointment and anger as they watched her.

Sofia looked up at the four of them, her eyes glazed over from being drunk.

"Is he awake?" she slurred, "Did she kiss him? I heard true loves kiss can do that sometimes..."

"Enough, Sofia," Harry growled, she rolled her eyes, putting the bottle to her lips, but he grabbed the bottle.

"I said enough," he barked, but she wouldn't let go of the bottle, as he tried to pull it away.

"Let go before I make you let go," he warned her, and she let out a breathy laugh.

"What's so funny about this?" Harry growled, trying to yank the bottle away, but she still wouldn't let go.

"Sofia, you're drunk, it's look like you drank most of the bottle, just let go," Niall said, grabbing her arm. She shook him off, and in the process, Harry was able to get the bottle. Sofia sat back in the chair, letting the alcohol pulse through her. For the first time in days, she couldn't feel anything, because the alcohol had killed it.

"It's freezing out here," Liam said, "Why don't we go inside and get you warmed up and get you some water?"

"Why don't we not?" Sofia snapped back, "Besides, I don't feel anything."

"Sofia, come on..." Louis said quietly.

"Where's Birdie?" Harry barked, he wasn't like the others, he wasn't sympathetic, he was angry, "Has she seen you like this?"

"She's asleep," Sofia said, trying to look up at him, but her head hitting the back of the chair, because it was so heavy.

"Get up," Harry barked, "We'll stay in the pool house tonight, I don't need you waking her up."

"Go away," Sofia mumbled.

"GET. UP!" Harry barked again, trying to yank her from the chair, but Sofia pulled back, stumbling a bit, and falling into Liam's arms. He grabbed his sister, forcing her to face him.

"I get it, you're angry. You're upset. You're hurt. You're scared," Liam said, "But this isn't the way to deal with it. You can't go blaming yourself."

"You know, I was blaming myself," Sofia said, her voice harsh, her words slurred together, "But the more I drank, the clearer things got."

"That's not usually how it works," Niall commented.

"This isn't my fault," Sofia spat, ignoring Niall, "This is your fault! I wanted to give myself up. I wanted to handle this my way. You wouldn't let me. So, Zayn, and Daisy, and Danny. That's blood your hands, not mine!"

She turned to walk away, but Liam grabbed her elbow. Sofia didn't know if it was the anger, or the alcohol, or if she had just had enough of people telling her what to do. Maybe it was all of it, or maybe she just wasn't thinking at all. It happened so fast; she couldn't believe she had actually swung until she looked back on it years later. But swing she did, she swung hard, her first tight, ready to connect with her brother's face. But before she could connect, Harry had reached out and grabbed her fist, his own hand tightening around it. Sofia hissed in pain.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?" he growled, stepping in between her and Liam, pushing her back, so she was against the porch. She looked past him, at Liam who looked murderous, "I know you didn't just try and hit him."

"Fuck off," she spat out. Harry squeezed her hand tighter, making her groan in pain, and he pushed her to the ground, her knees buckling under her, and so he was towering above her, and she was on her knees.

"Careful, Sofia," he hissed, "I'm already pissed, don't push it."

"Harry, you're hurting her," Louis said quietly, "You're going to break her hand." Harry released her hand immediately.

"Get up," he said, his voice cold and calm, Sofia didn't say anything. She just sat on the ground of the porch, looking at the ground. She was still so drunk, and she just wanted to fight.

"If I have to tell you again, Sofia," Harry barked, "I promise you, you will regret it." Again, she didn't move. So, Harry reached down, dragging her up by her arm. She shoved him off of her, and he stumbled backwards, his eyes flashing with anger.

"I hate you," she hissed, as she tried to stumble past him, but he grabbed her, slamming her into the wall.

"Say it again," Harry growled, his blood running cold from her words, he pushed his body so it was pressed against hers, "I fucking dare you." She didn't say anything, as she tried to push him off of her, but he was too strong.

"I've got this from here," Harry said to the other boys, his eyes not leaving Sofia's. The three boys walked into the house, leaving the fight between Harry and Sofia.

"Now, you can either walk to the pool house, or I can drag you there," Harry spat at her, "Either way, that's where you're going."

