The Journal of a Heartbroken Girl

The end.

I wrote you a letter a while ago. I never gave it to you. I didn't know if I should and then we stopped talking.

I was sure then that I'd never give it to you.

And I won't.

But I wrote a new letter.

Dear X,

I don't know where to start. What you said to me this morning still lingers in my mind. I didn't care about having it all. I still don't. I didn't want it all because I just wanted you... but that's gone now. I wasn't trying to make you the bad guy in this story. You're not a bad person and I don't hate you. You just made me confused. I was trying to figure out what went wrong in my own way. Now I get it. Thanks. Part of me wishes it had worked out but this is for the best. I still wonder why you changed? What happened? You said you didn't want to change for me. I understand it. It's ironic how I didn't want you to change either. I wanted you to always be the person you were when we first started out. Maybe you disagree with me. Maybe you think you're the same person. I see a difference in you I can't describe. It's not bad. I just don't think I know you anymore. I'm not sure if you're happy with the person you are now but if you are then I'm happy for you. I hope you find the perfect person for you. Thanks for giving me amazing memories and loving me. It's a very bittersweet feeling. I feel like there's all these things I want to say to you but there's no point in saying them now. Just promise me you won't forget us and the memories. I promise to remember them. I want the best for you and I'll be rooting for you and whatever you choose to do.

Sincerely,
Me

I miss loving someone. I miss being called baby. I miss long and comforting hugs. I miss forehead kisses and secret smiles.

I used to look at you and feel you were mine and it made me smile brighter than anything. Now I see you and I don't know what to think. I get confused and I just want to look away.

Sometimes I get angry because I was fine before you came along. Now you're gone and I know I can be fine without you again but you came and changed it. Now I have to go back.

Maybe I'm just a bit upset that when we first started out, I didn't know what to expect. I didn't think we'd last very long. We came from knowing each other for such a little time before we went out and then made it over a year. Somewhere in the beginning it just happened. You made me fall.

And I fell hard.

And you caught me.

And then just like that I slipped right through your fingers and landed back on the ground.

I'm not mad that we were together or that we loved each other. I'm glad I have a great experience to compare any future ones to. It helps me.

I guess it's just upsetting that it didn't last the way we started planning.

But like I've mentioned before, that's life.

And life is unfair.

So is love.

But if there's one thing I learned, it's that love comes to you when you're not looking for it.

I wasn't looking for anyone when we stumbled our way into being together.

I had made up my mind to wait till college.

For you I changed my mind and I don't regret it.

I'm ready for all the new experiences I'm about to encounter. I'm excited!

But first I have to leave this one behind...

Thank you.

Goodbye old love.