The Journal of a Heartbroken Girl

The truth.

I got my answers but he isn't the one who answered my questions. He caused more because I had to find out from someone else that he cheated on me when we were together.

Maybe I should have known from how distant he became and how he didn't seem to care about anyone but himself.

He'll never understand how stupid it makes me look or how awful the feeling is. All he had to do was end it before trying to get at other girls.

Why didn't you just end it before you cheated?

Why'd you think I deserved that?

I asked and I got answered.

After people found out he managed to switch it out on me. It's funny how EVERYTIME I asked what I did wrong, he would just tell me it wasn't me, it was him but now I was the reason.

Apparently he was depressed and cheated to get away from it. Apparently I also didn't care about him or show any sympathy or ask about his day. That's what made him upset.

If you were unhappy with me all you had to do was say so but you didn't tell me you were unhappy till when we almost broke up stating that you were unhappy for 2 weeks.

I wrote him a letter before I found out the truth. Even after I found out, I still let him read it.

Of course he'd say that I victimized myself in the letter. He wanted to make me into the monster he wanted me to be so he wouldn't feel as bad. The monster he told the girls he was talking to at the same time as we were dating.

At some point I asked myself why you stayed if you were so unhappy and clearly wanted someone else's attention.

Then the answer dawned on me.

You were still getting it. That's why you stayed. A guaranteed body.

How dare you come into my house, sleep in my bed, share my body, and lie to my face.

For how long?

A question I'll never ask because I'd rather forget it all happened. Forget you exist. I don't need to bring up memories only to taint them with the truth. Who knows how many memories those will be.

I would rather not recall something than to recall it and have to ask myself "was he cheating on me then or not?"

He was so upset I made him unhappy and never apologized. He was so upset I victimized myself.

What do I think? He was only upset the truth came out and people now know what he did.

Even when he sounds sincere, all I hear are the lines he used on other girls as we dated.

"When are you gonna let me smash?"

"When are we gonna smash?"

Don't you have a girlfriend?

"Yeah but you know that's ending."

Dick pics to other girls as he stayed with me.

Making out with one girl and talking to another at the same time to then date the girl he hadn't kissed.

Not even they deserved what he did.

I gave him so much. So much of my time, effort, attention, love, etc. for nothing. A waste. A now tragic regret. Why'd you have to be him? Why'd you have to make me regret ever meeting you? Ever letting you in?

You can cry. You can apologize. It will never change what you did and I will never trust you again. Meaning, I will never know what to believe. You got nasty with other girls and still managed to act like a sweet and caring guy I once knew you to be. It was all a lie. It probably still is. It's just a game to you.