"I'm so sick of you telling me what to do," Sofia growled, she pushed him hard, walking down the porch steps, he was following right behind her.

"THIS IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT!" she screamed, as she pushed into the pool house door, Harry slamming it behind them both, "I TOLD YOU I SHOULD'VE GONE IN! AND YOU WOULDN'T LET ME!"

"You better stop screaming at me," Harry growled, "Of course I wouldn't let you go in, you wouldn't have come out alive!"

"WHO CARES?!" Sofia screamed, shoving him hard, "WHO FUCKING CARES?! DAISY WOULD BE ALIVE! DANNY WOULD BE ALIVE! ZAYN WOULD BE AWAKE! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!"

She stepped back, Harry was panting in anger as he felt her words. She had tears of anger streaming down her face, unsteady on her feet from all the alcohol.

"I'm about to lay into you," Harry hissed, "So if you know what's best, you better shut your fucking mouth, and sleep this off --" Sofia growled, before her hand connected with his cheek. Harry's head snapped to the side, he paused for a second, and Sofia turned to walk from him. But, he wasn't in shock for too long, and soon he was tackling her on to the bed. She struggled beneath him, but he was too strong, as he pinned her arms above her head.

"You must be looking for me to beat the shit out of you tonight," Harry growled, Sofia didn't say anything; she just continued to try and get him off of her.

"STOP STRUGGLING!" he yelled, she cringed at how loud he was, but she stopped moving. She could hear it in his voice, he was going to win tonight. She looked up at him; his eyes were black with rage. She had pushed him over his edge, and there was no going back.

"You are fucking loosing it," he growled, his face inches from her, "You're making yourself crazy because you are allowing the guilt and the rage and the sadness to eat you up. Instead of dealing with it, you're running from it and you're drinking it away." His voice was low and dangerous, "And guess what? That doesn't fucking work with me."

"You don't know anything," she hissed, but her face snapped to the side when Harry hit her hard. She was in shock, but it snapped her out of her alcohol-induced state. He hadn't hit her like that in a long time. She looked up at him, his eyes serious and his jaw locked in anger.

"Don't fucking talk," he spat, "You are on the road to self destruction and I'll be damned if I sit back and watch." He pulled her up, still having both her wrists in his hand.

"Now this is how this is going to go," he growled, standing up and pulling her up with him, asserting his dominance, "I'm going to go make you tea, and calm down. And then you're going to sober up. And then I'm going to make sure that you remember exactly who is in charge here, and then we're going to bed. Do you understand me?"

Sofia didn't say anything, she just stared straight ahead. Harry shook her roughly, causing her to yell out.

"STOP IT!" she cried out

"YOU STOP IT!" he cried, "YOU'RE SCARING ME! YOU'RE SCARING THE HELL OUT OF ME! YOU FUCKING STOP IT!" He pushed her, and her head
connected with the wall, before he boxed her in.

"Drinking a bottle of Jack? Trying to hit Liam? Hitting me?" Harry barked, "What were you thinking tonight? Huh? What if Birdie had seen you like this?! YOU CAN'T BE THIS SELFISH ANYMORE, SOFIA!"

"I'M NOT BEING SELFISH!" Sofia screamed.

"YOU ARE!" Harry yelled, grabbing her hard, "YOU ARE BEING SELFISH! WHEN YOU GET SELF DESTRUCTIVE, IT'S SELFISH! WE'VE LOST ENOUGH THIS WEEK! I AM NOT ABOUT TO LOSE YOU TOO!"

Sofia stopped moving. He was going to loose her, though. Her plan had been to get him so angry that it wouldn't hurt as much. Her plan had been to make him so angry, that he would loose it. But she realized what she was going to do was going to hurt him more then anything she had ever done. She just stared at him, his chest still rising and falling in anger. His eyes still dark.

"Are we clear?" he asked, his voice low again and she nodded, because it was all she could do at this point.

"The only words that are to come out of your mouth for the rest of the night are 'yes sir' or 'no sir,'" Harry growled, making it clear that he was in charge, and they were playing by his rules, "Do you understand?" Sofia realized that her night wasn't anywhere near to over.

