At End's Gate

CHASING TRAUMA

The next morning Paige woke to notice that everyone was awake. She got out the room. She knocked the door of the next room." Come in," Conner said. Paige entered. She saw Conner, James and Blake in the room. It seemed as if they were training. Blake was throwing punches at Conner and Conner would block them. James was doing sit ups.

"Morning," she said.

"Hie sis. How are you?" James asked.

"I'm good."

"That's good," Blake said short of breath.

She looked at him and thought of the discussion from the previous night." Blake how are you?" The concern was enough to make Conner to give her a sympathetic stare.

"P I'm fine. I'm gonna be fine. I promise."

She nodded." Okay." She averted her gaze to Conner." I wanna have a go."

"What?" Conner asked his face full of confusion.

"I want to learn how to fight without a weapon. I don't want to be defenseless," she said taking steps closer to them.

"Paige you're not defenseless. You're probably the baddest chick I know. You jumped out of a window. You shot three men by yourself," Conner commented.

"But I was almost choked to death. I don't want to feel helpless like that again," she responded with a serious face.

Conner looked at James who nodded then he looked back at her." What do you want to learn?"

Blake moved away from Conner and went up to his brother. Paige stood in front of Conner. She threw a punch and Conner blocked it. She struggled to release her hand from his grip." Let go of me," she said gnashing her teeth.

"Paige you're so angry. Calm down," he said.

Paige noticed the girls were now in the room. Everyone was looking at her." Oh my God. Everyone is looking at me like I'm about to break. I'm fine," she laughed awkwardly.

"Paige we don't think you'll break," Alexis said full of concern.

Paige gave a smirk." Okay Lexi," she responded rolling her eyes." So Conner fight with me."

"Okay. You asked for it. Come at me."

Paige lashed out. She took a deep breath and started throwing punches at him. He would block them. She would try again. Conner tackled her and she fell down. He then jumped on top of her and pinned her arms down. She gnashed her teeth." Let go of me. Conner let go of me!"

"I'll let go of you when you stop acting like a brat."

"Paige calm down," Lisa said.

Conner released her. She stood up." Lisa I am calm. It's not like my friends are thinking that I'm some destructive cause that needs to be kept in check."

"Paige what are you talking about?" Blake asked.

"Paige!" James looked at her with a scared face.

"Nothing B. Nothing," she said before leaving the room.

"Paige," Lisa called after her.

Paige went into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. She leaned against the wall. The tears fell down her soft tan cheeks." Paige," Lexi's voice echoed as the door was knocked.

"Paige please open the door," Lisa said.

"Just open the door please."

After a few minutes she finally turned the door knob. Paige opened the door. The two entered." Hie," Alexis said as she closed the door behind her.

"I guess you heard what we talked about. I'm sorry that we had to talk about you behind your back," Lisa apologized.

"Yeah we're sorry."

"It's okay. You were and are concerned. I love you all for that. I'm sorry. I don't know what's going on with me. I'm not okay. I'm not gonna break. I don't know anymore. I keep looking in the mirror and I'm reliving that traumatic experience in my mind. Worse of, each time I look at Blake I'm scared he's going to fall apart and it's all my fault. I should have given up on Erin when I had the chance."

"No Paige, no. You did good to take him in. That was love," Lisa said before hugging her.

"Honestly I wish I could look in the mirror and not relive my experiences."

"Maybe you can change your appearance," Alexis suggested.

"Yeah Paige. You can change your hair colour if you like. It would be good for you."

"Yeah. Maybe I have to accept that I've changed. The girl I've become is different. I should embrace her."

"Let me get the hair dye," Alexis said as she opened the drug cabinet." What colour?"

"I don't know."

"They say blondes always have fun." Paige stared back at Lisa." Oh. Okay. We're not in the position to think of fun."

"Brunette?" Lexi asked.

"Black," Paige said calmly.

"Okay. Let's do it."

Paige looked at herself in the mirror one last time as if she were saying goodbye to her old self. The girls applied the dye and waited an hour talking. After a while Paige removed the towel.