The Journal of a Heartbroken Girl

Day 8

A morning snap.

An awkward lunch. He didn't talk to me unless I asked something.

A difference from how he'd snapped me the night before.

I ate then left. Sat with a friend.

He smiled at me in the hall on my way to class where I normally caught him and walked him a little of the way. It was an uncomfortable smile but still a smile.

I asked him about contacts after the girls played in the game and the boys were about to start.

He said he was good and seemed surprised.

"You're still a good person. Just because we aren't together anymore doesn't mean it has to be weird."

Then I walked away.

I sent him a snap video of him during the game. I hesitated to do it but laughed and did it anyways.

Dry conversation on snap. He opened and never replied.

I asked his friend if he was happy because I was too scared to ask. She said he seemed okay and normal but also sad. She told me to ask for myself.

I don't want to go to him. I want him to come to me to talk when he's ready because he's clearly still not okay and happy because he's acting strange.

She said she'd do the same and give him time. I confided that I would continue and I'd do me while I wait and that I still loved him and I just didn't want to lose him in any matter.

A friend or more. I still wanted him around.

That was the last that was said.

Hours later I had taken my pill and panicked about being late. This had happened before but when we were together and he could promise to be there and he did.

This time he was gone.

I panicked and just like last time I called him to tell him.

He didn't answer. Texted he was showering and asked me what happened. With many thoughts in my mind and on the verge of tears I did my best to explain and made myself cry. I worry a lot.

He called back. He was distant and unhappy and made it seem like I was just being dramatic.

And maybe I was but he knew why.

He said yelling at him didn't help.

I didn't yell I was only panicked. I said "you didn't do anything wrong," and after what felt like the longest pause of my life I hung up.

Texted sorry.

He said not to be and he didn't know how to handle the situation.

I told him not to worry. I'd be okay.

He said he was sorry and I never opened it. I never responded.

Maybe he'd never be the boy I fell in love with again.

Maybe I shouldn't have cried even after the call.

Maybe I needed to never see him again.

Maybe I needed to forget him.