"Yes," she said, "sir." She added quickly, when she saw his eyes flash with anger. The truth was, when he got like this, her instinct was to be submissive. Not because she was weak, but because she was wrong. She knew in her heart he would never be this worked up if she wasn't wrong. She acted out, so he could bring her back.

"You should be black and blue by now," Harry growled, "You know that right? That the stunt you pulled back there with Liam, I should have beaten you right then and there."

"Yes sir," she answered again.

"Go sit down," he growled at her, pointing to the table in the pool house, "While I calm down and figure out what the fuck I'm supposed to do with you."

Before Harry could do anything, there was a knock at the door and Liam came walking in. Sofia looked at her brother who looked just as angry as Harry.

"Looks like you've calmed down a bit," Liam growled.

"Liam –" Sofia began to say

"WHAT DID I TELL YOU?" Harry yelled, making her jump, "YES SIR. NO SIR."

Sofia didn't say anything, and Liam smirked, "Looks like you've remembered who the fuck is in charge around here." He sat down across from her.

"If you ever swing at me again, Harry will be the least of your worries, do you understand me?" Liam growled. He raised his eyebrows.

"Yes sir," she said quietly.

"I know this week has been hard, and I know you're feeling things that the rest of aren't," Liam said, "But we will get him. I promise. He won't get away with this. But you need to remember who the hell who are and get your head in the fucking game. You also need to remember who you belong to, and who you answer too. I've killed people for less then what you did back there, you know that."

Sofia listened to Liam speak, and desperately wanted to tell him everything she knew. Everything that was going to happen. Everything, she wanted to tell him everything. But instead she swallowed hard and said nothing.

"You!" Liam barked at Harry, "I don't care how you do it, you just make sure that she regrets her stupidity tonight. Are we clear?"

"Yes," Harry said, and with that Liam stormed out of the pool house slamming the door behind him.

"You're gonna wake up with one hell of a hangover tomorrow," Harry said, "Not to mention how sore your gonna be." He picked up hand that he had grabbed earlier, and she hissed in pain. He noticed bruises forming already.

"You're a fucking idiot..." he growled at her. Before grabbing her by the arm, and yanking her off the chair, she tried to pull away from him.

"Seriously?" he barked at her, "You're going make this harder then it has to be?" She stopped moving immediately. He let go of her arm, and looked at her.

"Who's in charge, Sofia?" he asked her.

"You sir," she answered, quietly.

"I want you to ask me to punish you," Harry growled, as he circled her like she was prey.

"You what?!" she snapped, and Harry's eyes flashed.

"You heard me," Harry growled, "Let's try something new tonight, just to remind you who's boss, shall we?"

Sofia gaped at him, but Harry stood in front of her, his eyes serious and his jaw locked. He wasn't playing around.

"Is this some sort of role play? Some sort of sexual thing?" she asked, her eyes furrowed. He smirked at her, his eyes sparkling.

"Maybe for other couples, but for us, it's real," Harry said, "I'm in charge. And you need to remember that. So," he said, sitting on the edge of the bed, "Go on, ask me..."

"I'm not doing this, it's humiliating!" Sofia hissed.

"Good," Harry growled, "It should be. Maybe you'll remember this next time you decide to take a swing at your brother, or me..."

"I'm not drunk enough for this," Sofia growled.

"Sofia, I'm going to spank you and then fuck you silly," Harry growled, "Now you can either play it my way, or I can tie you up and we'll play it my way. Either way, we're playing it my way." He sat there, waiting for her to speak. Her cheeks were red, and her eyes no longer glazed. She was embarrassed and humiliated; he always knew how to put her back into her submissive state of mind.

"I'll give you one more chance," Harry said, his fingers touching his belt. She knew he would tie her up.

"Harry, I want to be punished," she said, her words rushed out. He cocked his head to the side.

"That's not asking," Harry said, a grin appearing as she went redder.

"Please, will you punish me?" she asked quietly.

"I'd thought you'd never ask," he said, pulling her toward him, and undoing her jean buttons. She looked away from him, embarrassed. He used his hand to make her look at him.

