Temptation

Nightmares

"Hi, my name is Cassie and I'm seven years sober. Normally, I don't keep going after that, but a few weeks ago, I almost relapsed. I was very, very close. I was suffering a loss of someone close to my heart and I reacted badly to it. Luckily, my boyfriend stopped me from taking a drink, but I tried to replace that with harming myself. Luckily, he stopped me there, too. At that moment, I didn't think I would be, but I am very thankful that he did that."

Cassie looked down next to her and saw Ben smiling up at her. "He also left work early to be here with me today. If not for his support, I don't know where I would be right now or if I would even tell you guys that I'm still sober. Thanks to him, I still am."

The room clapped as she sat down and Ben took her hand and squeezed it. The counselor of the group Rory asked Cassie, "What was the loss that made you want to drink, if you don't mind me asking," he said. Cassie squeezed Ben's hand hard and said, "Um...we lost our baby."

Ben looked down and sighed. Three weeks later, but it still hurts just as bad. The group expressed their condolences, then ended shortly after. Ben and Cassie walked to the car, then drove home. 

"I'm very proud of you sharing that, love," he told her. She let out a light scoff and asked, "Which part?" He shrugged and said, "All of it. It was very brave of you and I'm very proud. Baby steps, remember?"

They had a discussion the night she had her breakdown and talked about 'baby steps'. Basically, they would work together one step at a time to get her better. He even decided to quit drinking to make things easier. Every time Ben saw an improvement, he would take it easy on her. 

He still kept any sharp object out of her reach and that included in her classroom. He went in there the day she went back and ransacked her desk before going to work. She was not happy with him, but since then, she understood why he did it. 

"Can I take you out for dinner?" He asked as they passed their usual dinner spot. She shook her head and told him, "No, I just want to go home. It's been a long day and I need to catch up on grading papers."

He took them home and watched as she slowly ascended the stairs when they walked in. Everything that's been happening these past few weeks has been taking a toll on her mentally and physically. He made her go to a doctor a few days ago and her stress levels were off the charts. 

"Darling, why don't you go relax and I'll get started on dinner," he softly suggested. All she gave him was a nod before disappearing into the bedroom. With a loud sigh, he thought about what to cook. He opted on fish with salad. 

As he waited for the fish to thaw, he went upstairs and peaked his head into the ensuite. Cassie was enjoying a relaxing bath with her eyes closed and soft music playing. He smiled at how relaxed she looked. His eyes then caught a glimpse of her legs. 

She hasn't been able to shave ever since he took away her razors. She refused to let him do it for her because she was so mad at him. She said she would risk becoming a hairy amazon woman if it meant he didn't help her. 

He went to the secret spot he kept her razors, then walked into the bathroom with it. As soon as Cassie felt his presence, she opened her eyes. "Let me help," he told her as he help up the razor. "Still don't trust me, I see," she retorted. 

He rolled his eyes and sat on the edge of the toilet near her legs. "I'm more afraid than anything," he told her as he grabbed her shaving cream. He lathered her leg up with it, then started to carefully shave it. He's surprised she hasn't kicked him in the face by now. 

When he was done with that leg, he put it in the water, then brought over the other. Once he was finished with that, he looked at her and asked, "Anywhere else?" She rolled her eyes at him, making him sigh. "The only reason I let you do that was because my jeans were starting to bother me," she told him. 

"Lift up your arms, then, because your shirts have to be, too," he told her. She pulled her arms closer to her body. Even though he was right, she didn't want to give him the satisfaction. "Cass, come on," he sighed. "I'm doing this for your own good."

She scoffed and shook her head at him. "My own good?" She asked. "How do you know what's good for me?" He gritted his teeth and told her, "I know your life is good for you! Jesus, I don't want to come home one night and see you in here, bleeding out in the tub, I...I have nightmares about it all the time. Please, Cass, for me just put up with this for a little longer. Until the nightmares go away."

He hastily wiped some tears that fell down his cheeks and sniffled. Cassie didn't say anything, but slowly lifted her arm. He shaved her armpits, then washed the razor and put it back in its secret spot. When he came back from doing that, she was just getting out of the tub. 

With her towel wrapped tightly around her, she sat on the bed with her head down. Ben sat next to her. "What if your nightmares don't go away?" She asked. He looked down at his wringing hands and told her, "Then, I'll learn to trust you again. For now, I just need this one thing. Please."

She nodded, then took his hand. "I'm sorry," she told him. "You were the last person I wanted to put this through. I didn't want to put anyone through this, not again. It feels awful to be back where I first started. The only upside of it is, I'm still sober and there aren't any fresh cuts. But the feeling of it is. That's almost as bad as the real thing."

After a few moments of silence, she timidly asked, "Can...can we try again?" He looked at her oddly, then she said, "For a baby. I never realized how badly I wanted one until it was taken from me." A smile grew on Ben's lips as he told her, "Of course we can. Just the fact that you're asking me makes me the happiest man in the world. I'm glad you see us continuing a future together. And I forgive you, by the way. This whole thing has been a mess, but...I do forgive you."

They shared a sweet kiss, then Ben pressed his forehead against hers. "So," he said, "another shot at a baby. You sure you want this? With me, I mean." She put her hand over his cheek and said, "I've never been more sure of anything, Ben. I want your children, I want to share this life with you. Despite everything that's happened, I want us to just move on."

"I do, too, love," he told her. "It will. It'll take some time, but it will. We'll see what place you're at in a few months and if we both agree that you're in a good spot...we'll try again. Well, not again because we didn't really try the first time, did we?"

She laughed as she said, "No, we did not." Her laughter died down as she said, "It's weird...I didn't know them...but I miss them so much." He put his hand over her stomach and said, "You did know them. You knew them more than I did. I can only imagine the pain you're going through, especially if mine is this bad."

She put her hand over his and let out a deep breath. "Did you think it was a boy or a girl?" She asked. He smiled and told her, "I admit, I imagined a little boy running around. I pictured a girl at times, too, but it wouldn't have mattered. All I cared about was if they were healthy."

"So did I," she told him. 

The next day, when Ben came home from work, he had a beautiful vase of white flowers with him. He set it by the window in the living room and told Cassie, "I figured our baby could bloom through these. I chose white because we didn't know their gender and it's a neutral color."

Cassie gave him a hug, then stood and looked at the flowers with him. It wasn't going to be easy, but they were starting to move on.