A morning snap.
He asks if I'm okay.
No.
He's sorry.
Don't worry about it.
Open. No response.
Decent lunch conversation. AP tests. Random things. I told him I still hadn't gotten it.
He said not to worry.
Of course I do.
9:00. I sent a game to him.
He didn't play me back but he asked if everything was okay.
We talked. He cursed a few times. Something I never really heard of him. At least when we dated.
He's so off. Maybe it's supposed to be different now that we're not together but it's so off from who I know him to be.
"I'm going through changes, I'm going through changes
Lately, I really
Feel like I'm, rollin' for delph like Philly
Feel like I'm losin' control of myself
I sincerely, apologize if all that I sound like
Is I'm complaining, but life keeps on complicating
And, I'm debating on, leaving this world this evening
Even my girls can see that I'm grieving
I try and hide it but I can't
Why do I act like I am all high and mighty
When inside I'm dying, I am finally realizin' I need, help
Can't do it myself, too weak
Two weeks I've been having ups and down
Going through peaks and valleys
Dilly dallying, around with the idea
Of ending this shit right here
I'm hating my reflection
I walk around the house trying to fight mirrors
I can't stand what I look like, yeah
I look fat, but what do I care
I don't give a fuck, only thing that I fear is Hailie
I'm afraid that if I close my eyes then I might see her, shit
I'm going through changes, I'm going through changes"
The song reminded me of him.
He said he'd go and clean.
Was I supposed to respond?
"Okay."
I fell asleep. I cried a little. Accepting that he'd never be the boy I fell madly in love with is one of the saddest things I've ever had to do.
He had sent "gn"
What do I say? Could we ever be friends?
Maybe he needs more time.
Then again, maybe we shouldn't be friends.
YOU ARE READING
The Journal of a Heartbroken Girl
Short StoryI don't know what happened... How can you be somebody's world one day and not be the next? Why'd he push me away when all I wanted to do was love him? I guess he needed to find himself and it wasn't my fault but it felt like it... Its the most painf...