"You do this on purpose don't you?" he asked seriously, and she looked at him confused, "You don't know how to deal with emotional pain, but you can deal with physical pain." Sofia bit her lip, squirming at his touch. She hated when he read her like that. It was true. She had every intention of pushing Harry to the point of punishing her tonight. She needed to feel the pain, and she needed to feel him. She needed him to punish her, but not for what he thought he was punishing for. He was punishing her for something yet to come.

"Don't look away from me, answer me," he growled. His voice full of authority, that made a shiver run up her spine. She loved him like this, as much as she hated him, she loved him. She looked at him.

"Yes," she answered him honestly.

"Well, you know the drill," he said, waiting for her to make the next
move. She removed her jeans, and stood in front of him. He helped her over his lap, and began to hit her. She would squirm, and he would bark at her not to move. He lectured her, smacking her again and again, until she was crying out. The pain was never something she got used to, Harry always knew how to make her regret her behavior. She responded to pain. He stopped suddenly, leaving her sobbing over his knee. She shuddered as rubbed her ass, rubbing away some of the sting.

He placed a finger in between her legs, making her open them a bit, gasping as he pushed into her.

"Always so fucking wet," he growled, "It's supposed to be a punishment Sofia, you aren't supposed to enjoy it."

"I don't," Sofia sobbed, "It hurts."

"It's supposed to," he snapped at her, slapping her ass again, making her cry out. She could feel how hard he was, and she knew her night was
far from over.

"Stand," he barked, and she pushed herself up, hissing as her ass brushed against his leg. He stood, going to the closet. He pulled out one of Zayn's belts, before removing his own. Sofia had sat on the bed, her body exhausted, as Harry turned around, holding the belts out.

"I hate being tied up," Sofia hissed.

"You're not supposed to enjoy this," Harry growled, "What don't you fucking get about punishment?" She glared at him, but he ignored her.

"Lay down," he growled, "Put your hands up."

"Why do you have to tie me up?" she asked, "Just because I hate it?"

"Yes," Harry snapped, "And because I can. And because I don't want you touching, NOW HANDS UP!"

Sofia put her hands above her head, and Harry removed her shirt, before using both belts to secure them, listening to her hiss in pain and annoyance. He climbed off the bed, removing his own shirt and jeans, before removing his boxers. He looked at her, lying there, vulnerable to him.

"Remind me again, who's in charge," he said, crawling onto the bed.

"You are," she said quietly, struggling with the belts.

"Stop it, you're going to hurt yourself," Harry growled, reaching up to grab her wrists.

"Like you care," she hissed, and he glared at her.

"You know I do," Harry snapped, grabbing her wrists tighter so she
stopped moving.

"I hate this!" she snapped at him.

"Maybe you'll remember this next time you decide to drink your feelings," Harry said, as he pulled her body down, before crawling on top of her.

"Now ask me to fuck you," Harry hissed into her ear, before biting it, making her growl. She didn't say anything. She just glared at him.

"Ask me to fuck you, Sofia," he said to her, like he was talking to a five year old, "Ask me to remind you who you belong to."

"I don't like this game," Sofia snapped.

"It's not a game," Harry said seriously, "I want you to ask me. Ask me nicely, and maybe I'll even let you come."

"Fuck me, Harry," Sofia said, her voice deadpanned, "Fuck me and show me who I belong too." He stared down at her, grinning mischievously.

"That wasn't very nice," he sang.

"Please," she said, "Sir."

He smiled, before slamming into her, making her cry out. He felt as her leg wrapped around him, it being the only body part she could move, and he slammed into her again. His pace was fast and hard, and she cried beneath him again and again. He bit down on her neck, making her cry out again. She couldn't catch on to his pace, not with her arms tied up, and not being able to move like she normally would. She wasn't building as fast as he was, and that was his plan. She wasn't going to enjoy this. This was just a reminder. He slammed into her again and again, before releasing, causing her to gasp. He pulled out, and she yelled out in frustration.

"Are you kidding?" she cried out, her eyes close to tears. Not because she was in pain, but because she was so close.

"Have you learned your lesson?" he asked, and she nodded her head, a tear streaming down her face. He reached up undoing the belt and releasing her arms, before wiping the tear, as she collapsed into the pillows.

"Good," he hissed into her ear, before kissing her hard, and pushing into her again.


