At End's Gate

LOOKING

Paige closed the door and leaned against it with her back to it. She stared into the air. She couldn't make up the exact emotion she was feeling. Paige thought of how much Erin loved her. She felt like feeling something for Conner was like stabbing Erin in the chest. At the same time she felt like she was doing the same to Conner who had openly confessed his feelings for her and she dejected him. Wow love is complicated. She didn't know what to think.

"Paige," a deep male voice called out to her from in front of her.

She looked up and caught Conner's gaze." Conner, ummm how long have you been there?"

"A minute or so," he said fixing his brown hair.

"I must have zoned out."

"Are you okay?" he asked his green eyes full of concern.

"Yeah," she faked a smile.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm great."

"Erin is extremely nice. In all my years I didn't think he would ever call me his brother." Paige smiled. Conner's facial expression then changed." I actually hate that he is being nice to me because it makes it harder."

Paige sighed." Harder to do what?"

"To not let go of the girl I love. It would have been easier if he wasn't nice to me. It would have given me a reason to still hold on to the thought that in your heart there's a spec that might feel something deeper for me. In as much as it hurts I wish nothing but the best for you Paige Sanders and he makes you happy."

"Conner I'm, I'm.."

"Paige it's okay. You shouldn't feel sorry," he said removing the tear off her cheek with his thumb," he makes you happy and I'm happy. All I wish for you is happiness. I'll let you go."
He left her. Paige stood there for a while, overwhelmed by the feelings she felt. She stared at space again. Thoughts were raging in her mind. From the time she and Erin went to their first prom to the time of their high school graduation. She also thought of the previous night when she sang with Conner. She thought of the feelings that rushed through her when Conner confessed that he loved her. This was wrong. She wasn't supposed to feel deep feelings for two people. She started pacing. After a while she took out her phone and scrolled the playlist. Faded by Alan Walker felt like the right song this time. She was beyond conflicted. Paige was holding on to the girl she was, the girl who lived in a land that was a mere illusion. The girl she now was she truly detested. A killer and a monster. She thought she was a monster. Despite having many reasons to justify her actions it didn't make it easier to accept her lifestyle. Every day she had to embark on a survival journey that meant taking the lives of others. Every night she had to pray for mercy hoping to see the gates of Heaven some day. The only thing holding her together was the hope that her friends and brothers would be fine. The girl she was forced to become was a kind of girl she thought only existed in movies. Paige thought of the times she sat on roof with her brothers. Life was simpler back then. She noticed that the song she was playing had been on replay for a while. What song would she play next? She didn't want to feel depressed. Being a huge Lorde fan she immediately chose Green Light. It calmed her down at first but it didn't take time for her to take a trip down memory lane. She remembered how she came to love the song. She was in Erin's car. He was taking her to Grady Mitchell's party. Paige wasn't invited because apparently this Grady Mitchell held a grudge that Paige rejected him in junior year. Despite them being seniors he still gave Paige a hard time. Erin was invited though. Erin forced Paige to go with him. He told her that he would sneak her in since the place would be crowded. Unfortunately they were caught at the gate by the guard. They weren't allowed in. Erin then parked his car far on between the trees by the the gate. He told Paige that they would have their own party outside. Erin turned the volume knob to full blast. A song was just ending then the opening beat of the next song came. It was Lorde's Green Light. They danced singing very loud as if they were drunk. They left when two guards came out. Erin drove off.
Paige then stopped listening to the the song. She put her hand over her face clearly due to frustration.

"Sis we need to talk."

Paige removed her hands to see James and Blake standing by her.

"Okay," she said as she followed them into a room before she closed the door behind her.