***


"Birdie, come on," Sofia said, grabbing the child's hand the next morning.

She was still feeling last night everywhere. She could still remember every
blow to her ass, and Harry lecturing her as she squirmed. She remembered him tying her to the bed, and moving in her fast and hard, reminding her with every thrust that she was his. He could do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. She cried and yelled and moaned. And then when he was done, he made love to her, and she let him. She let him because she needed to feel him, and she needed him to hold her. And then they fell asleep together, wrapped in each other, both still panting with anger and love and passion.

And when she fell asleep, the first sleep that she had on her own since Greece, she saw Daisy. Daisy was in her dreams all night long, and when Sofia awoke the next morning, she felt the knot in her stomach as she realized what she was about to do. She didn't know if they would ever forgive her. She didn't know how it would work out; she just knew she didn't have a choice.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go?" Harry asked.

"Andy is going with us," Sofia said, "We're just going to the park."

Harry leaned down, and kissed Birdie, telling her to have fun and that he loved her, before letting her run out the door. The scene hurt Sofia's heart. And then he looked at Sofia.

"You seem better today," Harry said. Sofia looked up at him.

"I'm just ready to move on," Sofia said, smiling tightly at him.

"I don't want to have a repeat of last night ever again," he asked, "Are we clear?"

"Yes," she said quickly.

"Stop hiding how you're feeling from me," Harry said, "I want to know everything from now on. That's what marriage is."

"Okay," she agreed, but she wasn't looking at him.

"I love you," he said, kissing her cheek. She hummed in response, before following Birdie out the door.

"Be careful!" she heard him call from behind her.

Sofia got into the car, and pulled out of the driveway. Andy wasn't in the car, she had given Andy the day off. She drove a little down the road, glancing in the mirror.

"Do you know how much I love you Birdie?" Sofia asked

"Yes mummy," Birdie said, looking out the window.

"Okay, I just want you to remember that always, okay? That I love you to the moon and back. Forever. No matter what," Sofia said. Birdie smiled at her.

The two drove in silence, Sofia debating on whether she should just turn around and forget the whole thing. Maybe she should tell them. She felt sick as she looked at the little girl in the rearview mirror, and her heart ached when she thought about how Harry would react when he found out. He would never forgive her for this.

"Mummy," Birdie said, "You missed the park!"

"Yeah, baby," Sofia said, quietly, "I know. We're not going to the park today."

"Where are we going?" Birdie asked, Sofia looked back at her.

"Just trust me, okay?"

***



4 days earlier


"You're Birdies father?" Sofia hissed, staring up at Sikes, who smiled down at her.

"Yes," he said, "Now, about my proposal. And I'm telling you, if you don't accept, I'll kill them all, Sofia."

"You win," she said, shoving him off her, "Okay. You win. I get it. Whatever you want, you can have it. I just want you to stay the fuck away from my family. You want me? Fine, you can have me. You can take me right now if you want."

"I want you and Birdie," Sikes said

"Birdie?" Sofia gasped, her eyes wide.

"I don't like other men playing with what is mine," Sikes growled.

"You can't have her," Sofia growled back.

"Sofia, you can either bring her to me, and see that she is alive and
well, with the two of us. Or you can try and keep her from me, and I will kill her," Sikes growled. Sofia stopped breathing.

"Would you really kill her?" she asked

"Sofia, I will do anything to get my way. Birdie either lives with me, or she doesn't live at all."

"Okay," she agreed quickly, the idea of Birdie dying making her sick.

"You will meet me in 5 days," Sikes said, "There's a field just beyond Olive street, my private plane will be waiting."

"Why five days?" Sofia asked.

"I have work to finish here," Sikes said, "Plus you need to collect Birdie, and my plane will be ready by then.

"Okay," Sofia answered weakly, her voice barely there.

"If you clue them in, I will know," Sikes said, "If you try and figure out a way to trick me with them, I will know. Don't let them know anything. My plane will be ready to go, and we will be gone before they even figure it out."

"Okay," Sofia agreed, nodding. Her mind frozen.

"I'm not playing around with you, Sofia," Sikes growled, "If you try and use them to escape me, I'll kill them. I'll kill them all."

"I understand," Sofia whispered, "You have a deal."